Im from Canada, just moved to the States.

Back in the day if ignorant bliss, I kept myself super busy, always moving, and never allowed true thinking to enter into my life. Now, I feel like I have no other choice.

I sit thinking off into space, blowing off all of the things I could be doing because I know that I must face this unhappy reality of my past, to have the ability to move forward. I just don’t feel well.

What sparked all of this you may ask? I had an affair. Yes, stupid! Not only did I have an affiar, but this since I did, I have had vaginal bleeding issues. I have seen my gyno and he tells me that perhaps my pill is causing this. At any rate, I think the abusive relations with this man caused a lot of unpleasant memories to surface.

I have talked with my mom and explained that things are bothering me lately, and we cannot talk as frequently as we had in the past.

I’m trying to acknowledge my inner child and be at peace, but I just feel like crying.

I have two friends that I can turn to, but one is burned out with work and the other lives a distance away.

My husband knows everytbing! Yes! I mean everything AND he is standing by me. He understands the impact of abuse and what it has caused in my life. Now, please don’t yell at me, I know that it doesn’t excuse my behavior, but it explains it quite a bit.

I’m here because I truly don’t know where else to turn. I don’t feel ready to open up to a religious figure, for obvious reasons, I can’t open up to my mom, and I can’t turn to friends who may not understand.

I know that I will continue to isolate during this period of discovery in my life, but I just need others to turn to. I need to know that I am not alone. I need to feel a part of something. I need to stop feeling ill physically.

I have fears that due to this mans size, I may have a hernia, and now I am feeling really sick.

I don’t want contact with this man. I wish he’d drop off the face of the earth. I’ve told him that I don’t want him to contact me and I told him I don’t even have a desire for a friendship. He was abusive with his relations with me, and although I have learned many very important lessons here, I am in pain in many ways.

There is much more to my story, but I just needed to get this out and hopefully get some input from other women. Hopefully feel some sort of fellowship and just stop feeling alone.

I thank you for reading this.

Hi, my name is Johannah. I’m 26 live in Gettysburg PA with my dad. I’m also in the United States Navy and stationed home (Curtsy of the Navy - Family comes first) to take care of my dad who is suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. I’ve been all over the world - capturing pirates off the coast of Africa. It’s pretty awesome!!!

We have a cat named Spca - yes, like the animal rescue. We named her after it because that’s where we got her (we pronounce it spec-ah). I will have to share pictures of her in one of the forums.

I have a deep passion for Photography. I enjoy reading and playing xbox 360, cooking, playing paint ball and going to the gun range when I have time - I own a P22 and practicing makes me a better shot.

I have an associates degree in Multi Media - web design, graphic design, photography, video.... all rolled into one degree. It’s a pretty intense program too. I loved it!!!

I’m also still struggling with being single. I’ve been single since October… I miss sharing my life with someone.

If you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask! :D