Female Forum

Well, im waiting for my family politics to kick off once again.

Most of you know i have very little to do with my mother(she wasnt a great one!).
most of you know i have nothing to do with my brother as i have whitnessed him doing and saying some horrific things in my family when i was younger which are unforgivable, i have no intentions of seeing him before my dying day&no;one will be able to pursuade me otherwise,

Now my sister is getting married next year. Orginally i said i would never go to her wedding day because she snubbed mine only 12 hours before she was due to arrive. I feel quite sure my brother will be going to her wedding (as she had little to do with him&family;when things all went horrible wrong-she was in london at the time)and my mother will probably be going.
Which all in all means i wont!.

My dad wants to give her away, but he has no intention of laying eyes on his son like i do,my mum will be there which makes it awkward for my dad, she has a vile vicious toungue which has already upset him once on my own wedding day(he had to go home early in the end)so all in all if things turn out as i expect- he wont be able to go either.

Ever get the feeling that family politics are on a ticking time bomb?????

omg......you’re not kidding...time bomb? More like nuclear bomb by the sounds of it.

I’m usually all for families trying to patch things up and sort it out, but by the sounds of it, you’re better off at home and staying out of it all!!

(((hugs)))

LOL!!, Nuclear!!ha ha your not kidding me.

No theyre not petty family squables where you can say “put it behind you for one day blah blah blah”,

we’re talking reasons contributing to divorce,near suicide(for one member)and almost murder one day (thankgod that never happened)amongst a zillion other things

They would have been better off getting married abroad!
and id have been better off never inviting my mother to my wedding(we live and learn)

If you don’t mind me asking, all said and done do you want to go to your sisters wedding? If you do could you possibly just go to the ceremony to avoid unpleasantness getting in the way of her big day just stick with your dad and bare it.

I know all about family rifts; sounds like we have many similarities with our families, I just wish I go go back so my dad didn’t think I hated him. I was angry sure but now its too late so be sure on your decisions to cut people out.

Sorry to sound presumptuous

Oh Dear, family politics is never good. I have had loads of it and I wish I could just stay out of it.

The end of the day you have to consider what is going to make YOU happy. Why do you have to be put in a situation that you are not comfortable with? Some people just don’t get on with their family, and sometimes it is for the best to avoid them. Like the saying go’s and I usually stick with it, and my OH too with parts of his family - ‘you can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends’.

In my opinion it is not selfish of you not to go, I wish I had the guts to sometimes refuse doing certain things but I’m just not that strong.

Hope things work out Cat! x

<hugs>

Im certainly sure i will never regret the decisions i have made to cut out my mum&my;brother, they werent made lightly, they were based on years and years and years of abuse in many many forms, if i had had a mother who had loved me who knows how different my life could have been (&maybe;id want kids of my own) and if my brother hadnt coused his trouble the family would still be together&i;would not be haunted by the imagages that i am haunted by today.

If i had a few rifts with my dad and decided not to see him anymore, i think you could be right, i could live to regret it, he was/is always there for me, brought me up,loved me,and fixed me up when i cut my knees...! to cut a parent out like that who always had the right intentions would be wrong.

But the rest of them, sorry if this sounds strong- they could rot in hell for all i cared for.

I dont feel THAT strongly about my sisters wedding, after all mine didnt mean very much to her (I didnt even recieve a card or present from her when i got married), but if the implications werent there, id probably go anyway, but being as they are, and being as id have to drive 5 hours to get there, its really not worth it!

cat - 16 Jun 2009 05:09 PM

Im certainly sure i will never regret the decisions i have made to cut out my mum&my;brother, they werent made lightly, they were based on years and years and years of abuse in many many forms, if i had had a mother who had loved me who knows how different my life could have been (&maybe;id want kids of my own) and if my brother hadnt coused his trouble the family would still be together&i;would not be haunted by the imagages that i am haunted by today.

If i had a few rifts with my dad and decided not to see him anymore, i think you could be right, i could live to regret it, he was/is always there for me, brought me up,loved me,and fixed me up when i cut my knees...! to cut a parent out like that who always had the right intentions would be wrong.

But the rest of them, sorry if this sounds strong- they could rot in hell for all i cared for.

I dont feel THAT strongly about my sisters wedding, after all mine didnt mean very much to her (I didnt even recieve a card or present from her when i got married as she was a bit jealous at the time that her younger sister was marrying and had a home etc), but if the implications werent there, id probably go anyway, but being as they are, and being as id have to drive 5 hours to get there, its really not worth it! i have however told her she welcome to borrow anything of mine from dress to shoes

Cat you clearly have thought this through fully, and you also considered all the possibilities. Its not like you are completely letting your sister down, if anything she should understand your situation. Your willing to lend her things and that is the best you can do in your situation.

Your heart is in the right place. You are caring about the right people. You and your dad. Would it be better if your dad didn’t go to the wedding either? Or do you think he would go anyway?

No my dad cant go with my mum being there and my brother being there. My mum upset him so much on my wedding day he had to leave early, she really does have a vicious mouth on her and although my day was perfect in hindsight i should never have given my mum that one last chance,looking back it should have been just my dad there and his partner, just 2 lovely caring people.My dad would like to give her away, but not at any cost!.

Yes i can help her with her wedding, and i have all the bits and bobs if money is tight, i’ll still be doing more for her than she ever did for my wedding day, but i think thats as far as it will ever go in the circumstances unless anything changes. we’re not close anyway, we keep in touch but not much more than that,infact she hasnt actaully told me shes getting married next year, the news came from my dad!, so no -not that close!

Well, at the end of the day you can do only as much as they ‘allow’ you to do. I’m in a similar situation with my sister - she doesn’t communicate at all. I don’t even know how she is doing except from asking my mom.

You can only do as much as she ‘allows’ you to do. If there is no ‘work’ done from her side, there is not much you can do. So just stick with who is the most important, your dad his partner and your husband.

Ever get the feeling that family politics are on a ticking time bomb?????

Yep....been there done that. Not quite the same as yours but it hasn’t been easy since my parents got divorced.