Female Forum

I’m serious now… we got married 18 years ago. We were in love, and future was for us…

now after 18 years, I don’t know what to do in this marriage… praying (as my aunt said) is not enough… he has spent too much money during the last 20 years, so from all important quarters aren’t trusting him… ok.. yes, we’ve been talking, he says he hasn’t played his money, he hasn’t use his credit card to pay for sex.. he says he has used his credit card just to pay general bills.....

I’m very stron woman, and to me that all sounds like “crap”, he cant get any credit now (thanks to God).. now his employeer is having negotiances(?) to get rid of staff…

Dear women, I hope you can help me. My parents are death, and my mother went too long by protecting my father..
but
I don’t want to tell our children that your father has been so stupid that we are in the middle of the financial crisis now…

Because of the situation I’m angry almost all the time, when I’m angry he’s angry for all of us… and kids don’t know why we have arguements....

please please please. I know we aren’t the only ones! But what did you do in the situation like this? Did you discuss with him and ... and what?

Did you leave your husband because of that?

did you tell the truth to your kids..?

I think the worst part of this is that our kids are hearing our fights (which are rare if I don’t say anything), but today, we had a big quarrel with him, kids were hearing us, so I couldn’t blame him, but I said I don’t want to live like this....

please, tell me how to get over this…

Hi Brs,

I am sorry to hear that you have this issue in your family. Unfortunately I am not married at the moment, and I am only 21. But I was wondering whether I could give you some advice on your children.

How old are your two children? If something was going on with my parents, I would definitely prefer to know what is going on. I think that if they do sometimes hear you and your husband fighting, they should know what it is about so that they don’t think it is about them. Children can sometimes misunderstand it when their parents fight and it is important to let them know that it is not their fault. You don’t have to tell them that it was their dad that has caused the problem if you don’t have to, or maybe don’t tell them at all. But make sure that they know that whatever the problem is, it is not them. It is something that you and your husband has to workout.

And with regards to you and your husband, I think that you should try and talk about things rationally. It is completely understandable that you are mad and angry at your husband, so don’t feel guilty about that.

Unfortunately I don’t know enough to help you through any other aspect of your problem Brs, because I feel that i don’t have enough experience in ‘life’ to help you. But know that if you ever need someone to listen, we are all here to support you.

Flutterby.
x

Thanks for your answer. I know kids notice all the little changes in family. Our kids are teenagers now, wanting more and more money, eventhough I’ve tried to explain that we dont have as much money to spent these days as before - they havent ask the reason..

The real problem is, that he doesn’t know how to talk about things rationally, he thinks we had talk about that (when he was very desperate and telling me what he had done) and we don’t need to talk about that anymore…

Brs, Have you thought of going to see the people who help with debt? I know there are free advice centers that help to sort these things out financially? I don’t really know of any myself. I hope everything will go better for you guys soon. X

It’s just my very humble opinion brs and I really feel for you, but you have to make him take responsibility for he’s done and its up to him to fix the problem. You can support him, but he now has to start doing something to seriously clear the debt and to not put you both back in the situation again.

I’d be very angry if it was me. He’s told you he doesn’t think you both need to talk about it any more and that’s ok - but he now has to fix the problem!

As Flutterby said you can get outside help and you could suggest that to him. But ultimately he can’t just hope the problem is going to go away. Its not going to go away by itself as you know, and he has to take responsibility for what he’s done, not only for you and the children, but he is legally responsible for paying those debts.

I wish you all the best brs, please let us know how it all goes.

Thinking of you…