Female Forum

I don’t know what I’m going to do about this, but I don’t have the money to pay my rent in January. I won’t go into a full explanation because I doubt anyone wants to read a novel of my stress and depression and inability to remember things, but I made an error in one of my bank accounts and the bank (without contacting me) transferred money out of my checking account to balance out the other account.  I am now left with no money to pay the rent.

I’ve called many, many agencies locally and I was either told they didn’t have the funds because of the holidays or there is no money in the budget to assist anyone.

I’m so tired of fighting a losing battle. I just want it all to go away. I’ve lost my house, my car (2 cars, actually), my friends and my mother.  I’m tired of being told how strong I am and how tough I am. I don’t have anything left and I am so tired of having doors slammed in my face. When one door closes, it’s not too long before another gets closed in my face.

I’m so tired of being emotionally tortured...........

Oh Dear,

You sound like a good friend of mine, continually down on her luck, with life seeming life a continual every day up hill struggle. I always say im sure theres such a thing as luck, and im sure some people have more of it than others.

Is there any chance at all you could speak to your landlord and explain your situation? if the thing with your rent money is a one off you may be suprised how understanding he/she may be if you could pay double next month or pay extra over 2 or 3 months to make up?. You dont know until you try. Not everyone is cold hearted towards people in your situation if its not something you have made a habbit of. I would give it a go.

On a seperate note, sometimes its easier to share your troubles with those whom you dont know, you have come to the right place...we’re all here to listen to you and advise.

x

The apartment complex owners no longer makes allowances/gives help for late rent.  I am making payments for my pet deposits, which is the only thing you don’t have to pay in full at the time you move in.  They have been very patient in collecting that money because they know my health condition and the overwhelming medical expenses I’ve had over the last six months.

I’m just so tired,Cat, so very very tired. I can’t think straight, can’t remember things and usually regurgitate when I try to eat. I have no one I can call for emotional support. If you were to look at all the phone numbers in my cell phone, you would find all business numbers, i.e. doctors, pharmacy, etc....no personal numbers - none.  I am completely isolated from the real world.  I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders and it’s breaking me down. I can’t do this alone anymore - I just don’t have the strength.

What country are you in Rayne2Day??

Here in the UK we have a place called citizens advice, they give legal and other types of advice for people in similar positions to yourself, do you have something similar? (i get the impression you might not be in the uk)?. They might well come up with some way around this problem, maybe not an ideal soloution but a solution to tie you over.

You sounds like you have and are having a rotten time in life, all these things seem to happen so unfairly to people, quite often from no fault of their own.

I dont have many friends in my ‘reality life’, more just aquaintances, but then im not one of those people who needs other people, my husband is enough, but i do have many good friends on the internet, a couple whom ive met on here, and a few on facebook, and they really are fabulous people. Do you have anyone like that you can talk to?. Stick around on here, we’re a friendly bunch and many with better advice than i could offer you. Most of all we’re here to talk to, tell us what has happened and letus get to know you a little better.

I’m not in the UK, I’m in the US. There are a few agencies that you can contact and they will put you in contact with the agencies that best suits your needs. I’ve contacted all those agencies and they either don’t have the funds available or there is a three or four month waiting list.  There are two places that I contacted that offer transportation - free of charge - to take you to your medical appointments.  However, I was told by both agencies that I would have to come into their office and fill out the paperwork. If I had transportation to go to their office, then I wouldn’t need their help getting to and from medical appointments! I even asked then how I was supposed to get to their office since I have no transportation.  Of course they had no reply.

I have no one in real life to talk to. My daughter says she has too much going on in her life to be bothered with what is going on in my life - although I am the first person she calls when she needs advice or just needs to vent her frustrations. And naturally she calls me when she needs a free babysitter. Yet I have to call and beg and plead and cry just to get her to take me to get groceries once a month.  Other that my brief conversations with her, listening to her problems, I don’t have anyone else that I can talk to. I am completely isolated from the “real world”,

I cancelled my MySpace account because it was just dead and I recently closed down my Facebook account because I had 350+ ‘friends’ but not a single person I knew or even talked to - it was all people wanting to build their mafia and sent a friend’s request to me for that reason.  Actually, it was for Mafia, Vampires or Pirates.

I’ll write my “novella” soon and explain a little more of where I was and how I got to this point, but that will have to wait for now. I am approximately 6 or 7 hours behind your time frame and it is now 7:30am and I haven’t slept yet, so I’m going to make a cup of hot tea and see if I can’t get at least an hour’s sleep.

But I will say this much for now. I was diagnosed with cancer (again) in 2006 and at that time my “friends” started pulling away from me - even my best friend of 15 years. The only thing I can figure out is that I was always the one they ran to for help, both emotionally and financially (I never turned down a friend in need) and when I got sick and had to focus on my health and my problems, they disappeared.  Even my mother got mad at me because I would have a doctor’s appointment on the day she had one (because I was the only one in the family that took care of her).  I cannot begin to count how many days I laid on the floor of her hospital room because the chemo made me sick, but yet she had to have someone with her in the hospital because the nurses were not allowed to do her dialysis because she had to have peritoneal fluid exchanges done every four hours (she did not do hemodialysis).  They finally started putting in her a room with two beds so I wouldn’t have to lay on the floor.  My cancer came back again this year and she gave me an ultimatum, do what she says, when she says it or be cut out of the will. - I was cut out of the will.  She passed away Easter Sunday and I was not allowed to see her in the hospital and was not allowed to even go to the funeral. My father passed away 10 years ago - 5 days before my birthday and my mother passed away 10 days after my birthday, so my family is always grieving when my birthday comes around - what little family I have. However, when someone else has a birthday, they all get together and go out to eat, as a family, to celebrate....notice I said “they” go out to eat.

I feel so sorry for you , Do you have anything like our’ AGE CONCERN ‘ oR ‘HELP THE AGED ‘ where you live ? , They are sympathetic & may be able to help you sort out your problems. Do keep in touch here, you do have someone to ‘ talk to ‘. Wishing you help with your problems

Yes, there are a couple of agencies here in town, similar to the ones you mentioned.  However - I’m 45 and don’t meet the requirements of the programs. They are strictly for the 60 and older communities that are on Medicaid and/or Medicare.  They do not take into consideration that there are many being on social security that are under the age of 60. I am on Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI), which is permanent disability) and Medicare and have a secondary insurance to cover what Medicare doesn’t pay. But I’m 45yo, not 60+yo so I fail in being accepted into a lot of programs because I’m too young. 

Also, the mayor of the city in which I live has been indited for embezzlement and has left the city in such chaos that it is a very good possibility they will be filing for bankruptcy.  City jobs have already been cut, leaving about 40 people with a job, and that is one reason I can’t find financial help to pay my rent.

And also, out of the 24 elementary, middle and high schools, 10 have been closed down and the children are now being bussed to the next closet school.  This is all caused my the ex mayor.  Even churches are low on funds because of the economy.

I spend a majority of my days crying but now that the bank has screwed me up and I no longer have rent money I cry continuously and without control.

Hi Rayne, I’m sorry about the situation you’re in. Is moving a possibility? Maybe you could have access to more resources in a larger city, maybe one with better public transportation, or where you could live within walking distance to doctors and grocery stores, etc. It doesn’t sound like your family and friends are really worth sticking around for. Maybe a new start would help you feel happier.

Also, give your bank a call and hopefully you can speak to someone who will sympathize and maybe drop some of your overdraft charges or whatever. I’ve been surprised at the help my bank gave me when I simply called them and explained my situation. Just be really nice and professional to whoever you speak with there and see what you can do.

Good luck with everything. I really do hope things get better for you.

I live in the largest city in Alabama, which is where my only family is (my daughter and grandson) and the city is almost bankrupt due to the last mayor here, who is now is prison for embezzlement and bribery. I live within walking distance of a grocery store (about a mile) but I am on disability and not able to walk the mile, nor do I have money to buy many groceries because of my medical costs. I have already contacted the bank and they have no pity on me and with it being so close to Christmas all the agencies in town that might have been able to help me are out of what little funds they have.  So I am without my rent money for January and no transportation and no food for me or my pets. I have power, but the gas has been cut off, so I have no heat in the apartment except for a small, electric room heater.  When I get evicted, I have no place for my pets to go.  They are truly my loves and I can’t bear losing them.  They are all I have, but I can’t exactly walk the streets homeless with two cats in a carrier. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

But I hope every enjoys their Christmas and their nice hot meals and their family members and are truly truly THANKFUL for what they have - because it can be ripped away so easily...believe me, I know how quickly it can happen.

I had a mild heart attack December 4th.  Not one single member of my family showed up at the hospital - not even after I finally made it home. Family is a wonderful thing - IF they love you.....mine does not. No one does.

Rayne2Day - 21 Dec 2009 06:26 PM

...mine does not. No one does.

This is not true. There are people who love you. Your family most certainly does, but they kind of sound like selfish jerks who either don’t know how to show support, or have too many of their own problems. Don’t concern yourself with that, though. You can’t let the actions of others play such a large part in your happiness. I know you feel isolated and alone, but hopefully you can turn those feelings into empowerment. To hell with those jerks you call your family. Don’t waste any more emotion on them. Do not give up on yourself. No more crying, ok? Crying isn’t going to help anything. Start thinking about how you’re going to improve your situation. What do you need to have happen? There has to be something, now, let’s think about it.

I’m assuming you’ve looked into food stamps or whatever they’re called in AL. Wouldn’t they be almost guaranteed since you’re on Medicare and SSDI? What’s the situation there?

Contact churches. Most have programs in place to help people put food on the table or not go homeless.

What about one of those power scooter things like a hoveround to help you get to the grocery store? I think they pretty much handle the process of having medicare pay for it. http://www.hoveround.com 1-800-542-7236

Call around to the Humane Society and other shelters and vets to see what they can do about keeping your cats for a while IF you end up needing that.

I still think you should consider moving if you will have better access to programs that can help you. I know it’s a big step, but look at it in the long run.

I’m sure you’ve already looked into some of these things, but I’m just trying to get the ball rolling on your options. There HAS to be something out there for you. Do not give up.

I do appreciate all that you have said, Milly and unfortunately I do have to depend on them at this moment as my car was repossessed one day after I had a heart attack back at the beginning of this month.  I have no transportation and can’t seem to get qualified with agencies that are supposed to take the disabled and elderly to their doctor’s appointment.  I have a very unusual situation in receiving my disability check each month.  Although it is not a lot of money, I do get more than most people who are on disability simply because I was an accountant before becoming ill.....I paid a lot of money into taxes and now my disability is higher than most - but still not enough to survive on.  I don’t qualify for food stamp or Medicaid and I pay close to $100 a month for my Medicare insurance.

Although I am only one mile from the grocery store - I don’t live in a traditional residential area that has sidewalks. If someone were to walk that distance, they would have to do so walking on the actual side of the road because there are several areas that are just deep ravines if you don’t stay on the road.  I could not take a hoveround onto a main street and I’m not sure my doctor would approve it (and have absolutely no place to put a hoveround when not in use.

I have contacted LiHeap for assistance with me utilities and the first available appointment they have for me to come in is January 29th - and even though I have no transportation - if I want help from them, I have to go to them. Those” selfish jerks” you talked about would have to take off work and drive me there and to put it bluntly - it will be a cold day in Hades before they ever do anything like.

I have contacted the Salvation Army, United Ways and several of their affiliated groups. Besides it being the holidays, it is also end of the year and there is little or no money available to help anyone.

I absolutely cannot move.  I just moved here six months ago and it is a dump but it is all I could afford (barely).  However, it cost me $2500 to make the move here. Packing and moving boxed almost killed me. I have ruptured and herniated disks in my back and I literally cried every time I had to pick up a box. It just made my pain worse and I ended up having to have a Spinal Block done.  I took my last $1200 and used it as a down payment on a car, so I could try to find a part time job which would pay for the car.  However - my cancer returned and surgery was necessary and the chemo makes me so sick I wish I was dead - - and unfortunately my Lupus has decided to flare up and the chemo has caused an infection around my heart (Pericarditis) which lead to my heart attack and the day I came home after having this heart attack, there was a knock on the door asking for the keys to my car because it was being repossessed. So now I don’t get to finish my chemo, I can’t get refills on my medications because “those jackasses” are too busy to be bothered with me and I have no friends in this town.

I’ve tried everything - God knows I’ve called every place, even if I knew I didn’t qualify for it - I called hoping they could refer me to some place that could help and it hasn’t helped.

What are you doing Christmas? I’m keeping my grandson half a day because daycare is closed and my daughter has to work. She’s going to come pick him up after lunchtime and then is going home to get ready for the family Christmas “feast” and open presents with the rest of the family.

I’ll be sitting here watch some movie that I’ve already seen a thousand times, because I only have one pair of blue jeans and about three blouses to wear and my jeans are worn out in the thigh/crotch area and I don’t have anything to patch it up with, nor do I have money to buy another pair of jeans. (besides the fact that I was really invited to the family feast)

So why should I keep trying? I can’t look for a job to help improve my financial situation because I don’t have transportation. I can’t improve my health because when I run out, I have no way of getting refills. My utilities are being cut off soon because I don’t have the money to pay them, so I definitely don’t have money to buy another pair of jeans and I still have $29,000 worth of medical ‘stuff’ Medicare didn’t pay for and I have no way of paying the and according to my lawyer I can’t file bankruptcy until September of 2010.

So how to do improve my situation when I have no resources and no support system.....please tell me.

And Milly - I know this answer sound mean and hateful, but I don’t mean it that way and especially don’t want you to think my anger is being directed at you - it is NOT. I greatly appreciate the fact that you took the time to look at this post, read it, and give some wonderful alternatives. - I really do. 

I am not mad at you - I am mad at the system and extremely angry at myself for always being so damn sick and losing everything and everyone in my life. I honestly feel like a worthless piece of sh*t and I know I if something happened to me and I died (I m not suicidal)there would be no one to really care or notice.

I’m eating toast for supper - and breakfast - and lunch because all I have in the house is bread, oh & coffee. 

Merry Christmas to All

(except me)

I don’t think you sounded mean and hateful. I know it must be infuriating to have someone (me) going, “Try this - easy!” when you’ve already thought this all through and exhausted possibilities. I was just kinda hoping that maybe there were options you hadn’t considered yet because of all the other stuff you’re dealing with, but it sounds like you have it covered.

Got an address? What size do you wear? Dietary restrictions/preferences/got a stove or microwave to prepare food? Are there any real basic necessities you need (toiletries, etc)? I can try to scrape together some clothes and goodies and mail you a package. Private Message me, please. I probably won’t be around until tomorrow evening to check PMs, but I’ll get back to you.

PS It must bother you that you do favors for your daughter like babysit your grandson, but she can’t even bring you any f-ing groceries or give you rides to important places. How about, “Yes, daughter, I’d love to babysit, but you’re going to have to pick up some groceries for me and I’ll pay you for them when you bring grandson, otherwise, I’m sorry, but I just can’t do you any more favors until you help me out a little”. Don’t reply to this part of my post if you don’t want to - I know I may be getting into things you probably don’t really want to talk about here, but I just had to say something about it. Sorry if I’ve offended.

Anyway, hope to hear from you!

I will sent you a PM, but I appreciate anyone giving any suggestions.  I try everything I can find and there’s alway something somewhere that someone might suggest that I haven’t thought of, so I don’t mind hearing the same thing 100 times if there is a chance I might hear something new.

The only reason I put up with my daughter’s babysitting needs is because that is the only time (being without a car)I get to see my beautiful baby boy. My payment for babysitting is a Dr. Pepper.  That’s what she brings me every time.

The one thing that has hurt me more than anything was December 4th - (my car was repossessed Dec 5th).  I drove myself to the emergency room having chest pains. The hospital contacted my next of kin (my daughter) and she told them she was going to lay down and take a nap and to have me call her when I was able to.  I still have Pericarditis because I am out of the antibiotic needed to clear it up and they wanted to admit me for the weekend so they could just go ahead and run a bevy of tests that would help them figure out exactly what all is going on with me. (I also have Lupus which has flared up right now)

I had to refuse admission because I have two cats (my loves) and they would go without food or water the entire time I was gone - and that could have been overnight or fives nights and I knew she would not go feed them. 

So after 15 hours in the ER, and doped up pretty much, I drove myself home, fed my animals and there was a knock on my door with someone asking for the keys to my car because they had order to repo it.

I called my daughter and told her I was home and why I was home and her response was that she was out with the family eating and wanted to know if she could call me later - never asked how I was. She has NEVER asked about how I feel or what is wrong with me. She says she doesn’t want to know because she has enough stress on her without having to add me into the equation.

I am definitely not offended.  I know that I am being used, but the only ray of light that I have in my life right now is my beautiful grandson....

I know this is not what you want to hear, but the previous poster has a point. I know seeing your grandson makes you happy, but i do agree, your health has to come first and you need to prioritise this. So yes i think when you daughter phones up and asks you to baby sit you need to say “of course i will, but on you way can you pick me up a few groceries”. Put your foot down once in a while. This will never get any better if you & your daughter carry on the way you have been. She is willing to take as long as your willing to give. You might have to help your self with this one and put your foot down i think.

I don’t have to worry about that any longer. My electricity is being cut off on the 6th of January (gas has already been cut off) and I don’t have the rent for January, so none of these are issues for me anymore. Eviction is just a few weeks away, and I’m contacting my daughter today to let her know that I can’t keep him because I have no heat, no food and will be evicted after Christmas. So everything is a moot point at this stage in the game.

And likewise, without electricity or a place to stay, I won’t be around here either.

why wont your daughter / family help in your time of difficulty?. You said they wont, and will all be celebrating christmas together, what made things get to this point??