Thanks all for sharing. I am really glad to have read what others wrote considering I am in the same boat as well. I am in my mid-twenties and have been married for just over one year. My husband is a few years my junior and we dated for a number of years before getting married. He was a mama’s boy until his middle school years, at which time his parents became physically abusive, and as a result he was suicidal. He has dealt with insecurities ever since, and I am afraid those insecurities are the root of his clinginess, which has become extremely unattractive.
My father didn’t like him from the beginning - no thanks to me being the first-born and my father being an absolute control freak. But I feel like I’ve traded one freak for another. This Thanksgiving I want to visit my family, but my husband has class work and doesn’t want to spend time with my family. He whines that he’ll “be all alone for Thanksgiving - again!”. His parents left him alone one Thanksgiving weekend while he was in middle school as punishment.
I am completely family oriented, and I have lost most touch with my family this last year. I use excuses like “I’m busy” or “I’m working” - most of the time that is true, but I want to travel to my family and spend time with them. I am getting so tired of my husband saying “You don’t want to spend time with me” - and all I do is move to the bedroom or living room to have some time to myself. I am currently unemployed so I spend most of my time at home, but my husband feels that I need to be by his side (literally on the couch with him) 24/7. I even started changing my sleeping schedule so I am awake when he is asleep so I can just have some peace and quiet alone. Also, I make all of the food, and he asks me to fetch him food. He is just playing a video game and he asks me to make whatever food his stomach desires. The only food he will fix for himself is a bowl of cereal - that’s because I “don’t do it right”. I am the one who goes grocery shopping, I am the one who cleans and does laundry, I am the bread winner. I feel like I am putting a child to bed every night - like someone already posted, he wants a massage or back rub or hand massage every night. I am exhausted.
In typing this out, I realize that I really need professional counseling, however, my husband refused pre-marital counseling and I am sure that he will refuse it now. I am just about at my wits end, and am not sure how long I can remain “happy” in this marriage - considering I am not happy with the relationship now.
To top it off, I was a lesbian prior to meeting him (I never had sexual relations, but I knew since 8th grade that I was attracted to women), and I can’t say that I completely left that behind. I have never been attracted to any other man - just my husband. He was “the one” who I loved so much and with so much passion that I was willing to set my true nature aside. The more clingy he becomes the more dramatic he is and I do not find that attractive. I married a man to be manly - if I wanted drama I would have married my first true love - a girl. His clinginess has made me lose my sexual drive to be with him. Also, we abstained from sex prior to marriage, and in retrospect, I completely support sex before marriage, because one should be sure that the feelings go beyond infatuation.
Right now I just needed to let that out - literally, I never came out to my parents. Before dating my husband I made it clear to him that I was attracted to women, but I honestly don’t think he understood the depths of such feelings. He is always concerned that I am attracted to other men, but he really needs to worry about the ladies. The last three months all I can think about is “What was I thinking?!? Why did I get married?” I also feel that my parent’s refusing to accept him from the beginning made our relationship more appealing. My family is devoutly religious, as had I been until I got married. Not 6 months into the marriage, but we stopped going to church, and basically had to sever most ties with those people. And now my lesbianism has come back with a roaring vengeance and I am having a hard time dealing with everything.
Sorry that I went so off topic, but I am so afraid that if I confront him, or even divorce him, that he’ll commit suicide (I am not being melodramatic here) or become a hermit like we have already become. Also, why did I not see this to begin with? I feel like part of us separating would be because I should have known better because of being gay.
I have thought about having an affair with my past love so many times. Anyway, I’m going to seek professional help as well, but I appreciate anyone’s input. It was very therapeutic just posting this.