My husband and I always planned to have 3 children. We currently have two boys aged 4 and 16 months. Recently my husband told me that he doesn’t want anymore children, that the thought of us having another baby makes him feel ill. Before falling pregnant with our second child, we discussed trying for a girl and decided that we wouldn’t bother, that if we had another boy we could try for a girl on the third go around. I am now DESPERATE to have another baby, specifically a daughter. Plenty of people say I should just ‘forget’ the pill, have an ‘accident’, or just ignore him and get pregnant anyway. I have far to much respect for my husband and our relationship to be so deceitful. Because of that, I feel like I’m in a situation where I am losing by default.
I feel like I am grieving the loss of a child yet to be conceived… (stangely these feelings are much stronger than when I suffered a miscarriage before either of our sons were born). When he asked why I was so upset, and I expressed it in terms of ‘how can any woman not be upset when they can’t have a child that they desperately want?’ he dismissed my feelings as dissimilar to those of a woman who is childless and can’t conceive. I know I should be grateful that I have 2 healthy, happy sons, but can’t help thinking that if I’d known my husband’s decision before I was pregnant the second time, I would have tried for a girl. Even if after trying for a daughter we still had a second son, at least I would have been prepared for him to be my last child.
How do I deal with this? On one hand I want him to change his mind so so much! But I also don’t want to make demands or say childish things like ‘but you promised’. Has anyone else had a similar problem?