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He’d rather hang out with some buddies than me… what to do?

Posted: 19 Feb 2012 01:45 AM   Ignore ]  
Breaking the Ice
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Hello everyone!

I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 22. We’ve been together now for 8 months, and we’re both committed to our relationship and very serious about it. There is a problem though, and perhaps I’m letting it get to me, but I need some help with this.

I’m a full time student in College, and he works full time and has odd hours. I still live at home, and so am expected to respect my parent’s rules/hours of being out. Here’s the problem. We don’t get to see each other that often… typically, when I don’t have school, he has work. And when he’s off, I’m in class or studying for an exam.

However, when we both have time off, we don’t see each other… Most of the time it’s because he’s already got plans with some of his buddies. I’ll admit, every now and then, I already have something to do, but that has only happened a handful of times. He often has “other plans”.

We both love each other, and the time I’m with him I wouldn’t trade for the world; and neither would he. It’s just frustrating, and I’m not sure what to do at this point. Do I just shrug it off, and stop worrying so much? Or is this something to be concerned about? He’s never mysterious (if you will) about what he’s doing or where he’s at. It just bothers me knowing that he’d make plans with other people before making plans with me.

And don’t get me wrong. I’m not one of those “you can never hang out with other people” kind of girlfriends. I’d just like to see him more often than 2-3 times a week.

Thanks for any suggestions you ladies have. It’s greatly appreciated!

Posted: 20 Feb 2012 08:02 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]  
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Why don’t you speak to him about it GG; can’t say I necessarily see anything to be concerned about.

Posted: 20 Feb 2012 09:13 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]  
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Agreed, SocialGirl. Doesn’t sound like he’s trying to hide anything, more that he hasn’t really thought about it. He probably just accepts invitations from his buddies before he talks to you, then feels like he can’t cancel on them.
Best thing to do is sit down with him and tell him how you feel, he’s most likely not even aware that you’re feeling a bit left out. After all, you can’t fix a problem if you don’t know its there! Remember too, thats its not necessarily the quantity of time you spend together, but rather the quality.
As to you still living at home, a chat with your parents about some flexibility in this situation might be appropriate?

Posted: 20 Feb 2012 08:49 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]  
Breaking the Ice
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Thanks ladies.

Yes, I probably am overreacting about this. I will certainly take your advice!
Thanks again

Posted: 21 Feb 2012 01:45 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]  
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Been thinking about this, Greengirl. Just wanted to add that my hubby used to be like this, making decisions without any thought as to what I would think or want to do. I had a talk with him about it, and he just hadn’t realised he was doing it. He’s much better now, I hope it works for you as well as it did for me!

Posted: 21 Feb 2012 02:49 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]  
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You just have to remember men are about 8yrs behind us in maturity so he is at the point where a teenage girl likes to go with her mates for a giggle but has a bf for other times she thinks the world of, give him time to settle then train him.

Posted: 21 Feb 2012 04:06 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]  
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You are SOOO right, Ms.LadyCaz.  Of course you are always right except for 1 small thing…..8 years is being really nice to us men, we are probably 10 to 12 years behind.

Greengirl…..Please pay attention to these ladies, especially Ms. LadyCaz, and especially the end where she says “then train him”.

SOOO smart.

Posted: 21 Feb 2012 08:18 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]  
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LadyCaz is quite right of course (jellybean - 10-12 years LOL). Lets face it besides the maturity level, most men are clueless when it comes to ‘us’ the fairer sex! So I think communication is key… they’re far from ‘mind-readers’ lol. Guidance and…. if you so wish, ‘training” (haha)

Posted: 02 Mar 2012 05:41 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]  
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Well, take me for example, my wife has been trying for going on 18 years, and she still is far from being “done”

Ha! Ha!

Posted: 11 Mar 2012 05:39 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]  
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I’d try not to let it get to you. I really do not know why, but loads of men are like this. They love hanging out with mates, having a laugh…but literally they cannot see from your point of view why this may make you feel upset or rejected a little bit.

The way i used to feel was….but any free time i get i want to spend with you, why do u not feel the same way towards me?

But a lot of men just dont think like that.

What i did when i found myself in a similar situation was to do my own thing. I wasn’t as available as i used to be. He couldnt just expect to go see his mates then come see me after or the next day etc. etc.

Once he realises you wont just drop everything for him, and he really does want to spend the time with you, you’ll notice he might choose you over seeing his friends every once in a while.

I say, let him go play with his friends, but just you make sure you go see yours too! See how much he likes it when you choose your friends over him…you would have to do this on more than one occasion for him to notice this though.

Above all this though i do agree that talking to him is the best solution. Just keep it simple and suggest that you two try and arrange set times to see eachother because its getting you down that you don’t get to look forward to seeing him and you love giving him his space but that if things continue this way you will continue to feel a bit disconnected from him.

You seem like a cool girlfriend towards him, so he’s stupid to choose his mates over you a lot anyway raspberry good luck girl x

 

Posted: 20 Mar 2012 11:18 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]  
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I’m afraid I have the same advice. Mine was like yours, except it was computer games and talking online. I had a word with him simply saying I was unhappy with the way things were and I wanted us to spend more time together. At first he was a bit whingy until we hit across the idea of playing games together and it all progressed from there. SO talk to him, explain it out and try to find a compromise. Maybe a double date as well as time alone together? Also maybe try and set one day a week where you do stuff together?

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