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Posted: 26 Feb 2012 11:03 AM   Ignore ]  
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I’ve been very close to a girl who I would consider to be my best friend for about 6 years. But shes recently gotten serious with a boyfriend and I seem to have been totally forgotten about. She only sees her boyfriend on weekends as he works away. I try and make plans with her but i always get fobbed off with some excuse . Even when i try and make plans in the week when I know she wont be seeing her boyfriend she again makes excuses not to see me. I ask her to do something with me and she gives an excuse but I try and work around it to make it easier for her but then i still get a ‘no’ as a reply. She rarely texts me and I never see her anymore and im a bit fed up of chasing. I understand that when youre with someone you want to spend as much time with them but im worried that if things goes wrong between them ill resent her for basically ignoring me when she was too busy with her boyfriend. Does that sound mean?
On the few occasions i have seen her which hasnt been alot she talks alot about other friends and disrespects them by completely slating them and i wonder whether she does the same about me to her other friends? She talks about how certain friends annoy her, but then i see on Facebook that they’re hanging out. It seems very two faced to me and deep down I think i know shes treating me the same too.
I am a little upset as ive always tried to be there for her and id go out of my way to see her, but ive been pushed aside and it feels like shes totally forgotten about me. I know itll end in an arguement if I bring it up to her. I also dont want to talk about it with her as i feel that thatll force her into seeing me when its blatant that she doesnt want anything to do with me.
I dont really know what to do right now. shall i keep trying with this friendship or let her get on with it?
Cath

Posted: 26 Feb 2012 04:42 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]  
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Anyone?????? lol

Posted: 26 Feb 2012 06:24 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]  
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Hi cath, from what I read, honestly she doesn’t sound worth fretting over. I would seriously consider that if she is talking about others yet is hanging out with them…well, not very trust worthy. I know it is painful to lose a friend, but is she a friend? I would suggest you go on to greener pastures with friends you can trust. smile

Posted: 26 Feb 2012 09:29 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]  
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Just feels like shes changed so suddenly, or maybe its been a gradual process but because I have such little contact with her i havent really noticed. I guess people change, especially when you start a relationship with another person. Its still quite sad though. Thanks for the advice

x

Posted: 27 Feb 2012 07:44 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]  
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I would simply let it go for now… as you say should things go wrong she will no doubt contact you and perhaps that’s the time when you should approach her in a non-confrontational manner, suggesting more or less what you have said here. As far as her speaking behind your back, I am sure you will get to hear about it sooner or later in which time you can then address your friendship accordingly; make a decision if the friendship is worthwhile or not.  It is sad but unfortunately this is part and parcel of life..

Posted: 27 Feb 2012 10:05 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]  
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Maybe you’re right. I asked her what shes doing this week, and ill judge what ill do about the situation when or if i get a response. Ive tried for years to maintain friendship but they never seem to work out. It can be quite upsetting. Makes you wonder what I done wrong or what I couldve done differently?

Posted: 27 Feb 2012 11:50 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]  
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Don’t beat up on yourself girlie… some friendships are like that… my rule has always been that if they become too much like hard work, then they’re not worth Pursuing, however, you need to make that judgement… I wouldn’t necessarily throw away this friendship based purely on assumptions in view that you have known
her for so long, but as in all areas, you need to have boundaries, making room for allowances that do not compromise your principles, etc. Hope all works out Cath.

Posted: 27 Feb 2012 09:00 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]  
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I get the distinct impression that she’s not really bothered. I asked her to meet up on my day off and i didnt get a straight answer ’ well play it by ear’ which means shell make an excuse last minute.( which she usually does) If she wanted to meet up she’d make solid plans , right? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I dont want to throw everything away but i feel like a bit of a fool.I feel like shes gone off me in a way and im not really sure why. but like i said before i dont want to mention it then id feel that she’d have to see me in a way .
Ive never been the type of person to have alot of friends so this is why its so painful. I remember over the years always having one close friend then them drifting away from me. I find that hard to deal with, and this is no exception.
Im always paranoid people dont like me but its obvious shes going off me. I dunno… thanks for your replies though

x

Posted: 27 Feb 2012 09:57 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]  
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Cath I know its hard but look for other friends, it seems like this one just wants to be with her boyfriend & no one else,dont bother to contact her , if she contacts you & you want to see her fine , if not just put it down to experience. I have had friends who for one reason or another have drifted away or moved ,& I have had to make new ones .Several times in the past I have been very hurt at times over a very dear friend, when she has taken other newer friends out somewhere or seen a lot of them & not seeing me , but I have sat back & keep quiet & seen her if we were both free,Now we are both older & not in good health , she & her husband moved several miles away & I thought our friendship finished , but it is stronger than ever, she says I am her oldes & closest friend & I go to stay with them every year for a holiday,we speak on the phone weekly , I see her if/when she goes to her sons as it is easy for me to travel there. It is always best to have more than 1 friend. Do you meet other people whom you can go out with sometimes & strike up a friendship ?

Posted: 27 Feb 2012 10:21 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]  
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Yes cath, I had a similar experience last year with a friend of over 30 years. I was putting forth the effort and not getting the same in return…so I made a decision, we had many words via email and I am done! Just not worth my time or energy, especially when I have friends from years back that are real friends. Who needs it!

If you think there is something about your behavior that may be part of the problem, then I would look at it closely and get opinions from people you can trust…Other than that, you obviously care way more about her than she does you. Let her go and if she misses you she will contact you and then I would hit her up with a few questions. smile

Posted: 28 Feb 2012 12:41 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]  
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This type of rejection I feel is the most difficult to take, even more so than being rejected by someone you see romantically. While it seems awful to lose a friend of such long standing, if she continues this behaviour you are only going to get hurt more. If maintaining the friendship is becoming too much hard work, then I’d let it cool off for a while. Friendship is not one sided as it appears in your case. If she is a true friend, she will miss you and contact you.

Your other option is to ask her straight up if there is any reason she’s been avoiding you. Be careful not to say anything like “you never have time for me”, or “you aren’t being a good friend”, as these will certainly get her back up and start the fight you want to avoid. You’ll have greater success in a conversation with her if you make it about you, and the way you feel. “I’m worried that I’ve unintentionally upset you” or “I really value our friendship and would hate to lose you, but its becoming difficult for me to fit into your busy life”.

Good luck Cath, and I hope you can sort it out with her. smile

Posted: 28 Feb 2012 10:55 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]  
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Thank you for all your replies smile
Ive recently started a new job so ive made a few friends there which is great and great for my confidence.
I dont think id word is harshly if i decided to speak to her about it. But if i thought i was leaving my friend out whether i had a new partner , id be sure to make every effort into seeing them. im not sure why its different for her.
were supposed to be meeting tomorrow but i very much doubt shell stick to that plan as shes ‘playing it by ear’. i guess shes always been like that though. when we make plans, theyre never really plans as chances are shed cancel last minute.
suppose ill just go on whether shell meet me tomorrow and whether she actual makes the effort when we do meet up.
the last time we met up she made it clear that she had no money so i offered to pay for lunch , which i didnt mind at all. but then after lunch we went window shopping and she bought two skirts! so i was a bit pissed as she said she had no money.
i dunno , im rambling now, but thanks again for your replies, means alot smile

x

Posted: 28 Feb 2012 12:56 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 12 ]  
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Will be interesting to see if she meets you cath… let us know.

Posted: 29 Feb 2012 10:05 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 13 ]  
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What a big suprise , she cancelled :( , i give up!!!!

Posted: 29 Feb 2012 10:10 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 14 ]  
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Im so cross! I was the one who text to ask what the plan was and she replies with ‘im ill’. she wasnt ill 10 hours ago when she was updated her facebook status when she was out with her other friends. I dont know whether im more cross then upset or upset than cross. If she was ill why not text first thing to say?
She obviously doesnt give a damn about me and right now i dont about her. ARggh!! im going to the gym soon so hopefully thatll let off some steam.
So disappointed :*(

Posted: 29 Feb 2012 11:08 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 15 ]  
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Cath, I would leave it at that…. all i can suggest that you let her be the one to make any future contact…. It appears you are flogging a dead horse! Sorry it worked out like this girlie xox

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