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Looking for relationship advice, after he hit me. 

Posted: 20 Jan 2017 10:51 AM   Ignore ]  
Shy
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Hi,

Okay so I’ll start with a bit of background. We have been together around 18 months and living together 6 months. We had got to the point where arguing was normal and throwing insults at each other was a part of that, I tried to convince him we needed to talk to somebody but he is very private. Anyway, we were going on holiday to Florida and argued the day before (a big one) we went anyway and tried to make the most of it however half way through we had a row while I was driving and he ended up punching me and breaking my nose. After much emotional talk and upset we decided to try make the most of the last week and then go our separate ways when we got home. However during that last week he was perfect, he tried so hard and it showed. Now we are home obviously my family are telling me to go nowhere near him and he blames them for us not being together. I’m torn, I don’t know wether this was as he says the wake up call for him and he is a changed man or I am being a complete dummy and just believing what I want to hear to make our relationship work. Can people change? Can his words be true?

Posted: 20 Jan 2017 06:27 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]  
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Hi Sheree,

Sorry to say this, but you need to dump him. You are talking about a guy, who actually hit you hard enough to break your nose. He did not give you a push, he didn’t shake you, nor give you a slap, and he certainly did not hold back when he hit you. What he did was bunch his hand into a solid block, a fist, and hit you so hard that he broke your nose. I did plenty of contact sports when I was a kid, I often took a bashing on my nose, it never once broke.

This guy is dangerous, and unable to control his level of violence. You cannot trust a guy who is capable of this level of violence, and you are never going to forget that. Every time, you have raised voices, you will wonder if he is going to hit you again.

Your family are right, finish with him.

Posted: 20 Jan 2017 08:52 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]  
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I agree.

Things may be Ok at the moment, but as time goes on and the relationship matures it is unlikely that things will improve.

One advantage you have had in living together is that you have found out how things are when you live close together. They don’t look good. Relationships cannot go well when blame is being shunted around. Really he should not be blaming others, but accepting that he has caused the problem.

He does sound violent and unpredictable, which is a very risky situation.

 

Posted: 21 Jan 2017 12:38 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]  
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Hi Sheree,

I think I would be scared of it happening again or having something far worse happen and I would also question why he isn’t taking responsibility for the violence and putting the blame on your family.

One clear sign of someone who is abusive is when they isolate their partner from their family members.

I hope you keep us up to date on how you are feeling and know whatever you decide you are not alone in this matter and please keep your family in the loop. They may come off as judging but it is because they care.

How is your nose? I hope it is better then your heart, break ups are hard.

Posted: 21 Jan 2017 04:58 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]  
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Leave.

I’m pretty blunt, so please don’t take it as a nastiness, but leave. Now. Find a way out and leave.

Me and my ex used to argue a lot too. We were teenagers and didn’t think too much of it. After he threw me down my first flight of stairs he made a huge effort to show he’d changed too. Then it was a second flight of stairs, a punch, a kick, a cup dashed on the side of the head, physically forcing me through sex, throwing me to the floor at college, a third flight of stairs, a plate at a wall by my head, tying me down so I couldn’t go anywhere during sex, more plates, smashing my head into the desk, throwing a bottle at me, dislocating a finger (very purposefully), such a beating that I started labour at 20 weeks and lost my son. The list kept on from there until I left. From start to finish that relationship lasted four very long years and more often than not it was twisted around so much that I genuinely believed it was my fault. That I’d made him angry.

It always starts small. It starts with you just making him so damn angry he couldn’t help it. It was an instinct. An accident. He didn’t mean to. He’s so sorry. It’ll never happen again. He’ll be the model man from here on out. He’ll earn your trust back.

Sound familiar? Leave. Before he really messes with your head.

Just so you know, I can be a pain in the ass. I’m emotional, tempestuous. Pain and sadness comes out as anger and suddenly my hubby finds himself facing down the wrong end of a very peed off bear. In seven years, he’s never hit me once. There is so excuse. Ever.

Posted: 23 Jan 2017 12:25 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]  
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Sheree, I hope you already left this guy. Things won’t change. For your own sake, leave and cut off all contacts with him.

Posted: 24 Jan 2017 10:03 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]  
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I’d listen to Papillio. She is a wise woman. Not to sound horrible or frighten you, but you’ll be hit, kicked and punched over and over again for years unless you leave. He will NEVER CHANGE. I know you’re feeling that somehow you’re exaggerating things or making something out of nothing. He mustn’t be to blame now he’s acting perfect right? That’s all it is: an act. As already said he bunched up his fist and punched you hard on the nose: enough to break it. You made him do it, right? You’re to blame: but you’re not. He is a violent man and will only become more violent. He knows you’re hurting yet he’ll carry on beating you in cold blood. I am not being dramatic. Do you want to be at his mercy? To live your life is fear of what he’ll do next and the pain you’ll feel? You DON’T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS. Talk to a counsellor, look after yourself and END THE RELATIONSHIP. He doesn’t love you and if he does he has a funny way of showing it. Learn to love yourself and walk away.

Posted: 25 Jan 2017 12:01 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]  
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At least think about walking away on a trial separation smile

Posted: 25 Jan 2017 10:46 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]  
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Sheree, I agree with the other ladies.  I think the fact that he broke your nose and it sounds to me like he just loves to argue.  I can see that you are trying.  I don’t know how serious your relationship with this guy, but if he’s doing this now to you.  What is going to happen if and when you get married? Before I got married there was no fighting and I thought everything was going well for us. The first seven years being married to this idiot was hell on earth.  Constant fighting.
I just gave up and let him Have his way, cause I found out after 45 years I am not going to change him and I’m too old to leave him.  And the fact that i never got a chance to live on my own.  It
scares me if that would happen cause he made me dependant on him and I should of never done that.
Sheree, what ever you decide is up to you.  Just remember as the other ladies told me.  You need to take care of you.  don’t worry about what he thinks.  You are in my prayers sweetie.

flowers

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 01:05 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]  
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Flowers - 25 Jan 2017 10:46 PM

Sheree, I agree with the other ladies.  I think the fact that he broke your nose and it sounds to me like he just loves to argue.  I can see that you are trying.  I don’t know how serious your relationship with this guy, but if he’s doing this now to you.  What is going to happen if and when you get married? Before I got married there was no fighting and I thought everything was going well for us. The first seven years being married to this idiot was hell on earth.  Constant fighting.
I just gave up and let him Have his way, cause I found out after 45 years I am not going to change him and I’m too old to leave him.  And the fact that i never got a chance to live on my own.  It
scares me if that would happen cause he made me dependant on him and I should of never done that.
Sheree, what ever you decide is up to you.  Just remember as the other ladies told me.  You need to take care of you.  don’t worry about what he thinks.  You are in my prayers sweetie.

flowers


I love this advice Flowers. Self care is so important.

Posted: 26 Jan 2017 10:22 PM   Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]  
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Lol cheers Kit. Experience is the teacher of all things… Or in less fancy words, I’d wear the t-shirt but I Konmari’d it (!)

My dry humour aside, how are you shereexx? Honey, I know what we’re saying is pretty rough. No one likes to think of their partner that way even if they deserve it. Even if you’ve thought it yourself from time to time.

But let us know how you’re doing. Otherwise we’ll worry after you smile

Posted: 23 Feb 2017 08:25 AM   Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]  
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Do let us know how you’re getting on. Take care, lovely.

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