No doubt by now you’ve been in at least a dozen different social settings where the question of your singleness has become the topic of conversation. For many single women, it’s enough to make them want to stay in and live up to the shrew reputation some family and coupled friends believe they already have. For others, it’s an annoyance that has gone on too long.
Being single shouldn’t be looked down upon but surprisingly a woman that is still single into her thirties or older is looked at as not being able to ‘catch’ a man and settle down. If you are in your twenties, you likely don’t hear as many questions about being married or settling down as you may if you are older. That doesn’t mean it does not happen but women who choose career before families are under pressure to settle down once they are secure in their jobs - a curse of constantly moving to the next level.
So how do you deal with the barrage of questions that you may receive from family and friends in social gatherings and situations? Rather than settling into a long and uncomfortable conversation about why you are currently single or what happened to the last boyfriend, there are options for answering nosey questions about your love life.
Be Funny
Humour has rescued many people from uncomfortable situations. When asked, “Are you seeing anyone special,” you can reply, “No. I’m actually looking for someone not special.” Sometimes the snark and humour inflected into your answer can be just enough to let the asker know that you appreciate the thought but this topic is off limits. Of course not everyone will get what you are trying to say; when that happens it’s just as bad as explaining the punch line to a joke. There’s no funny in that.
Find a New Topic
Rather than focussing on yourself when faced with questions about your last breakup, turn the conversation back onto the person inquiring. Depending on the person doing the asking (maybe you’ve dodged them all evening but finally got cornered), you can choose to be nice and ask them about something they are proud of, or maybe you have a little bit of gossip to turn on them in order to take the pressure off of you. Beware though - before you deflect, make sure you can keep the attention off of yourself and turn it onto them. Finding a way to compliment them will most likely keep them talking longer.
Honesty with Firm Limits
Perhaps the topic of children is off limits for you. The thought of getting married and making anyone a grandma or an aunt is clearly not in your near future. If that’s the case, don’t be shy about letting them know. State simply that you aren’t going to discuss that with them and leave it alone. If they continue to push the topic, let them know again, that talking about marriage or children is not something you are willing to do. Let your body speak for you as well, take a stance that signals you are closed off and not receptive to talking. If you feel comfortable and want to discuss those things, offer a time that you think would be better.
Answer with a Question
Most likely your immediate family already knows your status and that you are living as a single person. Distant family however, may not realise that their constant inquiries make you uncomfortable. Instead of answering them directly when they ask questions regarding not dating anyone or being single still, respond with a question to them such as why they are asking or if they know something you don’t. This may send the message to them that no matter the question, you are not about to answer to their satisfaction.
Of course you don’t have to answer anyone who asks a question about your relationship status. You can excuse yourself at the onset of questions or suddenly feel the need for a trip to the bathroom. However sometimes it’s better to let people know that you aren’t there to talk about your private life; you’d much rather have fun and spend quality time with the ones you love rather than hash over why you are flying solo.
Talking about being single to family you rarely see can be similar to dreams of showing up to school nude - uncomfortable! But if you react quickly, you can offset any potential embarrassment for all involved. Decide ahead of time how you are going to approach the questions and stick to it, don’t give anyone cause to speculate. Be clear in your answer and move on.
Recommended Reading
For more information and advice on being single, take a look at the following books:
The A-Z of Being Single: A Survival Guide
Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent
Being Single and Empowered
Being Single in a Couple’s World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love
Why Women Shouldn’t Marry: Being Single by Choice
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