Many women have made the statement over the years, ‘You don’t need a man to make you happy!’ These words are true, but in a world where ‘couplehood’ is celebrated it’s hard to feel good about being single. Keeping up a smile when friends are marrying can be difficult. If there’s ever been a time to love being single, it’s now. More women are choosing to say no to marriage and carve out their own place in the world without a mate.
You can love being single as long as have a strong mind and the will to ignore the things and emotions that can make you feel negative about being a single woman. Your happiness is a state of mind that you alone can control. Read on to discover how to look at single life positively and change your outlook.
Revel in the “Me”
That’s right, indulge in your time. Don’t look at the word ‘alone’ as a negative. If you have married friends with children, listen to how they talk and how much ‘alone’ time they get. Odds are you’ll hear your Mum friends do a bit of complaining that they don’t have time to enjoy things like they used to. Even though they love their families, they will probably confess to how lucky you are – that you have the freedom to come and go as you please and do the things you enjoy. Don’t disagree with them!
It’s true you have time to spend on your hobbies and interests that others may not. There is certainly no shame in it. Rather than looking at partnered friends with envy, be pleased that you don’t have to give up a portion of your time to meet the needs of others.
Redefine Single
Whether you bounce from guy to guy, searching for the right one or you keep to yourself hoping that Mr. Right will make his way into your life, the way you view being single has quite a bit to do with how much you’re happy about it. Yes, it’s cliché to say, ‘When life hands you lemons, make lemonade’, but in making lemonade you’ll never be thirsty. Being single is like those lemons. You can choose to do what you want with it and make something good from it.
Maybe an ex lover taught you about photography or turned you on to exotic foods. Just because he’s gone it doesn’t mean those interests should be as well. Rediscover the things you enjoyed doing before a relationship or take the time to develop new interests that past loves have introduced you to. By doing so, you open the doors to meeting new and interesting people. You can form new friendships, meet new loves, and from those experiences, you’ll never be lonely.
Change Your Expectations
When you looked at your life early on, you probably didn’t expect to still be single. Maybe you were in a relationship that you thought was ‘the one’. Perhaps you’ve always been looking for ‘the one’. Whatever you were looking at for your future, stop looking.
Many women grow up with one set of ideals that are handed down from the women and even the men in their families. They have a set picture of what life is supposed to be like. It’s taught to them from an early age. On the other hand, depending on the era you were growing up in, you probably discovered that what your parents and elders were teaching wasn’t exactly what was going on in your generation.
It’s a struggle to bounce back and forth of what is expected of you based on what you’ve been taught and what you think is expected based on what your generation has experienced. Finding the balance between the two and changing the expectations of the two worlds is the only way to find peace with being single and accepting it. You’ve learned by now through friends, family and your own life that things rarely happen the way they are supposed to; love is one of those things. Constantly forcing the expectations won’t make it come any faster, easier or better.
Share Less with the World
Heading home for family gatherings can probably bring on anxiety attacks, feelings of dread and inner fights with yourself on whether or not you really want to go. You can practically play the dinner scene out in your head now: enquiries about your love life, when will you settle down, who’s your latest love interest? All of the rapid fire questions over a tasty meal can leave your stomach upset and lead to a loss of appetite.
Why share? There’s no rule that says you have to tell your great aunt that you’ve just been through your fourth break up this year. Mum doesn’t need to know that your best relationship was the one night tryst two months ago. Sometimes it’s better to share less about yourself.
Rather than feel guilty that you aren’t living up to their plans of procreation and matrimonial bliss, focus on what’s making you happy. Your happiness is not their happiness. Smile through the questions, dish as little as possible, dodge a few questions and ask about that ulcer Uncle Ray has - get the focus off your love life and be forever pleasant throughout.
Overall, if you can look through the negativity you may feel about being single and love that you have a full life that keeps you busy and surrounded by like-minded people, you’ll soon discover there isn’t anything not to love about your single life; rather, more people will wish they had your life. Isn’t that something to love?
Recommended Reading
For more information and advice on being single, take a look at the following books:
Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent
Happily Single: (Before Happily Married!)
Being Single in a Couple’s World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love
Why Women Shouldn’t Marry: Being Single by Choice
The A-Z of Being Single: A Survival Guide
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