Spicing up bedroom activities can be difficult. You get into a way of doing things and just like cleaning out the closets, sex can become boring and tedious. Many couples wonder how they can add spice to their sexual relationship. As women have gained more sexual independence and freedom, they are becoming more open to exploring the options of bringing sex toys and props into the bedroom to either add some fun or to experiment with their partner.
Bringing toys into the bedroom is nothing new, but before you break out the handcuffs and vibrators, you need to openly discuss bringing toys into the bedroom with your partner. You must also think about what kinds of toys you’d like to introduce as well as create some rules for play; it’s important to feel safe and secure. Toys in the bedroom can be a very sensitive subject for couples to discuss but it’s even more important to know that each person feels comfortable with the arrangement.
Honest Communication Starts Now
You can’t start a conversation about sex toys any old time. You should choose a time when you are both comfortable and relaxed. Since discussing sex toys can be difficult, you can ask your partner an open ended question about how he feels about them. Let him know what you’re thinking. Bear in mind though, that men can feel threatened by the thought of a battery operated pleasure toy taking their place. It’s your job to assure him that this isn’t to be taken as a threat to his manhood and his ability to bring you pleasure. More or less it’s an addition to the pleasure you bring to each other.
Explain your reasons for adding toys to your sexual relationship. Whether it’s trying something new, you heard about some fun things to try from a girlfriend, or even if you’ve been using them for self pleasure and you want to bring him into the mix, he needs to know your reasons and that his ability to bring you pleasure still stand at the top.
Adult Toy Shopping
When it comes to sex toys, there is definitely no shortage of options to choose from. If you’ve never used sex toys before, you may want to begin slow and shop together. You can introduce a variety of items one at a time so that both of you have a chance to become comfortable before introducing a new item into your toy box.
Massage oils and creams can be used to help you get in the mood. While they may not seem like sex toys, massage oils are considered a must in every girl’s collection of sex toys and paraphernalia. For someone who is new to the sex toy world, starting slow with scented massage oil can bring out the more sensual side of your guy.
If you’re ready to move up to the electronics section of the adult toys, you can choose from a variety of vibrators. Vibrators are a popular option because your partner can pleasure you with them or you can try solo while he watches.
Gels and lotions that are edible or heat up with touch are also widely popular. These are great primers for other toys as you can use gels and lotions by themselves or with other items. Many gels are lotions are for lubrication purposes but come in fun scents and can be flavoured.
Sex dice are fun for couples because you really do play with them. Each die will have sets of words on them. One die will have sex actions on them such as kiss, lick, suck, touch, etc, while the other die will have body parts listed; hand, toe, and so on. On each roll of the dice, an act and body part is paired up; the person who rolls the dice must do what the dice say to the other player. The game is fun and a great alternative to more traditional foreplay.
There are other, more kinky toys on the market such as paddles, whips and handcuffs. Each has its place in a sex toy collection but only if you and your partner agree. Adult movies are often staples in many bedrooms. They provide visual stimulation and can often prompt interesting discussions and intimacy between partners.
As fun as sex toys can be when added to your sexual play, it’s important to remember that each of you must feel that it is a good addition. Clear boundaries must be set as to what each of you are willing to try and how far you feel comfortable in going. Trust is crucial in your relationship as sex can make you feel empowered and extremely vulnerable to your partner. Without rules, trust and an open line of communication, sex toys will bring no pleasure to either of you.
Recommended Reading
For more information and advice on sex toys, take a look at the following books:
The Big Book of Sex Toys: Make Your Sex Life Amazing
Toygasms! The Insider’s Guide to Sex Toys and Techniques
Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide
Make Your Own Sex Toys: 50 Quick and Easy Do-It-Yourself Projects
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By Kathy on 15 Feb 2010
I completely agree! Adding toys can enhance a sexual relationship, but like anything you add to a relationship ensuring both people are comfortable is very important! The idea is often to enhance, not replace, and sometimes your partner may not feel comfortable or even insecure. Admitting you may need help in a sexual relationship takes courage and in some cases swallowing pride.