When you first get married, your sex life is one of the biggest parts of your relationship. You have the time, motivation and desire to make sure that you and your husband are both sexually fulfilled and the entire house is like your playground.
Then one day, the time comes when you have to pay the piper. All of your breeding practice has resulted in a pregnancy. While this is one of the most joyous and exciting times of your life, there will be big changes to your life as well. In particular, there will be drastic changes to your sex life.
The Challenges of Children
There are several different ways that your new baby, and even older children, can get in the way of your formerly active sex life. While there is no ill-will intended on their part, dealing with these problems can be quite frustrating, leaving you feeling as if you will never have a passionate moment with your spouse again. Here are just a handful of the things that you might have to deal with when fighting to have some physical contact with your husband.
Sleepless Nights - Many parents, particularly those with infants, often get far less sleep than they need. Even when an opportunity for some quiet time alone arises, usually the need for sleep takes priority. It can be very difficult to maintain a desire for sex when you are surviving off only a few hours of sleep.
Busy Days - No matter what the age of your children, your days will suddenly be twice as busy as they ever have been. With so much to do in a day, by the time your duties have been completed, you may not have enough energy left for an active sex life.
Distraction - Whether the new baby sleeps in your room or in their own room, there is always a worry that they will wake up, just as things are starting to get steamy. These concerns alone can be enough to put a damper on your mood and spoil your time together.
Family Bed - In some homes, parents keep an open door, open bed policy, allowing their children to sleep with them, if they please. While this can be helpful when it comes to getting a full night’s sleep, it can be murder on your sex life. It is very difficult to get intimate when there could be a child crawling into bed with you at any moment.
Tips for Sneaking in Sex
Keeping the spark in your marriage alive is very important, so finding ways to work around the sexual obstacles you are facing is crucial to your relationship. Though you may not always be in the mood, there are a few ways to take advantage of your sexual desires when they do strike. While things might not be as spontaneous as they once were, you can still find time for each other and sneak in a little intimacy, even around the kids.
Set a Date Night - Having a specific night that is reserved for the two of you can help you to reconnect and spark things up in the bedroom. Although on the average day, finding time to connect with each other can be tough; a few hours alone will set the mood and fan the flames.
Send the Kids to Grandma’s - With the house to yourselves for the night, there is no excuse why there shouldn’t be a little action in the bedroom. Sending the kids for an overnight visit to the grandparents or another trusted relative or friend will give you plenty of time to catch up on sleep and have a bit of intimacy, as well.
Lock the Door - When you have older kids in the house, you can simply lock the door on evenings that you just want to be alone. Explain to them that you and daddy need private time and that they can knock if they need you. Put them to bed in their own rooms and let the fun begin.
Take Advantage of Naptime - There is no rule that says sex must take place at night. If you and your husband are both home, there is no reason not to take advantage of the baby’s afternoon nap to sneak in some intimate time together.
Support Each Other - If your biggest issue is being tired and overextended at the end of the day, be sure that the household tasks are being equally distributed. If you meet resistance from your spouse, drop the hint that there will be more sex in the deal for him. Sweetening the pot this way usually brings positive results.
Though it may be years before you have the same sexual freedoms as you had before children, your sex life certainly does not have to end when you become a parent. Just be creative and seize opportunities when they arise and you will both find sexual fulfilment, even with children in the home.
Recommended Reading
For more information and advice on sex after children, take a look at the following books:
The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives
The New Mom’s Survival Guide: How to Reclaim Your Sex Life After Having a Baby
The New Mum’s Guide to Sex: Rediscover Passion After Childbirth
I’d Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper: Loving Your Marriage after the Baby Carriage
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
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