One of the most frightening times as a parent is the day your child starts dating. Granted, many children have a boyfriend or girlfriend from the time they are in preschool, but there is that point where those playground romances start to develop into the teen-dating scene. While we certainly cannot stop our children from growing up, we can make some of the decisions as to how their dating life plays out, at least for a little while. If your child thinks he or she is ready to start going on dates, here are some things to think about before granting your permission for them to start these types of relationships.
Maturity Levels
There is no age at which a teen is ready to date carved in stone. Before dating, your child should be mature enough and responsible enough to consider his or her actions before going through with something. You certainly cannot be there to hold your child’s hand throughout each date and make their decisions for them, but if you feel that they have proven themselves responsible in other ways, they are likely mature enough to date.
Talking About Safety
There are so many things that could possibly go wrong on a date, regardless of whether you have a boy or a girl. Start talking to them, as young as possible, on some of the topics that may face them when they begin dating. Certainly one of the more touchy subjects is sex. Many parents have a difficult time discussing sex with their children, but it is an absolute necessity. Be sure that they are educated on the merits of abstinence, but also make sure that they know the dangers of unprotected sex, and how to go about protecting themselves. Teach them to respect their bodies and also respect the wishes of their date, when it comes to sex and peer pressure. Also, be sure they know that if something happens against their will, they should talk to a trusted adult about the situation.
Setting Rules And Boundaries
When it comes time to set your dating rules, brace yourself for an onslaught of just how much more lax every other parent in the world is and remind yourself that it is, for the most part, an exaggeration. Make it clear that the rules are there for a reason and if they are not followed, dating privileges will be removed. Here are a few ground rules and tips that you can alter to suit your teen and your own parenting style.
As parents, you must meet your teen’s dates before they ever go out in a social setting. This rule is usually more lax for boys, but is certainly applicable for either sex. First impressions usually tell some harsh truths about your teen’s choices in dates. Try not to forbid them dating people based on appearance or even reputation. They will likely sneak behind your back and do it anyway, so it is better to at least know what is going on.
Curfew must be kept. While there are exceptions to every rule and things do happen on occasion, there will not be an accident with two-hour traffic queues on the motorway every single Saturday night for a month. If they are going to be late, they should call and give an estimate of when they will be home.
In the beginning, you may want a younger teen or one that is less mature for their age to only date in a group setting. Reserve solo dates and car dating for the later years of school.
If your teen gets caught in an act of inappropriate behaviour on a date, talk it out before deciding on a punishment. Sometimes a harsh punishment for something somewhat innocent can result in a nasty rebellion.
Letting Go as a Parent
While our children will always be our babies, they will not be children forever. As teens, they are beginning to test their wings as adults and need to have a balance of boundaries and freedoms to grow and develop. As hard as it seems, stepping back and letting them make a few mistakes is just as important as protecting them. In a perfect world, worrying about our children on dates would not be necessary, but this world is far from perfect. The best we can do, as parents, is to set the necessary boundaries and give them the information they need to make the right choices; the rest is up to them.
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By Me on 18 Jan 2009
How old were your daughters starting to date?