Long before we were parents, every one of us watched an innocent mother attempt to reign in a toddler having a serious meltdown in a grocery store, restaurant or other public place.
We all shook our heads in disgust, saying how we would never allow our own children to act that way in public and they certainly wouldn’t get the item or reward that they were throwing a holy fit over. Then, one day, we became parents and we were faced with our first public tantrum. All our promises of perfectly behaved children went right out the window and we handed our precious gems whatever they wanted just for the sake of shutting them up.
Suddenly, the idea that people would allow their children to disrupt the peace and quiet of the world and then reward them for their behaviour didn’t seem like such a terrible thing. The very thing that had us shocked and appalled not so long ago now makes perfect sense. Realistically, we know that giving into temper tantrums is not the best way to handle the situation, but what else is there to do? You know your child and their reactions best, but here are some techniques that might inspire you to find a way to deal a little better with your toddler’s tantrums.
Teach Toddlers How to Deal with Their Feelings
This step needs to take place long before a tantrum begins. Once the crying, screaming or kicking begins, reasoning with a toddler is nearly impossible. There is a time and a place to begin educating your child on how to control their emotions and reactions, but that place is not when they are lying on the floor of the grocery store, screaming for sweets like they haven’t been fed in a year.
Remember that toddlers are just learning about their emotions and aren’t quite sure what are appropriate and inappropriate reactions. Start at home, dealing with meltdowns calmly, and helping your child to redirect their frustration in another way. If they are not giving up the fight, then just ignore their reactions, letting them know that once they calm down, you will talk with them about what they want. Do not overreact to tantrums or give in to the screaming fits, it may quiet them for a moment, but will teach them that this tactic works to get their way. Instead, wait until they are calmer and explain to them why their reactions are not appropriate and that throwing a tantrum will not change your mind. Be firm, but do not punish them.
Prevent Toddler Tantrums Before They Begin
Preventing tantrums does not mean giving your child everything they want before they can throw a tantrum to get it. It simply means that you should eliminate the factors that can contribute to frustration and the resulting meltdown. Make sure that before you go out, your toddler is well rested and not hungry, as these are two of the biggest culprits in the foul moods that can lead to a tantrum. Taking a tired and hungry two-year-old into a toy store and then denying them a purchase is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. While sometimes trips out during grouchier moments can’t be avoided, making sure you have everyone’s mood in check before leaving is the best way to go.
If you see that a storm is brewing, try to distract your child before things escalate. Sometimes just changing the subject is enough to ward off a tantrum. If things are too far gone, remove them from the situation if possible, until they settle themselves down. The important thing is to allow them the time and space needed to regain control of their emotions.
Keeping The Peace In Public
When the inevitable has happened and your toddler is throwing a screaming fit in the floor of your favourite restaurant, what is the proper etiquette? While the best way to deal with a tantrum is to ignore it and wait it out, this certainly isn’t a pleasant technique to use in a public place. Whatever you do, don’t fall into the embarrassment trap and give in to the fit. This will only result in repeat performances, which you certainly do not want.
The best thing to do is to leave the area, if there are people that might be disturbed. Pick your child up and walk out. Go for a walk, sit in the car, or just go home and let them see that they are not changing the situation. Explain to them exactly why they have been taken out. Once they calm down, tell them what is expected of them. This certainly isn’t a magic formula to get kids to behave, but it can point things in the right direction for better behaviour as they grow older.
Recommended Reading
For more information and advice on dealing with toddler tantrums, take a look at the following books:
How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One-to-Four-Year-Old
The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Tantrums
I Brake for Meltdowns: How to Handle the Most Exasperating Behavior of Your 2- to 5-year-old
The Everything Toddler Book: From Controlling Tantrums to Potty Training
Tears and Tantrums: What to Do When Babies and Children Cry
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