Let’s face the facts, we live in a goal-oriented, results-hungry society where achievement is measured—and that includes female orgasm. The truth is that it’s sometimes easy for a female to climax and other times it’s just not. Another truth is that on occasion women don’t worry about whether they orgasm and faking it is no big deal. Men, on the other hand, would generally freak if they discovered that their women were faking the Big O more times than not.
How important is the orgasm?
Women are intuitive enough to know that sometimes their orgasms are more important to their men than to them. For some men, bringing a woman to orgasm is an affirmation to the man of his performance, her love for him—and for some men bringing a woman to orgasm gives the man an ego boost and a sense of pride.
Whether you admit it to others, be honest with yourself. Have you or have you not faked an orgasm? The majority of you will answer ‘yes’. So, why is it that women fake orgasms?
Article continues below...
Orgasm isn’t always the goal
It may sound crazy to men, but for some women having sex has nothing to do with seeking an orgasm, it’s about intimacy and feeling a connection with a partner. A woman who enjoys sexual intimacy but who is not very orgasmic will often fake one as an expression of love to their partner. You could say it’s more of an emotional orgasm than a physical orgasm.
Can’t reach orgasm
Women who have never had an orgasm often don’t want their partners to have this knowledge, so when they get tired and want sex to end, they’ll fake an orgasm. Women in this scenario often feel that they would be rejected or their partner would think them abnormal or less sexy if they knew they had never had an orgasm.
Loss of interest
Women who are not feeling aroused or in the mood because they are mentally or physically drained will often have sexual intercourse with their men because the man wants/needs sex. Yet, nothing the man does arouses the woman to climax. This isn’t due to any kind of health problem or lack of skill on the man’s part, the magic is just gone—at least for that moment. Rather than hurt the feelings of the man and make him feel bad, a woman will fake an orgasm.
Some women can’t have orgasms because of health problems. While orgasms may be achieved with masturbation, sexual intercourse is uncomfortable or painful. A fluctuation in hormones also has a lot to do with whether a woman gets aroused. In these scenarios some women just fake it until they can make it.
Why women don’t tell men
Some of the reasons why women state that they don’t tell their partners they didn’t reach orgasm is because their partners would get their feelings hurt and think that they were useless in the sack. They said their men would develop self esteem issues.
Other women say that if their partners knew they faked orgasms that their partners’ one goal in life would be to go above and beyond to have them reach one each and every time they were intimate. This, in turn, would add more pressure and sex would become unnatural and filled with scrutiny—rather than being relaxing and enjoyable.
Some women think their partners have been programmed by porn. They think that men have an unhealthy expectation of the female orgasm and how women should act before, during and after sex. These women feel that if their men discovered they faked it on occasion, they would no longer find them sexually attractive. So, in essence, they are faking it out of fear of rejection.
What do you think?
Have women been programmed to fake orgasms? Have men been programmed to expect their women to orgasm each time they are intimate. The answer to both of these questions may be ‘yes’ and it appears this mentality has been the norm for at least 2000 years. The Roman poet Publius Ovidius Naso, who lived from 43 BC to 17 AD, wrote of seduction and love, and while he was a man, he felt the woman should fake an orgasm for her man’s sake. He wrote in his book Ars Amatoria:
So, then, my dear ones, feel the pleasure in the very marrow of your bones; share it fairly with your lover, say pleasant, naughty things the while. And if Nature has withheld from you the sensation of pleasure, then teach your lips to lie and say you feel it all. Unhappy is the woman who feels no answering thrill. But, if you have to pretend, don’t betray yourself by over-acting. Let your movements and your eyes combine to deceive us and gasping, panting, complete the illusion.
Most women don’t feel that faking an orgasm is a form of dishonesty. As long as they are content with their sex lives and fake it on occasion, they see no harm in what they are doing. They feel that it’s better for the relationship to just keep the secret a secret.
What do you think? Do you think men expect women to orgasm each and every time? Do you think it is a form of dishonesty? Let us know in the comments section below.
Recommended reading about the female orgasm
For more information and advice about female orgasms, take a look at the following books:
Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun)
The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman’s Guide to Why She Can’t and How She Can Orgasm