20 Year Friendship Lost

This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 4 months, 1 week ago.

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    I’ve had the same best friend for 20 years.  We have fussed and aruged like sisters and I have forgiven her for some pretty bad stuff.  Seven years ago, I was living with my (at the time) boyfriend.  She lived in another town about 35 miles away with her husband and two kids.  She always wanted me to come and see her but money was tight and frankly I didn’t want to be at her house 24/7; I was trying to live my own life.  She didn’t ever come to hang out with me, I was expected to always go to her.  Well, eventually, I guess she grew tired of me not coming over.

    A few days after we got into this huge fight about it, I got a call from CPS.  They’d gotten an anonymous call that I had my children living in an unstable environment.  I confronted her about it and she swore on the lives of her children that she didn’t do it and even offered to come over and help me make sure the house was clean, etc.  Fast forward three years later.  Her husband (who was soon to be her ex) told me she was the one who had called.  Only then did she admit to me she did because she was trying to get me to move out of that house and leave my boyfriend.

    I forgave her and gave her another chance because I thought ‘we were young, people grow up.  If I did, she can too’.  I’ve been engaged and with the same man for almost six years.  I’m 31 years old now.  We fuss and fight and have had some arguments.  I have vented to her about it.  (That was my first mistake).  She hates my fiance’ and was always telling me to leave him.

    We recently had a huge argument and she was LIVID that I would not leave.  Told me I was ‘stupid as hell’ for not leaving, that if we stayed friends I was not allowed to discuss him with her, among other things.  My fiance’ and I are working through our differences.  This past Monday, he received a message from a fake facebook account claiming that I had cheated on him.  Not 15 minutes after he called me about it, I received a text from her asking if I was okay and telling me she was there if I needed her.

    I couldn’t believe it.  I never confronted her because what was the point?  I did however change my phone number, let her know I was cutting off contact with the world for awhile, and delete my facebook and messenger apps from my phone.  I hate it because we were so close, but I just cannot have that kind of childish behavior in my life.  Do you all think I did the right thing?


    Absolutely, this “friend?” is mentally unstable and toxic for publishing these outlandish falsehoods about you. you are much better off separated from her environment. it is easy to understand why her husband as well as you are distancing from her. friends help each other not backstab them.

    I am sure you can establish much better relationships with other by dumping her impact on your life

    3 users liked this post:

    rabbithabit is absolutely right: this “friend” is toxic and you’re well rid. You’d be better off finding real friends that don’t cause such trouble. Again, you’re well rid. She maybe was a friend once, but she changed for the worst.

    You’ll make other friends: friends who won’t backstab you. The friend you had in her is gone and moving on is best.

    2 users liked this post:

    I agree totally!


    Sad but I totally agree with the other ladies such a toxic and obviously unstable person is better off out of your life.

    It does sound as if she has issues regarding her relationship with you, she wants you to be single so that your nearest point of comfort and support is her and she will stop at nothing to make sure that happens..

    Thats abuse.. Many abusers alienate family and friends so that their victim has nobody but them and it seems your former firend was following a similar patteren so its good that you have seen through her and cut her loose.

    1 member liked this post:

    Thank you all for being so encouraging.  It has been hard.  I know I shouldn’t feel guilty but I do.  And talking to her was a habit also.  I’m slowly adjusting.  I know I’m better off without her negativity, however, part of me worries that she’s going to try to do something to ruin the positive things I have going in my life because I won’t talk to her.  I have spent every day on edge since we stopped talking.


    I’m late coming in, but I agree with all the others.  The loss of long-term friends is never easy.  You will go through a mourning period, but you will come out of it with a better outlook.

    1 member liked this post:

    I absolutely agree with TestDummyC: you will get through this. The mourning period is hard, but you will grow stronger and feel relief that she’s out of your life. You’re on edge now, but won’t be forever. She will realize you’re out of her life, too and you will both be able to move on. Still, I can understand where you’re coming from.

    I am also glad to offer advice: I hope it helped.


    Thanks all.  When I stopped responding to her messages, she then began barraging my fiance with messages.  We finally blocked her.  It has been awful.


    Being rejected obviously hurt. However, you were right to block her: she sounds toxic. Although I don’t mean to sound cruel. Stopping  responding to her messages did hurt her, but she only has herself to blame. She caused you trouble and has to accept the friendship is over. You are NOT in the wrong. I stand by my previous post, too.

    It’ll be hard for a while, but you’re not to blame and you did do the right thing. Hold on in there and she’ll stop with the messages.

    1 member liked this post:


    Thanks for your kind words.  She actually ended up trying to sell her story to my fiance’s best friend when no one would respond to her.  It is crazy that she’s gone to such lengths to try and ‘ruin’ me because I wouldn’t bend to her will.  I have friends who have confided in me that I have gotten upset with and no longer speak to but I would never make up something or use something they told me to ‘ruin’ them.  That kind of thing just seems so immature to me.

    I should have never spoken to her after the phone call to CPS but I did and that bit me in the butt.  Hopefully it all stops and she just moves on.  That would be really nice.


    In case hoping doesn’t work, then definitely – not “report” her – but speak to appropriate people who can stop her. Because if she is harrassing you, then you need the authrorities. It is not something you should ever hope to stop. It is something that you must stop. I know I sound like a teacher, but that is what I think. And – again – you’re not to blame. She is toxic, as we realize. You definitely never need put up with feeling scared and threatened. As you obviously realize, she is trouble. If things do get worse, on here, we will do the best to advise you on what action to take. Because you’re not alone and we will support you,  as I’m sure everyone on here will agree.

    I am sorry you’re going through this, but you’ve got advice from us and things will get better.


    How are things now, psychmommy19?

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