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Are You Able To Keep A Man As A Friend?

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  • #220760

    Rather than as a boyfriend? I am able to maintain friendships with blokes without getting physically involved with them. I don’t know why but I am able to talk with men without referring to sex or seeing them as some kind of alien. A lot of women do find it difficult to talk to men and see them – again – as aliens they have nothing in common with.

    I may be able to chat to men normally because I grew up with my brother and his best friend Jack. I also have always been close to my dad. Men are from planet earth as far as I’m concerned: not Mars* as the dating books reads. I just feel comfortable and secure around men and just treat them as a female friend. It is like my close friend Nick and I just talk and keep it light. There is never any pressure from him. Plus, if he found a girlfriend I’d be delighted for him.

    Over to you!

    *Men are from Mars, Women Are From Venus book.

    #220772

    People are people, I will talk to anyone gender race colour sexuality Im not bothered .If they are nice and have somethign interesting to say Im happy to chat.

    #220780

    For me, we’ll see! I had a friend who didn’t feel free to date much because he was unable to get a divorce – his ex was stalling, even after years of separation. He died in August, but I would call that one a successful friendship even though I would have been happy with more, had we both been available…

    Now I have a male friend who texts and we’ve had a couple phone calls, too. He hasn’t been separated for a year yet, but seems to be doing fairly well with the process of moving on. Meanwhile I’m still waiting for my divorce to be processed – paperwork filed last summer… (I’ve got to check up on that now that there’s no more legal aid lawyer. I may be able to move things faster on my own!)

    I am comfortable chatting with men, but get the impression most of them want more than friendship and stay focused on that, so it gets in the way of being friends. Maybe I’ve just been meeting the wrong men! 😉

    #220809

    I tend to chat to anyone who is friendly and chatty on my travels. I have found that men, particularly online, can be interested in more than friendship though. Another thing that happens is that single men can distance themselves when they start a new romantic relationship. Obviously more than one woman in a man’s life makes it difficult, particularly when their new romance gets jealous.

    #220827

    A lot of straight men do tend to see romance in their views when talking to a woman. There are men who won’t settle for friendship. Then there is the problem of a friendly man with a jealous girlfriend, who assumes her boyfriend to be romantically interested in you. When – in fact – you’re only wanting friendship. There can be a lot of crossed wires when it comes to that. BUT it is possible for a man and woman to simply stay friends. But it IS contingent on the lack of a jealous girlfriend and the man not wanting more.

    Relationships – let’s face it – are complicated. Nothing is simple or black and white. I have male friends and they’ve never gotten more than that from me. And there is nothing they can do. There are people, too, who don’t believe in platonic friendships. But I do. Sex can complicate things and lead to people never talking again. Friendship is number 1 priority to me: not sex.

    #220871

    Evening,

    I quess for myself its about having things incommon and i do have a large range to talk about a few men are my dance partner,s and women as well we go to many dance evenings  allmost all the time is with my dance partner  Pam we travel around the south island a lot and will be going and looking at a few place,s north of us in Nelson and Blenheim 200 miles north and spend time away we sleep in the waggon so can cut cost,s or camp,s at 20 $ a night ,

    Men,

    i dont have a boy friend , so,  the interests i have involve a hands on as i,m a machinest in both timber = wood and steel i have my own gear 4 big heavy duty Lathe,s plus more so i am well placed to do what i need to  , now not many men can talk our langauge about what we can do nore many women have had a few who can so for me thats great and some come from workshops as i have  so i am limited who i talk about …our… stuff,  dancing talk with guys is good a common interest,

    At car show,s is another and more the point of the running gear though a few women are more interested now  not like 40 years ago  trucks  tractors and farm machinery  yes i know for most women in so boring yet many men have no clue, and like buildings i can design and build and complete,  i will say i had my daughter work for me on a few jobs,

    Now to change subject matter  sewing cooking for very large group,s and having 15 people work for me is good this of cause is more for women and few men  still a few do,

    I most times do not   have an issue talking to other,s and i try to find out what their interests are and have things of interest to talk about, allso there are things i,m not interested in so i keep quiet and thats when sometimes i am asked your quiet …. well yes this is not my field of knowledge.

    I did find some men did not like having to have a woman incharge of them and tell them what to do,that became an issue and i soon found that out ,well they found out i was the Boss and did know what i was about so is ether you work for me or leave, some jobs we do are contract and paid  so your on my pay roll other,s we do for nothing  those who work for me are good and happy working for me .

    Any way , i have learned a lot  do have many lovely friends and other,s are really close to me so we do have a lovely bond with each other,

    I have had Army guys work for me and the CO. picked 4 men for me so yes i do have the expreance and i was  in the Millitary,

    To answer  the ? lol,sssss ……..oh dear me.

    Answer is …NO…men are not interested in me i have brought this up before, what it takes is my issue , as a dance partner thats about just on those times for dancing  .

    Would a friend be interested in more than that  what i find is men wont more much more,  a one night stand or just a sexual relastionship. one point is men dont see me worth the time to go down that road so really i dont need to worry about it  men have never asked me out and never will so i know to have a male as a friend wont happen  , only as i have brought up , or friends from school going back 60 odd year,s and very few, any way , thats how i see it,

    …noeleena…

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by noeleena.
    #221048

    I enjoyed reading your post, noeleena. You’ve lived a good life: and will always do so.

    I have never done dancehall dancing with men. In fact, it is now on my bucket list! Couples dancing together in a dancehall is very romantic. I do know I love music and have been told I am good at dancing.

    Anyhow, you’ve written a wonderful post, noeleena. I look forward to reading more of them!

    #221145

    Evening ,

    Thank you  KitKatKitty.

    I quess  I have never seen the dance hall or any i attend   as romantic, i spend my time learning the many different dance,s ,  we have 5000 on our list  if i get 100 right with out mistakes i,ll be doing very well, most of the time i dance with Pam and we have contact with one guy in Auckland and hopefully he will be coming down to see us in Timaru  = NZ ,  as to dancing with him i,m not sure  yet,  still thats okay and may get the chance to go up there and have a look at thier dance hall,s  so Collin can show us around  , just have to wait and see how every thing goes,

    Sorry about the change in style of writing  not sure what happened there.

    For our group tomorrow night  being Monday  it is the last dance for this year  so will give me time out for a while so i can get things at home done ,

    I quess your right about the romantic  side of dancing and old time will have an air about it  just thinking what i have seen from years ago and the clothe.s worn  more so for us  think i would feel out of it i would see it as like a competition the Ballroom style , I would struggle i,m not that good  i would not be able to fluff my way around the hall dancing . with our group,s and most i know  150 people ,  they know what i,m like and i get away with it and i tell them ,

    At one dance we were being shown some ballroom dance movements it was over my head  and 3 of us were talking …oh dear … we are sure not ready for this ,   the guy teaching us asked us up   3 we looked at each other, and said what…… oh no  ….. no way.

    For myself it is really  a lot of fun and i know getting it right is a long haul i allso know when to just sit a dance out  the guys in our group know the ones i know  so that is good.

    Thank You.

    …noeleena…

     

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by noeleena.
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