Broken and need advice

This topic contains 33 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of KitKatKitty KitKatKitty 5 days, 15 hours ago.

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  • #10251

    I feel so bad right now after finding out i’ve been being lied to for the past 6 months by the guy i had been dating. Things started out good but the past month or so didn’t feel right. He is an otr trucker so he’s gone a lot. We’ve gone out of town a few times, dated, etc. but i started to feel that something wasnt right… I’ve never met his family or friends and i feel we didnt go out or do things as much as we should. I had bought us tickets to a show last month & he said he could go. I gave him advance notice. he cancelled a few days before and said he had to work but turns out he was with another woman & her family. I confronted him and at first he denied even knowing the woman until i told him there were pics on facebook posted on the same day of the show we were supposed to be at. He isn’t on facebook but his brother is so i started browsing his brothers page. I looked at his friends list and saw the womans page and she had several pics of herself with the guy i was dating so it looks like they’ve been together for sometime at least since last year and on our very first date he said he’d been single a year…LIE! I also think he’s engaged to her as i found unfinished wedding registry’s online. I asked about that and he said there was an engagement but not anymore which i feel is still a lie since in her pics there is a ring on her finger but he Said i was jumping to conclusions and its not what i think. Said he was sorry & should’ve told me he was going to her family thing. Made it seem as if she’s just a friend. Said he was beating himself up about this and felt he needed help and to talk to someone. Sorry but i also felt this was bull also and that he was only sorry i caught him. He lied about his whereabouts! But why do i feel so bad as if i was wrong!?? His entire demeanor changed after that. I haven’t heard from him in a month now. I also found out he had an online dating profile and he said he wasn’t on there to meet women and he was just on there playing a game! More lies!! U can use phone apps to play games!! I can see he hasn’t been on that in weeks now either since I confronted him. So i guess shouldn’t feel this way but why do i feel like his fiance is the lucky one? He’s cheated on her and lied to her too. I should not feel Like he’s now going to be this better person for her since he stopped talking to me and hasn’t been online AND changed his number? He called me from a restricted number with this bogus story of how he lost his phone. If thats the case why is it still disconnected. I’m sure if that was true he could have gotten a new phone with the same number!! In the last few weeks i’ve found out his track record with women hasn’t been good, he’s barely in his kids lives. He was married for 11 years once and had 2 kids with different women other than his wife during that time. He seems to be a sociopath the way that he lies and doesn’t seem to care thAt its hurtful. and I should feel lucky to be free with all i’ve found out lately but I feel like its tearing me up!!!! He’s a criminal, liar, and cheater. I found out he’s on probation for stealing a car!!! He never told me that either. He’s also had other run ins with the law and has no respect for Authority. I had feelings for this person and it was a fake person as he wasn’t genuine at all!!! I beat myself up and am depressed. Will the pain end!???

    #63842

    Hi Pinky, Welcome to the forum, looks like you found us just in time.

    I am sorry you dated such a horrible person and it isn’t fair what he did to you. He violated your trust when he was not upfront with you. You have every right to feel all these mixed emotions.

    I would try to walk away from the situation as quickly as you are comfortable with. I think writing it all down here and expressing your frustration is a great first step. What else do you feel you need to do in order to walk away from him, to close this relationship?

    Don’t beat yourself up. We’ve all been in relationships we wish we could erase.

    #63843

    Hi Pinky, Welcome to the forum, looks like you found us just in time.

    I am sorry you dated such a horrible person and it isn’t fair what he did to you. He violated your trust when he was not upfront with you. You have every right to feel all these mixed emotions.

    I would try to walk away from the situation as quickly as you are comfortable with. I think writing it all down here and expressing your frustration is a great first step. What else do you feel you need to do in order to walk away from him, to close this relationship?

    Don’t beat yourself up. We’ve all been in relationships we wish we could erase.

    Thanks for responding! I haven’t heard from him in about 2 and a half months now. He stopped contacting me and i got NO closure from him probably because i discovered the lies so its pretty much closed. The biggest thing right now is all the why’s!! Why did he do this? Why didn’t i get closure? Why this and why that… And i keep feeling this so called fiance that he cheated on must be better than me but that makes no sense either because he Cheated on her!! Right now im just struggling with thoughts and feelings that aren’t helpful and probably not true.

    #63844

    Have you thought about telling his fiancée and confronting her?

    I think that might help you find closure but he may act like you are crazy and he doesn’t even know you which could be hard to take as well…

    I’m sorry it isn’t fair that he did this to you. No one deserves that. Have you tried dating again? Or are you taking a break?

    #63845

    Have you thought about telling his fiancée and confronting her?

    I think that might help you find closure but he may act like you are crazy and he doesn’t even know you which could be hard to take as well…

    I’m sorry it isn’t fair that he did this to you. No one deserves that. Have you tried dating again? Or are you taking a break?

    I don’t have the energy to date. If someone can do something like this on purpose then the thought of dating terrifies me. I did message her on facebook a while ago but i’m not sure she ever got it. Facebook filters messages from people who aren’t on your friends list. I don’t know if this would help me anyway. If she did or does get it she probably won’t believe it and he’s such a good con artist that he’ll lie and she’ll believe it and like you say he’ll say i’m crazy. How would that give me closure?

    #63849

    I can imagine you are really hurting because he lied to you & dragged your self confidence down as well but in all honesty Pinky, ……..Would You Really Want Someone In Your Life That You Could Never Trust ??
    Honestly let it go love, you are worth SO much more you really are, you sound like a loving caring lady & I can promise you, he will do this all of his life because he knows no other way & no matter how wonderful you or any lady is that he is with he will never be happy unless he is cheating.
    Don’t date for a while, take a 6 month or even 12 month break & find something fun to do in that time ( just for you) whether it is playing a sport or gardening or going to taff to learn something all together new JUST FOR YOU …….you owe it to yourself to be the happiest person in your own life so get to it, you can do it xx

    #63852

    Don’t date for a while, take a 6 month or even 12 month break & find something fun to do in that time ( just for you) whether it is playing a sport or gardening or going to taff to learn something all together new JUST FOR YOU …….you owe it to yourself to be the happiest person in your own life so get to it, you can do it xx

    I like Lauren’s advice, I think you do owe it to yourself to be just happy just for you.

    #63853

    I can imagine you are really hurting because he lied to you & dragged your self confidence down as well but in all honesty Pinky, ……..Would You Really Want Someone In Your Life That You Could Never Trust ??
    Honestly let it go love, you are worth SO much more you really are, you sound like a loving caring lady & I can promise you, he will do this all of his life because he knows no other way & no matter how wonderful you or any lady is that he is with he will never be happy unless he is cheating.
    Don’t date for a while, take a 6 month or even 12 month break & find something fun to do in that time ( just for you) whether it is playing a sport or gardening or going to taff to learn something all together new JUST FOR YOU …….you owe it to yourself to be the happiest person in your own life so get to it, you can do it xx

    You’re right! And one of the things i keep telling myself is I could never trust him again and his track record speaks loud and clear… Master manipulator, liar, cheater,etc. this is a 46 year old man and i think thats another thing that was shocking to me. I just thought someone his age would be a little more genuine. i hear some women end up with guys like this for years and i should be so happy i found him out and it was only 6 months. Thank for your advice. I need all the advice i can get.

    #63868

    Honestly honey, as cruel as it sounds it seems to me that you got a lucky escape there. Imagine how hard it would be have been if you were a year, or five or ten down the line when you found this out.

    My advice is literally this: Make a clean break of it. If he’s lying to you then even if he’s tell the truth now it won’t make a difference. The damage is done and the trust is lost. It’s not worth re-hashing it and doubting every decision in the future over it. Make a clean break and leave him behind.

    Also, don’t let this tar your perspective. It’s a relatively small amount of people who are cheats, abusers and liars. For now, just make dating fun. Don’t set out to have a long-term relationship, just meet people and have good dates. Re-build your faith in your judgement before going for something more serious – otherwise you’ll be bringing the insecurity from your last relationship to your next.

    #63876

    Honestly honey, as cruel as it sounds it seems to me that you got a lucky escape there. Imagine how hard it would be have been if you were a year, or five or ten down the line when you found this out.

    My advice is literally this: Make a clean break of it. If he’s lying to you then even if he’s tell the truth now it won’t make a difference. The damage is done and the trust is lost. It’s not worth re-hashing it and doubting every decision in the future over it. Make a clean break and leave him behind.

    Also, don’t let this tar your perspective. It’s a relatively small amount of people who are cheats, abusers and liars. For now, just make dating fun. Don’t set out to have a long-term relationship, just meet people and have good dates. Re-build your faith in your judgement before going for something more serious – otherwise you’ll be bringing the insecurity from your last relationship to your next.

    Thanks you so much for your advice. I really should be thankful i found out everything after 6 months instead of 6 years! I think i’m healing slowly but surely. Still hurts at times because men like this just seem so selfish and evil. I don’t feel like dating right now so I won’t but i am trying to build my social circle. I find that when i’m out around people the hurt isn’t as severe.

    #63879

    If you don’t feel like it, I wouldn’t rush it. You’ll meet someone who makes you want to get back in the game 🙂

    I think that makes new friends is a brilliant idea. It’s always good to have a few more people to rely on. Plus you never know, they could introduce you to someone amazing 😉

    #63887

    Pinky, tell us more about you?

    #63891

    If you don’t feel like it, I wouldn’t rush it. You’ll meet someone who makes you want to get back in the game 🙂

    I think that makes new friends is a brilliant idea. It’s always good to have a few more people to rely on. Plus you never know, they could introduce you to someone amazing 😉

    I agree socializing and making new friends is all i want to do right now or something to lift my spirits. When i think about this guy it really really sickens me!!!! I asked him several times ( day one & throughout the relatiinship things like was he single, was he interested in anyone else, was there anyone else so on and so forth and all i got was LIES! Sorry just venting again… Can’t wrap my mind around the deceit. I could see if i never asked him questions or if he told me the truth from day one but he didn’t. I guess this is what evil is.

    #63904

    I’d be glad you’re well rid. I know it scars having someone lie to you like that but you’re not the only one who’s gone through something like that. It still smarts, though. I’d move on up and realize you may have had a lucky escape.

    #63920

    I’d be glad you’re well rid. I know it scars having someone lie to you like that but you’re not the only one who’s gone through something like that. It still smarts, though. I’d move on up and realize you may have had a lucky escape.

    I agree…dealing with him would be lowering my standards and I don’t want to do that. Sometimes i wish he would drop dead!

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