August 7, 2019 at 5:07 am #202941
I became friends earlier in the year with a woman I work with. We’re both in our mid 20s. Our friendship intensified over a few short months as she was going through a breakup and opened up to me about it. She is normally a fairly reserved person at work, and selective with what co-workers she interacts with, so I was happy when we hit it off. We had a lot in common and started spending time together outside of work. She even celebrated my birthday early with me by making me dinner at her home and a handmade gift. Throughout it all, I was a bit of an on-call support system for her over text and IRL. as she dealt with the break up stuff, and I was happy to be there.
Very abruptly, she cut me off. We went from talking as normal to radio silence overnight. She avoided me at work and after a few days, I messaged to acknowledge what she was going through but asked if I had upset her in some way and she replied to say she “didn’t have the energy for anything”. I told her I’d give her space but was around if she needed me.
I left it alone, until I had to return an item of hers (a special plate) and I deliberately got into work earlier to drop it off at her desk without seeing her so i’d give her space. I put a short thank you note and a very tiny handmade little item on top to let her know I was thinking of her. It backfired, because she had come in early. The conversation was cold and awkward and she made the comment that I didn’t need to return the plate because she “had plenty of others at home” (despite mentioning at the time it was special)
again, I backed off until several weeks later where I asked how she was doing and whether she would like to get dinner and catch up.
she then shot back saying I need to respect her boundaries and she shouldn’t need to justify or explain her silence to me when she’s made it very clear she didn’t want to interact. I was hurt and taken aback but decided to leave it, accepting I crossed a line. Months have passed and in that time, she made several posts on social media thanking her friends (also co-workers) for showing up for her. this prompted me to unfollow her.
i am incredibly hurt and confused and have no idea what happened. My better judgement says just leave it but I also really want to address my hurt feelings. Is there any way I can do this without coming off desperate? This hasn’t happened to me before and I have no idea what to do.August 7, 2019 at 7:17 am #202945
I am sorry to hear this. I can understand why you feel hurt as, in those circumstances, I know I would feel too. I see the spectre of social media here and it does make me wonder.
In my opinion yor better judgement is probably telling you right. You have tried and finally found that she is becoming hostile. Obviously she is upset about something but chasing it, either with her or friends, may well make things worse. I have sometimes found in the past that another friend I have made has been in the position of seeing things from outside the circle and is able to shed light on things but, even then, a happy conclusion is yet another thing.August 7, 2019 at 7:23 am #202947
She has moved on. Maybe she is worried or embarrassed by things she told you and wants to put distance between herself and the person who reminds her of that low point in her life.
Count this as a passing friendship that was nice while it lasted and just move on .
Life is short… Share it with people who make you happy.August 7, 2019 at 8:29 am #202950
I am sorry to hear this happened to you, heavenlywineroses. I don’t have any words of wisdom but you’ve got people around you who do care. I’m afraid you’re going to have to put her agenda to the side and just ignore her when at work. You can’t change her: and shouldn’t change yourself to fit her. She obviously has problems at home and you have to leave it alone.
It is heartbreaking, but there’s nothing you can do.August 7, 2019 at 9:19 am #202962
People are unpredictable, heavenlywineroses. Perhaps, you were the only one who offered her a shoulder when she was all alone, so she took advantage of that–and now that she has the attention of someone else (her ex, maybe?) she doesn’t need it anymore. I’m sorry if it sounds harsh, but some humans are insensitive like that. As the ladies above mentioned, take this as a passing friendship, and think about all the wonderful times you had together; smile because it happened, and add this to your list of lessons. You don’t need her. Remember, the Universe doesn’t take someone away from your life without replacing them with someone better.August 7, 2019 at 11:41 pm #202982
Hi, I feel terribly sorry for you in how your friend has treated you. It may be that someone has told her something that puts you in a bad light to curry favour with this lady ( no doubt lying about you) . I think you have done your best and you may have to let her go sad though that may be.August 10, 2019 at 12:17 pm #203038
Life can throw such situations at us, but you’re not alone: you’ve got friends on here and IRL. Leave her behind and move on.
It isn’t worth being bitter about. You’ve nothing nothing wrong and it isn’t always your fault. Some people are just the way they are: and it is not reflection on you.
You’re not alone.
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