Confused Friend….

Female Forum Forums General Discussion General Chat Confused Friend….

This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  cassandra 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #207224

    Hello all,
    I really need the help of someone unbiased to all parties in the situation so I’m happy to have found this forum:

    I’ve known one of my best friend’s since June! We are apart of a group with two other girls and one of those girls is my wife. I met him on the day I proposed to her and we all just became a really close group after going through the proposal together. He and his girlfriend have been together for 7 years. I met her a few months ago and the whole meeting seemed really off! She constantly talked over me and tried to get his attention any time he and I talked about the movie we were all watching. I told my wife right away that something was not right, but she laughed it off as we had no reason to believe that she could dislike me from a five-second meeting in a dark movie theater.

    Last night he told me that she admitted that she is jealous of me. I found this a little odd since I live in a different state (several states over) than all of them while I go to school so it’s not like we’re ever alone together or she can see us interact. He said that he asked her right away what he could do to ease these insecurities and she couldn’t give him an answer. She couldn’t even tell him <i>why</i> she was jealous of me. He has another female best friend that he has gone out of town with overnight and the girlfriend has no issue with her.

    I just want to know what it is that I can do to ease her fears. I asked him if I should reach out to her and he said he doesn’t want to start a fight which I totally understand. She told him that she doesn’t want us to stop being friends. I feel bad that I made someone feel insecure in their relationship. He is a great guy, has never cheated, is so loving and giving and will give someone the shirt off his back! She has no reason to be insecure after seven years! I’m would just like to know what I can personally change about myself or our friendship to make her feel better.

    Thanks for any insight you can give!

    #207237

    I have always found it difficult to tell who is really thinking what and who has said what in these situations. My approach would be to treat situations calmly and be more of an observer at your next meeting(s). See if you can get a feel for what is wrong without raising any kind of issue about it. Relationships are complex, especially so if more than two people are involved. I could make assumptions but I don’t want to point you down a dead end, as you are in a better place to see. Don’t forget that anyone feeling as she does will likely become quieter and less likely to get involved. This tends to be a downward spiral as her husband may well be getting more attention as a result.  Put yourself in her shoes and look at things from her perspective. How is she seeing things?

     

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    #207247

    She’s the one with the problem, not you.  Unfortunately, I don’t think that you can do anything to change the way she feels.  Maybe, time and circumstance might.  No matter what you do, she will still feel the same.  Some people are just that way.

    I have the same problem when I meet other women.  For some reason, I rub them the wrong way.  They write me off without even getting to know me.  That’s okay.  I’d rather spend time with those who already like me rather than bending over backwards for those with issues.

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    #207254

    I agree with the others , you cant make anyone like you so cut your losses and accept that this person is never going to see you as a BFF.

    Give her space she may feel backed into a corner if you confront her or try to push the issue and when your back is against the wall 99% of the time the only thing to do is come out fighting which would only make things worse.

    Maybe it isnt anything that you are doing.. Maybe her partner is acting differently around you than with other people and she is picking up on that behaviour. I would be very careful about being around him too…

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