Desperate for advice… or a stern telling off!

Female Forum Forums Category Related Discussion Love & Relationships Desperate for advice… or a stern telling off!

This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 2 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #198187

    Hello,

    I am in a relationship, I have been for 3/4 years. It’s hasn’t always been easy, he has hit me in the past and we seem to bring out the worst in each other. For the past year or so, he has really tried to be more effectionate and generally a better person however I don’t think I love him…. or ever have.

     

    Anyway, last year I fell head over heels for somebody at work, nothing happened I never cheated at the time. We went out separate ways knowing it was wrong however I never stopped caring about him. Recently, we went on a night out and ended up kissing… a lot. We have been out again since, in a group where he told me he wants to take things slow and see what happens, we kissed again. I don’t feel guilt to my partner and that is the really scary thing. I am so lost, I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I know I need to leave him however every time I have ever tried he has talked me round. I’m scared of making the wrong decision and looking back and regretting it.

    Please, can anybody offer any advice. I’m lost I can’t sleep or anything.

    #198195

    You already know the answer. You know you are not being fair on either of you.

    Staying with someone you dont love is wrong,  for you and for him. Dispite any abuse in the past he deserves someone who can give him 100% and so do you.

    Stop messing about and bite the bullet.

     

    4 users liked this post:
    #198200

    There are two things here. One is your present partner, and the other is the new realtionship. What has the new relationship told you about your old one? I agree with Cassandra.

    #198245

    You are fooling yourself and your partner by trying to deny who you really love. If you truly care of your present partner, you should tell him you don’t love him anymore. Yes, it will hurt him: but it will hurt him much worse if you pretend to feel love for him that isn’t there. Stay true to yourself, too: you’ve only got one life. Spend it with the man you truly love and leave your partner to find someone who genuinely loves him, too.

    #198277

    I completely and 100% agree with all these other wonderful ladies, you know what you need to do!  Especially if he’s been abusive and you know you don’t love him.  You deserve happiness, and he’s not giving that to you.  I know it’s going to be hard, especially with him trying to continue controlling you (I’ve totally been there myself!) but if you have faith in yourself I know you can do the right thing.

    Good luck, and please take care! 🙂

    2 users liked this post:
    #198455

    How are you now, shereexx?

    #198488

    Hello,

     

    thank you for all the advice. I know 100% you are all right. I have told my partner that we need to break up, I have not told him why as I fear his reaction. He has not taken it well, in a way refusing to walk away with promises to change. It’s been a very tough few days/weeks and is still ongoing I am not sure when it will end or how to get through to him that the relationship is over for good.

     

    I have distanced myself from the other guy as I don’t think it is fair to anybody Including myself, I am craving my own company and some heeling time so wouldn’t be fair to give him false hope either for now. Maybe I will feel differently in a few months time, but for now I need to heel myself.

     

    Thank you again 😚

    #198533

    I have serious doubts he will change: but you have to trust your gut instinct on this one. How likely do YOU believe he will change? Maybe he’s seen the light and will become a better man. Or maybe he is clutching at straws. He knows you’re tired of being treated badly and is scared to be left alone. I can’t read his mind but I have my reservations about him changing.

    As to you getting the message through that it’s over: you need to be bold and just forward. And refuse to budge. There is a lot I could say, but you need to trust yourself and do what is right for YOU. Put yourself first.

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