December 13, 2018 at 5:45 pm #198147
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<td class=”alt2″ width=”175″>Posts: 2
<td id=”td_post_7670855″ class=”alt1″>Did I handle this situation with my platonic female friend correctly?
<hr size=”1″ />Did I handle this situation okay with my friend? Thank you to those who try to read this!
Okay so I had this very good female friend named Stephanie, who I was very close with. I do not have any romantic interest in her buy I care about her very much as a friend and she would always confide in me and we would both encourage each other. She has a very jealous boyfriend and she is a jealous girlfriend with him as well. They both hate it when the other has friends or talks, texts, hang out with a member of the opposite sex. However, me and her were good friends and she trusted me.
She would always talk to me about her problems with her boyfriend and I would always try to help her and give her advice. She would tell me that she usually does not speak with other people about this but she would openly talk to me about it. She even used to talk to me about how she felt like she needed a break from her relationship and she even asked me for my opinion on whether or not she should break up with her boyfriend. I was always very supportive of her relationship with her boyfriend and tried to help her, like a true, good friend should and I enjoyed helping her with whatever she needed. Me and her used to work together but then I left the job. However, we both joined a technical college course together and we were excited to be doing it together as friends. She even encouraged me to do it with her.
So we hung out together and talked all the time at school. Everything was good. However, all of a sudden she started distancing herself and acting more cold with me. I never did anything inappropriate, flirtatious, or wrong to her. However, she told me she started thinking that I like her as more than friends for no apparent reason. She stated that it was because when we walk together in the halls and during the breaks I wait outside the restroom for her. Even though we had been doing that for several months at this point and she understood why I did it before as we would always hang out together us 2. We used to do everything in school together and she enjoyed my company before.I assured her that I did not like her in that way and she said she believed me and trusted me.
However, things remained a little bit weird. She blocked me on messenger after I sent her a happy thanksgiving text message in a platonic sense as I do with my other close female friends and some close guy friends of mine as well. I am someone that treats the few friends I have like family. She did not tell me before that she wanted to stop texting her out of respect to her boyfriend because I swear if she did, I know for DARN sure I would have remembered. I reassured her that she has nothing to worry about and she told me that she knows that but that I have annoyed her and she was very rude, callous with me for an extended period. Me and her used to always enjoy texting each other and we used to interact a lot on social media (snapchat, facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp) before and did not have a problem with it before. School became an absolutely painful hell for me because she would avoid me and act like I did not mean **** to her when I had always been so good to her. I was never mad, rude back to her or anything just extremely saddened.
I took it easy for a couple of weeks but I still tried to assure her that I have done nothing wrong and apologized to her and letting her know that I want to fix this because I care about our friendship. Then one of our last few days before Christmas break, I came to school and we crossed each other in the parking lot and we actually walked and talked with each other sort of like before and it felt nice because this was the best things had been between us in almost a month but then we were sitting in a lobby in the college together on a sofa just chatting like normal, and then when a empty spot became available on another sofa next to ours she proceeded to move to that spot and she put her legs up on the couch so maybe I figured she wanted leg space. I did nothing wrong and said nothing because other classmates of ours were there but I was definitely concerned because she never used to do that before. Then later on, there was a situation where it was me, her, and another guy (this guy was gay by the way) walking to another lobby for something that we had to do for school. There were two sofas, both designed for two people to sit on each.
The other guy sat down first and as soon as he sat down she immediately went to sit with him instead of taking the empty couch so she could have more leg room( like she did earlier) And then this guy got called into the interview first, this leaving me and her alone but as soon as he got up…she put her legs up on the couch, this made it clear to me that she was doing that to keep me from sitting next to her and this made me very uncomfortable and frustrated. however, she told me one day that she truly does believe me in what I’m saying to her but at the same time she feels it is disrespectful to her boyfriend for us to be so close and that she would not like for him to have a female friend as good as me either so she doesn’t want to feel like she is doing something wrong to her boyfriend.
I asked if we could take a selfie together as friends in class as we were not doing any work and we both were dressed really nicely that day for we had to do a mock interview for the program we were doing and we just took a picture as a class. I just wanted to take a selfie with her just to have a nice memory between us both despite all that has happened, I asked for a selfie with her, but she said no. The thing is she said no in a manner that I felt seemed like she was not understanding my intent behind it. She left class a minute or so later because she had to go to work and I wanted to reassure to her that I meant nothing inappropriate by the selfie but remember, she had blocked me on messenger/my number so I could not simply text her later about the matter.
Plus, I was not sure if she would be coming to clinicals tomorrow, so I had to leave class and jog after her as she had already walked down the hall and towards the parking lot in order to try to ex explain to her. It looked awkward but that was the only way I could speak with her. We went on winter break and did not have contact with each other. She took me off her snapchat and I think k it was because I meant to type something to someone else but then I realized I was typing to her. And I obviously backspace all of it and te Ted who I meant to text but the thing with snapchat is that once you start chatting with someone it sends the other person the notification even if you never actually sent a message. So she took as me trying to text her when I really was not. and when I asked her about it she told me that she took off all of the guy friends from her snapchat but I feel that is a lie.
She eventually took me off her Instagram as well. I wrote a letter to her reassuring to her that she can trust me, apologized for any misunderstanding, letting her know that I care about her as a friend and I gave it to her on the last day of the program. She told me she would read it later as we would be busy in clinicals that day. Before she left I told her God bless you and she said the same to me. I just feel like she handled the whole situation so poorly because I would honestly never do anything to hurt her. I acted in good faith. She told me that her boyfriend gets very angry with her when it comes to her speaking with other guys at all.
It has been almost 2 full years since this issue occurred from November 2016 to January 2017. This past October I sent her a request on instagram and it stayed on “requested” for almost 3 weeks until all of a sudden she apparently blocked me on Instagram. This hurt me because it’s been 2 years and she still seems to not understand me. I still have her on Facebook and I still like some of her posts from time to time. I have been patient and for the past year and a half I had been doing really well mentally and so on and I was hoping that maybe time would heal things. Again, I am not looking to text her again or talk like we used to. I just want her to understand and know that she can trust me as a friend.
I would honestly never do anything with the Intention of hurting, sabotaging her at all so this just saddens me/breaks my heart deeply that my once, very good friend does not seem to believe me. Did I handle this correctly? I understand if she wants to respect her boyfriend but their is a better, more communication oriented way to handle this. I do not hate her, and I honestly only want the best for her in her life and for her relationship with her boyfriend to prosper. I am just deeply saddened, demoralized by this because if somehow I hurt her unintentionally, it has made me feel awful. :..(
</table>February 11, 2019 at 8:01 pm #199380
I just read everything that you wrote, and I have come to the conclusion that you are somewhat obsessed about this relationship with this female friend that went bad. I understand your need or desire to communicate to her that you meant no harm and that you can be trusted, and I am sure she knows this, but it is her choice to cut ties with you and it seems to me that she has been doing that over and over, but you are just not giving up.
Who knows what went wrong, that is not the point. The point is that she has very obviously tried to end the friendship with you and you have continued to pursue “trying to talk to her” which she very obviously does not want to do anymore.
The more you try to understand what you did wrong, and the more you try to talk to her about it, the more she is going to push you away and block you. You have turned into a stalker at this point. Do yourself a favor and walk away from this. You are not going to get the resolution that you want and need, and she is not interested in explaining it to you.
For whatever reason, she made the decision that you were clingy. By everything that you are saying now it’s fully obvious that not only are you clinging but you are just not letting go at all, and you really need to. You have to understand that it might not have ever been anything that you did that caused this. This could all be on her, and her issues, and yes, you were there for her when she needed you to be, but now she doesn’t need you to be there for her anymore and she has decided it’s in her best interest to cut ties with you.
Please stop trying to “fix” things. You’re obsessing. There’s nothing left to fix, the only thing you need to do is realize that she was using you when she needed you and now she no longer needs you. Let her go.
You should consider finding female friends that do not have jealous boyfriends, that was your first mistake in trying to be there for her when she talked about her boyfriend. You expected that all the things you did for her would be reciprocated as a life long friendship, but you have to see that would not ever happen, especially considering her boyfriend is so jealous.
You’re asking if you handled this situation alright. In my opinion no. You have been dwelling on this for over a year and it’s not healthy. You keep trying to reach out to her, and she hurts you every time by blocking you. You’re letting yourself be hurt by not letting go.
Just let go. Move on. Stop feeling like you did something wrong and realize you tried your best and just walk away.
- This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by Sweetheart4Romance.
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