November 26, 2019 at 10:19 am #205528
I don’t know much about the elderly care system, Spinning Jen, but I hope your mum is happy and comfortable. If I may ask, do you visit your mum often? It must be nice to have a catch up as often as you can.
Anyway, the world does respect confident people. The world tends to trample all over us “weak” and “soft for little children” ones. I know I sound bitter, but I hate that emotionally caring people are let down by their friends and those who hurt others are respected. It drives me mad.November 27, 2019 at 8:18 am #205573
I am not sure how happy my mum is Kitty as she still misses her husband and gets lonely. She has a very bad memory though so will forget if anyone visits within an hour or two. I visit twice a week. My brother lives closer and does visit too but it’s less often I see or speak to him so I don’t really know how often he visits as mum would not remember anyway. he sorts the shopping for her so must visit at least once a week. I find it very soul destroying. Strangely I feel my father was somewhat easier even though he had to go into care in his latter days as he had dementia / Alzheimer’s. I don’t know if it was just my very open approach to people and odd behaviour but I think I was less shocked and able to get closer, perhaps more than I have ever been, even though he was changing. I just ran with it rather than being shocked and brooding like the rest of the family. Mum can be very negative. She is still with it so it can be very trying when we go over the same conversation many times an hour.November 27, 2019 at 8:37 am #205575
@SpinningJen Alzhiemers is soul destroying both for the sufferer and the family. Ive cared for people with it and my MIL had it, after 30+ years of knowing her she totally forgot who I was but remembered my dogs by name when we visited her.
She also forgot my daughter but when I pushed her wheelchair through a market I spotted my son and said whos that? She picked him out of a sea of faces and was delighted.
My husband has FTD which although it is a type of dementia its very different to alzhiemers , his is a behavioural varient. He has very blunted emotions now and can be very rude at times but we make the best of good days and try to avoid conflict on the bad ones. He is also loosing speech memory so he says the wrong word or uses an example to say what he means eg; we saw a bunch of kids hanging out on a corner all dressed in hoodies.. He said they look like …like …like….one of those things who try to bite you and you have to hit them with a shovel.. He meant zombies and was describing a scene from a film we had seen.
Even so I sometimes feel that I suffer with the disease more than he does because I see and feel the full effect whereas he just sails along and ignores it most of the time.
But like yourself I run with it, go along with him 99% of the time and I find that really does help.
( for anyone who has never heard of FTD… https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/dementia/frontotemporal-dementia )
November 28, 2019 at 12:27 am #205583
- This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by cassandra.
I’ve been dealing with a mother with dementia of an unknown type. Since she seemed to suddenly “fall off a cliff” earlier this year, I initiated the process of having her diagnosed. I was hoping this sudden change was due to another health issue (like a UTI); but her labs all came back normal, and she’s physically in tip-top shape. Her MRI showed just normal age-related decline. Her symptoms are a lot like those stated on the Johns Hopkins site, except for the lobe shrinkage described.
My father and I found a wonderful facility and moved her there almost three months ago. Tomorrow will be the first Thanksgiving without her at the table. My dad and I plan to visit in the afternoon after our Thanksgiving meal.November 28, 2019 at 9:18 am #205613
I am sorry to hear that. I hope your father is coping Ok.November 29, 2019 at 9:07 am #205650
@TestDummyCo so sorry to hear about your mum.. I would say that MRI dont always show FTD the shrinkage is not always obvious.
M OH has a perfectly normal brain if scans and he has had the whole range from MRI to EEG PET and fMRI they all say normal but when his behaviour and emotional reactions are tested he scores very high on the indicator list for FTD. When shown flash cards of peoples faces and asked to describe their emotions he failed miserably describing one of a crying woman as ‘an ugly cow’, luckily our specialist says she sees this quite often and that she tends to belive what she is seeingfrom the person themselves and hearing from loved ones.
There is a great book that offers some very good advice called What if its not Alzhiemers by Gary and Lisa Radin just reading it helps you the caregiver or family member feel less alone..
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