Frustrating sex-only relationship

Female Forum Forums Category Related Discussion Love & Relationships Frustrating sex-only relationship

This topic contains 10 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  Mamie 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #194686

    Ok I’ll start off this post that I’ve been talking to this guy, and it’s a pretty mutual sex-only situation. He is moving away soon and there just can’t be anything more than that. So we’ve been sexting for about a month and have had sex only once, with talks of doing it again, but with our busy schedules it’s been difficult.

    Well the frustrating part is that he’s kinda flaky and sometimes won’t respond even when we had plans to have sex. But then not long after he is begging for me and wants me to come over ASAP and all of that and I just can’t. At one point he seemed a little nervous about the situation, like maybe he’s afraid of catching feelings? He expressed that he didn’t respond because he was worried how I felt about all of this and I honestly just said I’m just wanting to have fun.

    I don’t know how to handle his random bailing because I’m becoming sexually frustrated and annoyed with him. If he’s leaving soon should I just cut him off? I really wanted to have sex with him once more and I know he wants to also but he’s difficult to contact. What should I do?

    #194689

    Sounds like sex on demand- his demand. Get out of it- a human relationship is much more than sex. You deserve more. The sex is a celebration of that relationship- not the other way around.

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    #194696

    Ya sounds like a control thing; when he wants it (or wanted it), he wanted you there right now….but you couldn’t. Then when you could, you contact him and he avoids you? So obvious. Like Rhonda said, just leave him be and move on. Don’t waste anymore time/energy on “one more time”.

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    #194698

    Rhonda is right…you deserve more.  That being said, what one deserves and what one wants may or may not be the same thing.  I take it that you don’t want a relationship (just fun)?  In either case, I would dump the guy and find someone else.

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    #194700

    I think in any short term relationship, if things start to become hard work, then it is time to consider the options. I know things are never easy but if you are both working at it then it will seem much easier. Here it doesn’t!

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    #194702

    Morning, Since he is leaving soon just find another sex only relationship close to your vicinity. Remember variety is spice of life so don’t limit yourself to only one guy. the more the better then you don’t have to so dependant on others

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    #194722

    Hello girl 🙂 I hope you are okay.

    I must say have been in a similar situation, but it didn’t work out. (Thank God it didn’t :p) As you say he frustrates you, so he does not let you feel the fun part of it. It’s better to move on as these relationships only hold you back. You can have the full package and enjoy yourself freely with another guy. Thus, good news he is leaving.
    On the other hand, if it happens to see him before he goes do it for yourself. Sometimes, logic does not go with our feelings.
    So, define your needs, make them a priority and act according to them. Then everything will follow.

    Remember, everything will go well in the end. 🙂

    #194741

    Hi, like all the girls have said we should not be messed around as we are all ” special ” and deserve consideration and respect. What ever happened to good old fashioned romance and followed by physical love with the right guy.

    #194764

    Hi Morningmoon

    thank you for sharing your story, and reaching out to ask for support. There is nothing like Siste’s love!

    i have a “friend” I see regularly for sex. The arrangement is mutually suitable. No real emotional investment, no commitment, no accountability… it just works.

    Either of us will make contact and we will meet.

    what I have noticed is that the clearer I am with what I want and express it, the more I get just that.

    and when I am unsure, doubting somehow that he will want to and making excuses for not asking, I find that he matches that by not contacting me or saying no.

    When we meet, we have a great time. And sometimes we don’t. Wether commited or not, we are in a relationship, or sort. It isn’t labelled, a relationship never the less.

    I know that I have to take responsibility for my desire, and be authentic with my feelings. If I hide how I feel and hope I’ll get what I want without expressing it, I can guarantee trouble.

    He I am pulling for attention I am not asking directly for, he will get irritated and I will be resentful, like, “he doesn’t get me and after everything i do for him he can’t do anything for me”… how many times have I ended up saying that?!

    When I take responsibility for my desires and for communicating them, I create my life and feel empowered. Anything short of that gets me all the situations I ended up complaining about. I like to keep my power inside me, and not hand it over to him, and be at the mercy of his whim.

    also, usually, when I express what I want clearly, he can’t resist!!!

    so what I’ll suggest is, go be vulnerable, tell him how you feel and what you want. What’s the worst that can happen? It you are not met there, then you know for sure to move on and you have expressed your desire which is more than likely what your frustration is expressing.

    Let us know how you go!

    Blessings

    loving kindness

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    #194793

    Hi lovingkindness, you have an interesting perspective, keeping your guy to just fulfill  your needs ( and probably his as well ). Good on you if this works for both of you, this might work for Morningmoon but I still miss he romance and togetherness now in my life, but then I am older and sex is slightly less important.

    #194945

    Hello Morningmoon,

    I do hope things are working out okay for you and your lover.  I’ve never been in a situation like yours, I’ve always felt I needed a strong emotional connection for sex to have meaning for me, but I respect how you feel differently.  Some things you’ve said about him feel like red flags to me, he reminds me in some small ways of my ex, who only really wanted things on his terms.  If I wanted intimacy but he wasn’t in the mood, there was no chance of things happening, but if I was busy or not feeling 100% but he was ready, he’d be very pushy about it, and making me feel like it’s my fault.  What you’re saying about him not contacting you because he’s “worried how you feel” makes me think he’s trying to turn things around on you, like it’s your fault because of signals you’ve given him or something.  But I could be totally wrong, but like some others have said it really sounds like he’s making this too much work, and he may either be trying to manipulate you or he just might not be interested enough, and neither of those are good.

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