How to deal with a with my controlling manipulative sister?

Female Forum Forums Category Related Discussion Love & Relationships How to deal with a with my controlling manipulative sister?

This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #202363

    Hello ladies! I am new here!

    I come for some advice and also for prospective. I have been struggling with my older sister my entire life. We got into physical fights as children. She has thrown a wrench at me, given me a black eye, tried to mace me from the front seat while I jumped out of a moving vehicle. She is psycho. Now in our 30s she still picks fights with me. Although our fights are no longer physical  they are still emotionally disturbing. Several examples are she gets jealous when I hang out with my friends. She expects an invite all the time. When I spend time with my husband’s family she gets upset and tells me I spend more time with them than my “real” family. Sometimes the Thanksgiving dinner times conflict, so my husband and I compromise and go to both families. Well she would give me the wrost guilt trip if I had to leave to catch dinner with my in-laws also. Anyway it is a constant battle. I have been married for several years and my sister has literally invites herself to my husband’s family gatherings. It is awkward because she low key tries to bully me around my husband and his family. She picks on me and talks about me as if I am not there. Just rude. She will act like the sweetest person and they all adored her for a while. She follows every-single of my husband’s family members on facebook and also just about all my friends. Especially my close friends. She sees/knows everything because of this. It is annoying. I don’t get on facebook much. There have been times when I post a picture out with my friends and she replies “thanks for the invite”, like who does that? So childish. So a little back story, when I was 18-21 we rented an place together. I had no other choice. I was in college and she was all about partying and dating rich men. She eventually had a baby and her boyfriend (not a rich man) moved in, so I tried to find my own apartment. She used to actually delete the messages from the apartments that would call me back to follow up. She didn’t want me to move out so she made it really hard for me. When I bought a new car, instead of being happy for me she was mad and made me feel like a sucker for getting a new car. I evenually got my own place after her 2nd child was born. The boyfriend was in and out of the picture. She gave me the biggest guilt trip then too, she told me that I would me missing out on the baby! What am I the father? Fast forward, I graduated college, I eventually met someone and I got married after dating for years. We bought our 1st home. I work fulltime, I have no children yet. I am a busy person. I attend all my niece’s and nephew’s birthday parties, recitals, etc. I even help her decorate for all the parties and stay behind to clean as well. She wanted me to be in the hospital when she had all her children, so I was there every time. But this is not enough for her. She wants more! After I got off work the other day I was called her back since I missed her phone call. She told me that she accidentally but dialed me because I was on her favorites she proceeded to say she didn’t know why I was on her favorite since I am so distant. Side note, I was out of town the week prior and saw her a week before that. She literally just called ne to pick a fight. She said I might as well be living in another state. She then told me that my children are only going to spend time with my husband’s side. This was out of nowhere. I don’t even have children! I told her that I was out of town, told her I am busy working. She then asked if there is a reason I don’t go over to hang out with her. I said that I don’t want to be involved in the drama and people are always fighting. There is so much yelling in her home! I told her the only reason she was calling was because she saw a recent post on facebook of me at a bbq with my husband’s family. I then told her she was just mad because she wasn’t there. I also said that she always invites herself. (This is all true and was eventually going to come out) She got offended and that pretty much ended the call. So this usually means she will bad talk me to my mom, not include me in gatherings om purpose and treat me like I am a bad person. Happens every 6 months or so. She creates chaos. I just don’t know what to do. Like seriously who acts like this? We are in our 30s only several years apart. She then resports to instagram and facebook to post stuff about being sad and heart broken etc or the complete oppisite. Remember everyone I know sees this. She controls her husband, our mom the entire family except me. That probably pisses her off. She gets mad when you tell her no. She literally gets irate, yells and tells you hurtful things. My mom told her no recently and she told my mom that she was never there for her children and told her there is a special place for her when she goes. My mom literally called me crying and laughing about it. She later went to my moms house to apologize and to give her a hug. She is mentally abusive and manipulative. She does want she wants, she has an entrepreneur lifestyle, always trying to make money the quick way. It works for her. She has never had a regular job where there is structure and accountability. She doesn’t understand that I am busy and tired at times. Sometimes I just want to netflix and chill. She also travels often, eats at the nicest places in our town. She is married, has a beautiful home, sweet kids. I don’t get it she acts like her life is so perfect on social media. I mean the girl has it all. I am happy and living a simple life, a life of have my own. She just likes to cause all this drama. What is her deal? What does she want from me? How do I explain that we will never be as close as she wants us to be? She acts like a stalker I swear. I am here because I don’t have anywhere else to go. Feel like she tries to hijack my husband’s family by always inviting herslef. She tries to be friends with my friends. What should I do? <!–more–>

    • This topic was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by  sagirl.
    #202373

    I’m afraid I’ve only skim read your post, but let me say this: you need to get your sister out of your life. She is toxic, cruel and horrible. The fact she is your sister doesn’t excuse her behaviour. If she loves you, she has a funny way of showing it.

    Don’t put up with it: get her out of your life. She’ll never change and is pure poison.

    1 member liked this post:
    #202421

    In your 30s? When I started reading I thought you were 18 or so.

    At 30 youre a grown woman. So if you don’t like her then don’t put up with it cut her out of your life. Yes there will be stress at the start while people adjust to the idea dont get into discussions with them about your decision just stick with it and wait for peace to descend.

    1 member liked this post:
    #202451

    Thank you ladies for taking the time to respond to my post.

    I kind of went off on a vent session. Didn’t realize how long my post was until I hit submit. I  tried to go back in and edit to shorten it but I couldn’t figure it out. I am new here 🙂

    I am going to stay away and am attempting to cut the toxic from my life. You’re right, I am too grown up to be dealing with it. I am not 18 anymore.

    #202455

    You do have every right to be happy and not put up with a controlling, nasty sister. Of course, no one chooses their siblings, but you are right: you’re not 18 years old anymore. It is her loss when you’ve cut her out of your life: and I hope she sees the light when you’re gone. Or, rather, when she is gone. She will fight you – try to stop you make her leave – but stand your ground and don’t give in. Unless she sees the light, you’re going to be much happier without her.

    I am also glad to have helped: I know it is hard for you, but she doesn’t deserve you. Make that break soon.

    #202613

    How have things gone, sagirl? I hope you’re all right now. What has transpired from the situation with your sister? I assume she promised to change – just a guess – and if she did make such a promise, I hope she lives up to it. If she doesn’t, you MUST get her out your life. Having someone so negative and horrible in your life is not fair on you. You need to respect yourself before your sister, too.

    I think you’re a wonderful person and I hope I was able to help.

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