July 24, 2019 at 9:05 am #202672
Throughout my teen years, I was never “fat.” I did have some extra meat on my bones, but that’s just because I have an hourglass figure so it was more curvaceous. I look at my pictures from when I was 15-16 and I had a gorgeous body–I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that.
I was never addicted to junk food. I got an ulcer when I was 13 and that helped me make better choices because simple–it became too painful to eat. I must have lost 7kg within a month. I did gain some of that back, but I maintained it for several years… Until last year.
Last year must have been the most difficult year of my life. I suffered emotional abuse by some relatives and this extreme anxiety + depression + stress relapse made me emotional eat. A LOT. I ended up gaining a crap-ton of weight and developing bad eating habits. Hence, I spiraled into yet another abyss of shame and self-loathing. My old clothes still fit, but I don’t look the same in them.
What made matters worse was that I overheard my father rant about how “fat” I am and shame my body in front of some other relatives. I also have a friend from school who’s implied I’m ugly and fat several times–she used to be overweight but the last time I met her, she’s gotten so thin, despite eating garbage like pizza and burgers everyday (I never eat from outside, by the way. The last time I had pizza was a month ago, and that was only a slice.) I went to my cousin’s wedding and all the girls there were so skinny and beautiful. Meanwhile, I was just an unattractive, fat lump sitting between them all, who gains weight just by breathing.
Moving on from the rant, it’s been over a year since I quit soft drinks and nearly three months since I quit fruit juices. I also rarely eat sweets (maybe once in like, two weeks?) But I’m a South Asian and we love our salt and spices. Letting go of sugar is easy but it’s the salt/spice that I feel really keeps the scale from decreasing. Any advice on how I can let it go, or what I should eat as replacement? And how do I stay motivated? I’ve also started exercising but some days, I feel waves of sadness come over me again for no reason, and that just makes me lose all the energy I have. 🙁
July 24, 2019 at 9:17 am #202674
- This topic was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by ruhaniyat.
I really feel for you. Its not easy to accept a new body shape or keep motivated around negative people.
So try to find someone even an online buddy (there are several groups on social media) who can help the motivation problems.
Let go of the shame. I dont mean the weight gain shame but the reason for the weight gain that shame that makes you feel bad belongs elsewhere , ie on the people who were so abusive to you. Dont let them shame you into self destruct mode and try to avoid them when possible dont allow yourself to be drawn into situations where they get the chance to gang up on you.
Another thing. Put away the pictures of the younger you, you cannot turn back the clock you will never be 15 again so accept your adult body and find the size and shape that suits you, a wonderful and beautiful woman..July 24, 2019 at 1:34 pm #202679
I used to be thinner back in the day. But these days I just accept myself as I am. I don’t overeat, I choose healthy foods, I eat treats and don’t deprive myself of food. I eat breakfast, lunch most days and a home cooked dinner each night. I allow myself chocolate and the odd cake. I have a pack of crisps once every so often. I don’t deny myself food. In fact, I have less cravings for sweet foods by letting myself eat them. I do a lot of walking and just keeping active generally.
With your family pressuring you: you’re not alone in this. It is very hurtful to be told you’re fat and “ugly”. That is – essentially – bullying. And you are upset, which I can understand.
You can’t turn back the clock, but you can learn to see yourself beyond the physical: finding things that make you valuable within yourself, so you can validate yourself without needing others approval. Finding yourself attractive without needing others to say so, is key. Once you learn to see the positives within yourself, the weight will drop off. Also, dieting can increase weight. That sounds very odd, but it is true. Eat like a sane person, love your reflection, find your value that YOU see. Because you are a person: not just a body.
I hope I’ve helped.July 24, 2019 at 2:43 pm #202686
Hey, Cassandra and KitKat. Thank you both so much for replying.
Your kind words have truly made me feel better–I just need to reflect on them more to help them etch in my mind. The relatives who abused me, I cut them off completely, even my mom and brother cut them off. Speaking of my wonderful mother, she says the exact same thing KitKat did. She always tells me I should learn to be happier and “look at the positives,” and I’ll “lose weight automatically.” She doesn’t believe in diets either. There was a time when neither did I. Maybe I’m just being brainwashed by the Internet and this whole health-craze.
I am blessed to have people in my life who do love me for me, and find me beautiful and attractive; I admit that I am a negative thinker so the ugliness seems big and looms over me. I’m going to focus more on changing my mindset. I hope you’re both looking after yourself.July 24, 2019 at 4:04 pm #202696
It is always hard to keep the motivation for dieting, I am generally a size 12 (uk ) but following some emotional ups and downs discovered I had put on a good 10 lbs ( no wonder I was squeezing into my 12 clothes. I have to admit my figure is more curvy but I am back on the diet again, usually just eating smaller meals and drinking water to quell the appetite works for me.July 25, 2019 at 7:01 am #202702
Im glad that you are feeling a little happier..
Due to a health problem I gained a huge amount of weight in a couple of months, when I was at my worst my husband watched me walk down the living room and just said ‘oh my you are so sexy with your curves’ . It helped me so much to know I was still attractive to him and even though Ive lost a lot of that weight its nice to know he isnt bothered by it and understands why it happened.
Letting yourself be surrounded with good people is half the battle won.July 26, 2019 at 12:44 pm #202722
I do look after myself: and always will. I don’t diet, I don’t drink a lot and I definitely do not smoke. I look after my mental health, too: such as being around positive people, going for daily walks, sleeping at night, listening to music, being positive about myself and seeing the plus points as to who I am. I actually find my self esteem is higher by not wanting to be physically perfect: I wear dresses a lot more often than I did. I shower daily: that kind of thing. Since stopping pressuring myself to fit others ideals, I actually find myself more attractive and more brave with my wardrobe. I speak up much more often. I stand up for myself. I don’t abuse my body with diets. I don’t abuse myself, full stop. I have also found since doing all this, I am actually a nicer person and less selfish: rather than more selfish. Charity does start at home: and people have noticed. Since all this, people are nicer to me and more respectful. Whereas when I was beating myself up about my looks and the suchlike, people were negative towards me.
It is all about attitude to oneself and showing you respect yourself and cherish yourself.July 27, 2019 at 8:28 pm #202744
lets get into facts:
30% of fat loss usually comes from cardio workouts daily (like running, swimming, cycling, etc)
the rest 70% is the food you eat.
I’ve noticed for myself that if I cut out carbs and eat less carbs (not entirely btw), then u can lose more weight.
You mentioned your problem is salt, and its a problem because Sodium effects in weight loss. In Chemistry, Sodium attracts Water, so you basically swell up in water weight .
Basically carbs also make you gain more water weight because Carbs also make you absorb water.
Spicy stuff btw, is a different thing completely. I actually heard it helps accelerate the digestion of your stomach.
So what i do to lose weight? Eat less carbs, more fat and protein (lots of eggs, chicken breasts etc). I do eat rice and potatoes but in really small portions. I prefer to eat more protein than carbs.
If I’m at work so I eat energy bars. it helps me monitor my calorie intake because it tells you how much you eat (usually an energy bar is between 100–200 calories) -< and they’re tasty and filling .
btw, I still let myself eat junk and drink alcohol so I guess that’s why my weight loss is pretty slow but its fine, i don’t want to stop enjoying life just because I want to lose weight. As long as I lose weight and not gain it its ok.
So far I’ve lost 1.5 kg in 7 weeks (its considered pretty slow but idc), I do feel stronger because of my workout.
Oh! talking about workouts, what I do is simply jumping rope. yep. jumping rope is the best cardio there is because you burn the most from any other cardio including running.
So if you jump rope 15 minutes its basically like running 30 minutes.
1 word tho – if you’re not used to it, you’ll experience lots of pain in your legs especially your calfs, it started to get easier for me only after 1 month of jumping rope. I am jumping rope for 1.5 months and lost 1.5 kg so yeah… its alot for me because I don’t really have to lose weight especially after toning up in the process. right now my weight is 56.2 and I want to reach 53kg..
what’s good about jumping rope is that it uses lots of the muscles of your body including your legs, especially the calves, the stomach and arms. also a jumping rope costs nothing, relative to the gym. and you can jump rope anywhere, even inside your house when its raining or whatever.July 28, 2019 at 7:06 am #202749
I don’t diet at all, but have found that my walking has helped a lot. It has made me feel better and although it maybe does not burn off a lot of calories, my better frame of mind does stop comfort eating. I have been walking a little over 10 miles a week in the countryside so not excessive but it does take a bit of dedication. My diet consists of lots of fruit and veg and, although I am not vegetarian, I eat far less meat than I did (generally only two meals a week) but quite a bit more fish (3 or 4 meals a week). I probably don’t have the amount of herbs and spices of an Asian diet but I do have far more than anyone I know as I have them in every cooked meal (even some with my seeds in breakfast cereal). I don’t think they make any negative difference in weight but do believe they are beneficial. Since I started walking like I do (around last Christmas) I am becoming increasingly happy looking in the mirror as I think I am looking better, thinner and fitter than weight loss would do alone as the muscle tone is helping. It’s happening slowly too which is a better thing.July 28, 2019 at 8:20 am #202751
I have two dogs so they are my motivation, as @spinningjen says walking is great. Its free, it can be really interesting and it keeps both mind and body busy if you use your walk to observe the world around you.
We walk about 10km per day thats normally 5-7 in the morning and the rest in two smaller walks during the day.
I also do not diet and I dont buy into all the rubbish diet fads they are there to make money for the diet companies..Just think about it. If they really really worked they would cease to make money so they set you up to fail and the companies make billions on selling a dream.
Eat well but eat less, move more and you should see changes. I do carry extra weight due to medical issues but my muscle tone is good for a woman of my age and I have low cholesterol , healthy low BP( 110/75) low heart rate (58bpm at rest) and low sugars.
High impact exercise such as jumping rope etc is not for me. I have recently been diagnosed with arthritis (foot and hip) but luckily walking is good exercise for this so I can just carry on as normal.
being slim is great but only if its a healthy slim, my specialist once said the best method is to measure your height in cm then deduct the 100 leaving you with two numbers eg; 165cm would be 65 and that was your ideal weight +/- 5 kilo
July 29, 2019 at 7:28 am #202758July 30, 2019 at 6:53 pm #202776
- This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by cassandra.
Loved reading all of your replies and I’m so glad it’s working well for you ladies. Thank you for the tips.
I have cut out snacks completely–the only snack I sneak is the occasional biscuit with my afternoon tea. I’ve been trying to incorporate more fruit in my diet. My portions have always been small so I don’t have a problem with that. I’ve also heard that jumping rope is the best exercise but gaahhh, every time I’ve tried it, my heart starts palpitating and it freaks me out! 🙁
Although I’ve seriously been considering doing it as an alternative to running, and sucking it up. Maybe I could switch between the two. It hasn’t been long but I have been noticing a change in my weight. I look slimmer, but that could just be in my head.August 1, 2019 at 8:10 am #202811
I have limited my snacking, too, ruhaniyat. In fact, I always have. I just don’t eat all the foods that I could eat. I am very sensible with my diet. I don’t diet diet, if you see what I mean: I look after my body by eating the right foods. I don’t follow fad diets or the suchlike: I simply use common sense and allow myself the odd treat.
Boring, yes – and sensible – but the only way to go.August 2, 2019 at 7:48 am #202838
It does not have to be boring Kitty. Maybe slightly more expensive, but a big variation in vegetables is a lot cheaper than meat. There are all manner of things out there, and with a few herbs and spices thrown in food can be very interesting as no meal need be quite the same twice. It’s one reason I seldom follow recipes as they don’t cater for some odd item I have come across on ethnic market stalls when I visit places, or even some supermarkets.