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How was separation like for you?

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  • #212399

    This is a question for those who are currently separated or have been.

    I am living with my soon-to-be-ex. He filed for a divorce a month ago. Since nothing has been finalized yet, I guess we are what society calls “separated”. I come from a different culture and my values are very different from his. Needless to say, I am really struggling to come to terms with this living arrangement. Due to the pandemic and advise from my family, I am staying put for now but, really, would rather be away from him.

    Since he has made his want for a divorce very clear, I’ve decided to sleep on the couch at night (away from him). He has grown colder after that. Occasionally, he would seem normal again but he always reverts to his quiet, moody state. This is so confusing for me to keep up with. I, on the contrary, just want to make everything civil and decent for our own sakes, so I still talk, smile and continue with my usual household chores.

    Recently, I’ve been quite uncomfortable with finding out that he almost every night masturbates and leaves his soiled towels in the hamper which I end up washing for him. Deep inside I want to say something but I don’t want the confrontation. Have any of you ladies have to go through with something like this?

    I’ve been frequenting chat sites just to distract myself and discovered that many people are in this situation. It’s tough! How do you people do it and stay sane?

    • This topic was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Lilyrae.

    Im so sorry for you. Ive never been in this situation but you are very right in staying civil,  in a messy divorce the only ones who win are the lawyers.

    If I was feeling vindictive I would say rub a chilli pepper over his towels it might put him off his dirty habits for a while.


    One thing comes to mind…do only your laundry.  He can do his own.


    I’ve never been married, so I don’t know how it feels to be separated. But I can understand the upset and distress. Being alone is – well – lonely. Having had someone in your life for so long and then having the marriage end is going to be upsetting. And having to uproot yourself isn’t great or easy.

    When you’re like me and you’ve always been alone, you don’t really feel the impact of a relationship ending as much. If you’re always alone, you learn to cope with new situations. You learn to make things happen for yourself and for your life, without having to consider someone else’s feelings. But you’ve now got a life alone. And you do have your family and friends. So you’re not alone in that sense.

    I’m afraid I didn’t read your post fully*, but I hope you take interest in what I have to say. Oh: you will get used to be being single, so have no doubts about that. AND being single can – sometimes – be better than sitting in a relationship you’re unhappy in and doesn’t fit anymore. Now is YOUR time.

    *I’ve now fully read your post. I do think you’re better off without him. Of course, I am not an expert on your marriage, but what from  you’ve said, it would be best. I do hope you become happy.


    [quote quote=212432]And having to uproot yourself isn’t great or easy.[/quote]
    I Think that uproot is the most agonizing . My husband and me was have a difficult relation from 20 years. We have a daughter of 17 and son of 12. It’s very hard! After umpteenth quarrel He say me “I have open my eyes and I’m tired out of you!” Ouch!!
    <pre id=”tw-target-text” class=”tw-data-text tw-text-large XcVN5d tw-ta” dir=”ltr” data-placeholder=”Traduzione”>

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