July 1, 2019 at 7:45 pm #202287
As the title says above.
I don’t want to lose any friendships and want to maintain relations with my family. So I now try much harder and really put in the effort. I only have one life and need to get along with people. I don’t want to die alone. I try to be more positive with people [although I’ve never shared negative thoughts with anyone] and just be friendly.
Of course, that doesn’t mean I will suck up to people or be a people pleaser or sacrifice myself for others. I still respect myself and know there’s a difference between friendship and being someone’s fool.
It has taken 39 years but I am getting to a better place within myself. I know I have to look after me before reaching out to others. In fact, doing so has made me better with people. If you’re too nice, it can backfire. Still, I know what’s what.
How have you improved and built on your relationships [family, friendship and partner]?July 2, 2019 at 8:53 am #202315
Oh gosh. I was just saying to OH this morning that I am pretty much done with my family.
My mother is seriously ill again , she is a diabetic kidney paitent on dialysis my brother who still lives at home has allowed his new puppy (which mother told him not to get) to run riot in the house and friends have had to go in and clean the house, change the bedding, do some shopping etc before she gets home. His excuse was that he hasnt been well and he still has to work ..He is nearly 52 for goodness sake.
The rest of the family are distant anyway and only seem to contact me if they need advice or are trying to get a free holiday by asking to come and visit me. (they dont visit they use my home as a hotel from which to go out and enjoy NL while Im left cooking and cleaning for them).
I have decided that once my mother dies I really dont see any need for me to ever speak to any of them again.
I dont care about getting old or dying alone rather alone in good company (me) than surrounded by parasites. Over the year I have been too nice , too willing and too generous with my time and my hospitality Im pulling away and making sure I put me first for a change.
I think being closer to family only works if there is give and take in the relationship, where its all one sided you really have to ask yourself if its really worth while wasting time on them.
July 3, 2019 at 7:49 am #202348
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by cassandra.
I must admit I don’t work on relationships as much as I used to. It is very easy to get taken advantage of. My outlook is usually very friendly to most everyone but I realised that it was becoming hard work to please people who are not really interested anyway.July 5, 2019 at 9:44 am #202372
I can understand where you’re coming from, SpinningJen. I also think trying harder in relationships doesn’t mean being someone’s fool: and you’re definitely no fool. It does not mean being a martyr or sacrificing oneself. Becaue trying harder with relationships also means having self respect. Getting along with others – personally speaking – does not mean having to please everyone: that is being what others might label a “fool”. A lot of people do confuse being nice with being weak, too: there is a big difference between someone being nice and someone being weak.
I am not trying to be patronising, but feel I should clarify what I mean by working harder at relationships.
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