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I did badly hurt my boyfriend

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    Hello my name is Isabelle. I am sorry for that terrible english but as you did guess it’s not my native language…

    So Im a beautician and my hubby is an ex military and a bit macho.All is great but with the job and daily things to do I struggle to get some time with him To fix that, we did decide to make some sport together. What was the more complicated was to find a sport that can fit for both of us. I wanted salsa or a dance sport (im an ex ballerina) but he refuses, he wants tennis but i hate racket sport… So finally after hours of search and discussion he proposed me judo. I first refuse it but because I see we were blocked I said ok let’s try it…

    Finally, after 5 lessons, we both had fun going there. I had the feeling to improve and feel really good practicing. We were on the same club, same training but we had our partner for the “fight part” in the end of the lesson.

    Last week, my partner was away so just before the fight part my hubby look at me with a “challenging smile”. He ask me to try it with him “if I dare”. Well, I am a bit taller and i practiced ballerina during years but he outweight me and he is an ex military so im not too much confident..

    He tease me a bit telling me he’ll show me who’s my boss and that’s it’s more tough than just dancing…

    We hang each other kimono and turn around. I pull his sleeve, to the left, to the right, I straighten my leg out and fall on him to the ground. He struggle to escape but I pin him and count to 5 (we need to pin the opponent 5 sec to win). his face was all red and while he get up I can’t hide myself from smiling.
    Now he seems really focus and we start again. I still smile while he seems really serious. I pull his kimono again and got him the exact same way. On the ground I quickly wrapped my arms around his head and I block his legs with my feet. He struggle but I had a good grip so i count to 5 and win… Before I release himI whisper on his ear “ouch your ballerina got you badly this time” I get up and prepare for the 3rd round but he walk and sit on a bank, waiting for the end of the lesson…

    He asked me to drive and I struggle to not have the bizarre silence that can sometimes happen. He just say nothing and i make a monologue about housework or whatever. Seems that he told me he doesnt want to go there anymore. I laugh a bit at first asking him if it’s because I beat him but he answer me aggressivly that no, he just think it’s suck.

    Seems that, I haven’t talk to him about that anymore but he look different, like he worry about something or i don’t know. He’s so cold with me, never laugh and seems even a bit depress…

    I really didn’t want to hurt him or whatever and now I don’t know how can I fix that.

    Do you have an idea?


    Tell him to grow up. Its great that you are able to take care of yourself.


    I thought I remembered , and found a very similar thread to this from a while back https://www.femaleforum.com/forums/topic/i-did-hurt-my-boyfriend-because-of-sport/

    Hopefully it will help.


    I remembered reading a similar post previously myself, SpinningJen.

    Anyhow, it is wonderful you’re able to protect yourself and aren’t afraid to use violence, to be blunt. OK, the fight was in a controlled environment, but being able to use a martial art is fantastic. And I think your boyfriend must respect that: even if his pride is hurt.

    By the way, your English is wonderful: you’ve got your post right. Welcome, too!

    Back to your boyfriend: even men have feelings, so I can understand his hurt. I’d talk to him and tell him you hope he’s OK and that type of thing. Don’t be too sensitive, though: it’ll push the wound in deeper. Just be there for him and let him know you care. But don’t feel too guilty for using a martial art: as I’ve said, it is a skill that can protect you.

    I do hope I’ve helped.

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