May 16, 2018 at 8:51 am #182080
I met my husband at a marriage tour about 2 years ago and we settled down very quick. We have a fiery but passionate kind of love between us and so it’s always exciting. This made us feel like we were ready to get married. And so we got married about 6 months ago. I’m getting to know my husband more and more with each passing day and I’m starting to think he is a narcissistic person. His ego is huge. He loves to turn the tables on me. Whenever we fight and he’s the one at fault, he’d find a way to make it my fault. I’m getting sick of it. What should I do? I really regret not getting to know him better before marrying him.
May 16, 2018 at 2:22 pm #182092
- This topic was modified 2 months ago by sonia27.
You’re obviously deeply unhappy. Why stay in the marriage? You’ll never change him: no matter how much talking you do. He is what he is and if he’s wrong for you, you’ll live in misery if you stay married. I don’t see why you should tolerate a painful marriage: you’ll just stay in misery. It’s your choice, but you’ll be the only one who suffers.
1 member liked this post:May 16, 2018 at 7:55 pm #182104
i suggest a timeout of significant length like a month to reflect on your feelings and spend time with other men. don’t make a rash divorce decision. let him know why you are doing a timeout so he can understand your feelings. if a dude upsets me i always do a month timeout with rationale. in most cases my guys correct their misbehavior and we get back together. mqke up sex is a good the best.May 17, 2018 at 5:34 am #182206
@kitkatkitty You’re right that I’m no longer happy with our marriage. I should’ve known him better.May 17, 2018 at 5:36 am #182209
@bunny1984 That’s what they call “silent treatment”. I’ve done that to my ex-guys already; however, I believe that’s difficult for my husband to chew. He is a very difficult person to deal with.May 17, 2018 at 7:48 am #182379
most men are like that sorry to say,there is no something like long/short time of knowing people,follow bunny advice.time heal give him time alone to refresh are all shall be well
1 member liked this post:May 17, 2018 at 11:32 am #182387
if you are no longer happy with your marriage i would suggest you care more about your future than to what your husband can chew. he is difficult because you spoil him by considering his feelings are more important than yours.
is your life so up to you how to manage it.May 17, 2018 at 10:53 pm #182415
If it’s been only six months, and you’re truly unhappy now, it’ll only get worse as time goes on. Cut your losses while you’re young. You’ll be much happier in the end.May 20, 2018 at 3:10 pm #182588
I am so very deeply sorry Sonia, I empathize with your situation, and feelings of frustration, sadness, and remorse.
I was in a long term relationship with a narcissist, I mean he wasn’t officially diagnosed but I’m pretty sure he was, you know what I mean? He was very charming when we met, he seemed like he was full of youthful exuberance, and he flattered me a lot and he made me feel very special. I needed so much more time than you did, I was with him for nine years, but thankfully we were never married, but we co-habitated. He got worse and worse over time and I didn’t even really realize it, but looking back it all feels so clear and and I feel so very foolish with myself.
Everything always had to be about him, what he wanted, and when he wanted things, and I always had to go along with his needs. I moved across the country for him, away from all my friends and family, but he never really supported me in anything unless he was benefiting. He got very good at manipulating me and guilting me, I feel over our last few years he was really emotionally abusive towards me, making me feel everything was my fault, and I was lucky to have him, and I owed him. When I got better and better jobs he just basically stopped working and lived off my income, he wasn’t even trying, that was for like three years. We stopped having sex more than two years ago, he just wanted me to pleasure him orally. I tried asking him to see a therapist if maybe he was suffering from depression or something, but he made me feel really bad about that, like I was the one who had a mental health problem, and I’m lucky he forgave me and everything. Just typing this out I feel so very stupid, you know what I mean? Looking back for the last few years I feel I was really more his slave than his girlfriend, my life was miserable. My final thing with him was when he seriously suggested my disabled brother should be euthanized, because I wanted him to come live with us so I could take care of him as my parents are really aging, and I was so shocked and disturbed I just really got woken up or something, you know what I mean? I gave him a few thousand dollars I’d been saving up just to leave, luckily all our assets are in my name because he has terrible credit and no job. He went back to Canada and I really hope I never see him again.
I’m so very sorry for going on so much and if I was too personal, I just sort of wanted to share my story how I wasted almost a decade of my life, I don’t believe there’s much hope for narcissistic men, and I do feel he might have a good chance of getting abusive if he’s not getting what he wants.
I’m really very sorry, I truly do hope the best for you whatever decision you make. Please take care.
May 21, 2018 at 7:34 pm #182826
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by Mamie.
That’s awful, Mamie. He must’ve been very skilled at manipulating people. No wonder you never want to see him again. I do think it can be very difficult for a person to realize they’re being manipulated. It does compute in the end, but for years it just goes on, while the victim blames herself/himself. It must be crushing to realize you’ve been had. And it’s downright unfair. Anyhow, I read your story, Mamie, with interest. You went through a hell and I have a lot of sympathy for you – and other people – caught up in such a situation.May 22, 2018 at 8:01 am #182931
It’s good you managed to be rid of him Mamie. It takes a while to get over, but you will.May 23, 2018 at 2:05 am #183212
Thank you so very kindly for your replies and support. I feel my biggest regret was not recognizing what he was sooner, and wasting so many years of my life. I just wanted to let Sonia know my experience with a narcissist, to say how bad it can get, right?May 24, 2018 at 2:19 am #183476
all men fool around sooner or later. best to recognize it is biologically incurable.May 27, 2018 at 4:18 am #184719
I feel like this with my boyfriend sometimes thank God he’s just my boyfriend. With someone like that it kinda makes you want to say less just to avoid an argument that’s going to end up being your fault. But no matter what never lose your voice in a relationship stand for what you think is right.May 27, 2018 at 2:54 pm #184900
Sonia, first off I am truly sorry you are in this mess. Marriage and even relationships are two way street and it doesn’t seem like your husband is playing it that way. Everything that goes wrong has to be your fault and that makes things very stressful on you I imagine. You really need to sit him down and explain to him how this is making you feel if you even want this marriage to work. If you think it is beyond that you need to tell him right out this was a big mistake and cut ties.