I want to move but he doesn’t

Female Forum Forums General Discussion General Chat I want to move but he doesn’t

This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #156951

    Hi ladies,

    I’m new here and would love your advice on what to do when I want to move but he doesn’t?

    Over a year ago we had made the decision we were going to move towns (3hrs away) because he had no work where we are. We live in one of the most beautiful places in the world with a population of only about 35,000. The place we were going to move them has a population of about 167,000 (not that it matters). Anyway we had decided there was obviously more opportunities for work for both of us and more opportunities for the kids with not just sports but activities to do on the weekends/holidays.

    But then he got a permanent job where we are. I was abit bummed because we talked about for so long I was looking forward to a change. I also had a feeling that things would not work between him and his boss (which 7 months into the job he isn’t happy but there’s no other jobs around here for him).

    I still want to move but it’s like his scared of change. I don’t know what to do because I still really want to move. I’m bored here, there’s nothing to do unless you have lots of money, there’s nothing around for the kids to do and there’s no work (I’m a stay at home Mum at the moment but looking to get back into work.

    Also our landlord is about to put the property up for sale so we will have to move but there are bugger  all rentals around, whereas in the other town there are plenty.

    Advice please ladies

    #156966

    I can understand a bit because I don’t like change too much. Where we live is quiet, but that is how I like it. Beautiful countryside. I would hate a large city, even though there are many more oportunities and things to do. It may be a good thing that your landlord is giving you a push. An ideal time to work things out. As he has a job, it may be far easier for him to get a job there too. What I would suggest is to get together and draw up a plan, writing the good and bad points about moving on a list, not just worries and feelings. You do need to do things together though, not make it a barrier between you. It may well become a bit clearer then with more than just yes and no.

    #156999

    This is tricky. He could very well be scared of change. If he is, then reassure him he’s got nothing to be afraid of if you move. Support him with his fears and really get the message home that you’re unhappy where you’re living and you both need change.

    This sounds very negative, but when a couple is split on issues like this, sometimes the relationship ends. I know that isn’t an option, but many would move on without their partner. Again, I realize this isn’t an option. But you do need to push him and just support him when you do both decide to move.

    #157048

    Maybe you need to explore the new town together and get a sense of what new opportunities you will have to enjoy.

    Also, if the landlord is changing you will most certainly have a rent increase. So, move- you will love it

    #157082

    I know we need to talk about it but it’s so hard because it just ends up in a fight. He basically says if  you want to go then go but I know deep down if I said ok then I will, he would be devastated. As soon as I mention anything about the place he just brushes it off even though the other night he was abit tipsy and he was looking at rentals there. I just get pissed off because it gets me all excited thinking “yes he’s changed his mind” and then the next day he shuts me down if I mention it.

    Grrrr men!!!!!

    #158025

    I don’t believe anyone should sacrifice their happiness for another person: unless it is a dire situation. You’re obviously very unhappy where you are. I think you have to decide to work on your happiness and go where you want to go. If you’re always getting into a fight when you try to discuss moving, that discussion is a waste of time. I think you need to reevaluate your relationship. I do see problems from your post and talking won’t fix them. I think it’s make or break for you both.

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