Just how hard is it for guys to be monogamous?

Female Forum Forums Category Related Discussion Love & Relationships Just how hard is it for guys to be monogamous?

This topic contains 14 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 2 hours, 57 minutes ago.

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  • #205667

    Hi lovelys

    So i recently had an interesting conversation about relationships with a few associates. The topic of discussion was cheating in relationships  – y’all i was blown away by some of the beliefs most ladies in the group had. I basically told the story of how my ex cheated endlessly but keeps on popping up every week asking for forgiveness and just from that the ladies bashed me for not taking him back – they went on about how cheating is just a guy’s thing and mem are capable of loving their woman but will casually sleep around because of sex..some of these ladies went on to say I’ll find myself old and lonely with no man because of my foolishness of believing there is a man out there that does not cheat…. 4/6 of these ladies believe you just turn a blind eye to the unfaithfulness

    So lovelys what do y’all think?

    1 member liked this post:
    #205681

    Monogamy is an unnatural thing in most of the animal kingdom , so if you accept that we are just  higher animals then its an un-natural state of affairs expecting a man to be faithful.

    However it is what society expects and we have been bought up to expect it, So there is demand for a man to be faithful.

     

    Can they do it?

    Yes some can.

    But it is up to the two people forming a relationship to decide what bounderies and ground rules they have , if either of the partners is not happy with it then its time to stop.

     

    1 member liked this post:
    #205686

    I think it depends a little in your own social circle. There will always be those, both male and female, who cheat, but in some circles it is more accepted as the norm than in others. I don’t think it is clear cut either. Probably most people push boundaries, either intentionally or due to drink etc, but I don’t think they are being particularly unfaithful, just unthinking

    1 member liked this post:
    #205695

    I’d have to agree with all of the above.  Another way to look at this from a “higher animals” point of view:

    We’ve evolved to ignore our basic instincts because society deems it “inappropriate,” most of the time for good reason.  Take Romeo and Juliet…they were only 12 or 13 years old at the time.  That’s right around the time that the female of our species becomes fertile.  We now enjoy longer life spans and educational attainment goals, so the idea of girls marrying so young is ludicrous (not to mention, illegal).

    Because we are told to ignore our basic instincts, we expect evolved men to do the same.

    In any case, it’s up to the individuals in the relationship to decide what makes them happy.  Notice that I didn’t quantify that with “two individuals.”  I’ve met some pretty nice, well-adjusted, happy folks in poly-amorous situations as well.

    3 users liked this post:
    #205696

    Agreed with the above. I used the phrasing “two people ” because the OP indicated this to be the situation for her.

    I have a very good friend who is into bdsm ….she and her partner have rules that play partners dont count as infidelity but a romantic liaison would.. its all up to the individual..

    We all know there’s no such thing as ” normal”

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by  cassandra.
    #205705

    I agree, cassandra: there is no such thing as normal anymore.

    All are different, all are great and all deserve respect: regardless of their sexual orientation and the suchlike.

    1 member liked this post:
    #205755

    Yes there is such a thing as ‘normal’. We have evolved past basic animal instincts, men and women alike. I am divorced, a fat and drunk husband is a darn good reason. I doubt he ever cheated on me anyway, that would require an erection.

    I suppose that female animals can’t be aware of where the male animal has been before. No woman with self esteem should have a man in her life bringing home whatever filth he’s been with the night before.

    Terri

    #205759

    Yes there is such a thing as ‘normal’. We have evolved past basic animal instincts, men and women alike. I am divorced, a fat and drunk husband is a darn good reason. I doubt he ever cheated on me anyway, that would require an erection.

    I suppose that female animals can’t be aware of where the male animal has been before. No woman with self esteem should have a man in her life bringing home whatever filth he’s been with the night before.

    Terri

     

    Dear Terri,  your pain and anger at your ex is obvious and Im sorry you still feel that way it must be awful and it sounds as if he too was  not a happy man. Hopefully now you can both move on and make what remains of your lives happy and contented ones.

    Normal is a broad word,   when we say ‘no such thing as normal’  I know I mean that to mean there is no ‘one size fits all’ answer to relationships , we do not all conform to narrow standards set by a margin of society anymore and thats ok.

    As long as the people in the relationship agree then its ‘normal ‘ for them.

    Just think 50 or so years ago your own situation would not have been classed as normal women were expected to remain married no matter what abuse they suffered and in some countries divorce is still not acceptable. Yet for you this is your version of ‘normal’ and  we all accept that, so it would be nice if you could be the same for others who may not confrom to your ideals.

     

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 4 days ago by  cassandra.
    #205763

    I once expressed to an ex that i was somewhat interested in an open relationship and he was against it and certain that he wanted a relationship exclusive to 2 people – i think thats the type of relationship he wanted or rather the guy didn’t know what he wanted since we had this conversation right after i found out about his cheating shenanigans. We stayed together after that conversation , staying loyal wasn’t hard for me  but boy oh boy he went on to be sexually active with 2 other girls…mind you I’m actually open minded and would definitely try a threesome or an open relationship. So this guy demanded loyalty that he couldn’t give. He failed at defining a ‘normal’ that he believes in but rather let society define it for him but was unable to stick to it. I guess lets just say if you want exclusivity then you’ll have a rough time finding it in this day and age. But i do wonder how people in open relationships or allow a cheating partner do it…although I’m open to trying out an open relationship i think i would suck at it because i don’t like sharing and i definitely get jealous easily

    1 member liked this post:
    #205764

    But staying loyal seems to be easier for most women than men i suppose

    2 users liked this post:
    #205778

    Cassandra,

    I no longer harbor pain nor anger. I’m quite content with my current dating life. Sorry I brought up my past as it really had nothing to do with the subject at hand. This post is about men able to remain monogamous. Just asking that question, questioning fidelity, gives them the excuse to cheat on their wife or girlfriend like it’s against nature and guys have no free will. A man can remain happy and faithful if he choses to be so, now days or 50 years ago. I can’t see that a couple promising to be faithful to each other can be considered as ‘narrow standards’.

    OK, if you all accept that men will cheat on you because they can’t help it. Are you also hooking up as well? What a societal mess. Children unsure of who’s their Daddy? I have more self esteem about myself and my body than to put up with a cheating partner.

    Terri

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 3 days ago by  Terrihoney.
    1 member liked this post:
    #205780

    Just as you shouldn’t mistake someone’s kindness as weakness, you shouldn’t assume that women who take things in stride have no self esteem.

    The husband of someone I know is into BDSM, but she isn’t.  She tried to play along, but found that she couldn’t be the domme to his sub.  So, he gets his “fix” elsewhere.  She is one of the most self-assured people I know.

    I also doubt that Hillary or Melania have self-esteem issues.

    2 users liked this post:
    #205804

    Just to add: women can cheat, too. It isn’t always the man who does the dirty. It does feel like tarring men with the same brush. Of course, there ARE many men who cheat. But there are just as many women who do, too.

    I don’t mean to be blunt and I certainly am not being rude or judgemental of anyone’s opinions. I just feel the need to add what I think to be true.

    3 users liked this post:
    #206010

    Hi I think once the trust has gone the relationship is over, my guy did it to me and I would not take him back.

    1 member liked this post:
    #206020

    I think you’re right in your approach, mikki: I wouldn’t take the person back, either. It wouldn’t be right to give someone liberties like that. Sometimes – I assume – the person just plays the same tricks, over and over again. Although not always! I would never tar someone with the same brush.

    Still, you’ve got the right way of looking at things. I’d do the same and end the relattionship for good.

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