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Just how hard is it for guys to be monogamous?

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    I agree that we have evolved as higher animal’s and we are above that.   A relationship between a Man and a Women is meant to be Monogamous.  You can look at it from a religious aspect or just as a socially accepted norm that we have come to expect as a society.   OP wrote that some of these women are willing to turn a blind eye and accept that their man cheats.   Being a woman who had a man cheat on me more than once, I forgave him and he did it again.   I felt betrayed and foolish and it ultimately ended our marriage.


    I actually heard a neuroscientist talk about this exact topic some time ago, and she said that men are biologically wired to wanna spread their genes as much as possible, which seems to support the “myth” that they are more likely to be unfaithful than women.

    However, she also added that there is a benefit in forming monogamous relationships, since this makes it easier for the parents to take care of their children, and thus men have also developed those traits as well.



    Just to add an other little detail some like more  than just a few being poly and what that includes  i had to learn some about it and to me is more about sex , the men dont wont children thats a no no to them its total all about sex and nothing else matter,s at all ,

    i know whats going on with one guy and his friends and i have many contacts and on a forum i can read about the matter of what men like concerning being poly , what i did find was very few women were interested wonder  why, in most case,s i know about and this covers a very large section of people in other groups it is the men who wont their partners to be open minded and be part of , and really the men see a sexy woman and wont to be with her,or a 3some and more.

    Any way i dont need to worry  men dont see me , to them i dont exist so i wont be asked .so far as it is never been asked by a guy out in  lets see from age 24 till now and i,m 72  flip allmost 73,  oh ….and yes the age is one factor and being sexy is the other in how do i discribe being sexy – experanced knowing what to  do how to please a guy sexually and i quess theres more i know nothing about, too naive,



    I think it is mainly down to hormones. Look through nature. In many animal packs the male has a surrounding of females which he guards jealously. Having many women makes a man feel like he is a successful lover. Although our society is against it, it is natural in the animal kingdom for the stronger dominant male to be more successful in propagating the species. It does get a bit more complicated at time though as, with some animals, the female is essentially more dominant, using the male to some extent. It’s not all one sided. In our society all things are found!


    I can see what you’re all saying – and I am sure the science is accurate – but I don’t like to tar all men with the same brush. Not all men cheat and cheating happens via the female as well. Of course you all know this, but I feel that not all men cheat. There are many men that do, but that is because of who they are personally, rather than because of their gender. I know women who’ve cheated: and believe me they can be equally as conniving and sneaky. Men are often decent and honest people – but because of the cheating minority – it is assumed they’ll cheat themselves. It isn’t right or fair to brand all men in the same way. For instance, not all women are terrible drivers: men can be, too!


    Please remember there ARE great guys out there that don’t cheat. I have known so many decent men. And they’d never hit a woman or try to control a woman. Because not all men cheat and not all men are bas*ards. There are a fair few that are, but don’t tar all men with the same brush: and give any guy in your life a chance.

    I write this because I know a great guy called Nick. He is utterly decent and never abusive and never one to betray. I would NEVER tar Nick with such a brush. Because that would be deeply unfair on him and would make me miserable and jealous every time he so much as looked at another woman. I trust Nick and know there are so many decent men out there: you just need to open your own eyes.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by KitKatKitty.

    I think most of us are balanced and confident enough to understand that we dont need to put every relationship into the same box or tar all men with the same brush .

    However there are still those and I know a few who got their fingers burnt once and think all men are scum.

    Its sad because they come across as pathetic bitter women and as much as they need love they are unlikely to find it with the attitude they hold..

    We need to accept that love and relationships come in all sorts of shapes and varitety and none of them are wrong as long as they are between consenting adults who all agree on the rules within their own bounderies.



    What about the promise these couples made to God to forsake all others? This should not be lightly regarded.  Some day there will be an accounting.


    You’re right, Rhonda333: when someone makes a vow to god and their newlywed wife: that is a committment. It is a vow, which means it should never be broken. But – as we know – there are always people who break their vows. Perhaps they never realized what they were saying at their wedding: in that they didn’t take their vows seriously enough. I am not a catholic or someone who preaches the bible, however. I am not one of those against divorce: divorce can actually be for the best in many situations. But cheating is still obviously wrong. But – again – not all men cheat. It can often be the wife that breaks her marriage vows. Even women can cheat and be sneaky. And it IS utterly wrong: male or female. But it happens.


    [quote quote=214225]What about the promise these couples made to God to forsake all others? This should not be lightly regarded. Some day there will be an accounting.


    if they make that promise to God then it’s god that needs to do the judgement not us.

    There are many reasons why people cheat it’s not for us to tar everyone with the same brush.

    I’ve never had a problem with monogamy but that’s just me. Others might have other ideas..


    I think it does differ with different people and situations. One way I quite often look at things is in the extreme. For instance, I would never begrudge anyone living with a situation in which they were, say marooned, with a strange partner on a desert island and had to make the best of it. Take it to the other extreme – some widowed partners live out the rest of their lives being lonely and grieving perhaps because they feel they have to. God does not really come into this. It is really someone’s inner morals and feelings. It’s hard for everyone to be happy but we need to work toward it.


    [quote quote=214279]God does not really come into this. It is really someone’s inner morals and feelings.[/quote]
    I have to agree with this. I can understand the belief and respect for god, but it is more to do with someone’s inner morals and feelings.


    Kat .Who do you think put those inner morals and feeling there?


    oh please it’s not some divine intervention this is social conditioning at it’s best we are brought up to believe in certain things they are imprinted by society the mores and the norms of the society that surrounds us.

    you only have to go to a society where polygamy is quite normal to understand the our society’s rules and regulations are not divine intervention.



    Still people debate ‘Darwin’ and ‘On the Origin of Species’





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