Ladies, please advise

This topic contains 8 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of carolinewarren carolinewarren 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #128328

    This situation is killing me. Me and my husband went for a picnic on 4th of july. He invited his brother and a friend. I invited my gf. We were going to do BBQ. After we arrived and started the “process” I found that i was so stupid and gorgot some stuff as plastic plates and foil for hookah. I know that that was so stupid but we didint plan our shopping, everything was kinda suddenly.. I bought almost everything for our picnic but I dont even know why everything became on me…I bought drinks, meat, coals, took care of other stuff. Everybody brought to a picnic big nothing. And then got bothered when my brother -in -law started asking where is meat? he said i forgot it. Meat was just in front of him,,, they he asked where is the foil. i said “well i think i forgot it.” he replied that i didnt prepare “stuff” and wont get anything today. I got confused but didnt say anything. Then they saw there are no plates (yes i forgot it as well), and then nobody had a lighter and i had to go to look for a lighter. At the end husband’s brother asked me for one more thing and I couldnt stand any more. I did trow the veggies that i had in my hand very emotionally and walked away crying. I was pissed a lot, because the way his brother was talking to me, like i am nothing and he is bothered by me a lot.  Then my husband was running after me screaming. I set in a car. Through a window he put his hands on my face and was shutting my mouth up, I was telling him to put away his hands from my face. He screamed on me saying that i disrespected his brother and messed up the holiday. His other friend stopped him. My husband trow the keys of my car in grass and left. I was pissed, i was crying. I left the car and walked away. I needed to relax. Then I saw his brother. He wanted to say something but i was so emotional of what happened and said that I dont want to talk to him. He said Im crazy, Im fucked up, that I dont know how to respect and he trow the key of my car(again) to my legs. i was trying to talk to him and explain that it os not fair and he said he doesn’t wanna talk. All this time my gf looked so shocked. And i feel involved in such a cheap drama which does not have any sense. I dont know how to react on this..Me and my husband dont talk for a week. Please help me with advise. Maybe I need a doctor?? What kind of hell happened there?

    #128457

    Plainly speaking, you got a very strong indication from your husband of his level of respect for you. It is rock bottom. I am certain that this is not an isolated incident, and it is time for you to walk away from this man who is abusing you. For that is exactly what is going on, you are being mentally abused.

    Walk away and do not look back.

    Perhaps in time, you can re-negotiate your relationship and a second try, but for now, you are too much under his control and you need to leave.

    Sorry.

    #128479

    This ‘Showing of respect’ for someone is much abused around many social groups! Your husband is likely much embarrassed that things didn’t go as perfect as he wished, but he couldn’t cope with it and was, at the very least, very disrespectful to you in the real use of the term.

    To me it seems like a very risky situation. Whatever you do, be careful. The time has come for a cool head.

    If this sort of thing happens often then you are probably better without him, but opening the communication with something like ‘what happened?’ and keeping things calm and open may lead to a compromise. If he is still agressive, or blames you without trying to understand then, I’m sorry to have to say, that I feel you really have a poor future together.

    #128711

    So sorry you are going through this. It is a tough situation and you can only decide for yourself what is right. I think he was very wrong on many levels and should be happy that you made the effort when no one else did. Do these type of situations happen regularly?

    #128773

    Kiwi, some crazy weir stuff happen from time to time. Sometimes after that we don’t talk for weeks.. And now we have not spoken since 4th of july. I love him a lot, but  don’t wanna start conversation because I feel so bad and lost and I would really want him to talk to me but looks like he does not care at all. confused

    #128952

    It is confusing. I would not be able to live with someone who doesn’t talk to me or treat me the way you described.

    You have the power to do what is right for you and it sounds like you aren’t happy about it either but it has become your norm?

    Have you thought about taking a break from your relationship? Maybe go stay with a friend? Have you thought about making arrangements to seek counseling with your partner or without?

    #129268

    I don’t think your love is enough to change him. It is also very difficult to compromise with someone whose behaviour has risen to that level. All the talking in the world won’t stop him. Once you realise this you’ll be able to walk away and move on. You deserve the best in life: not your husband’s violence. Being nice and understanding won’t help change him. You have many decisions to make. You deserve more.

    #131753

    Ok f him, leave. Its only going to get worse and this aint the first time hes pulled crap like this. He dosnt have a problem with putting his hands on you and will keeping pushing more in the future.

    Go to a friends house. Exit. Seperate for awhile. If you can get away make sure its not a place where he knows where you are and work this out from a distance. If there is anything left to hold on too.

    This type of things almost end up badly. Yes he is mentaly abusive and starting to become physicaly abusive as well. Ok maybe its isnt bad yet but what im saing is its going in that direction. Why wait till it happens.

    If you cant get out and this is the case in like 80% of these problems then you need someone in the middle so you can have a level playing field. Like a brother or some dude you know that wouldnt have a problem dropping your husband if things got out of hand. Just see it as insurance.

    But the safe bet is to leave. I would work on that. He thought you were hot and liked you. Someone else will too.

    Figure this out, and have a good day.

    #137541

    Actually, this isn’t so big issue that has been created. But this happens many times where everyone refuses to accept their mistakes. This issue is not so big that you both are not talking for a week. I think you both are in the ego, which is very normal. why you need doctor? I think you should talk to your husband say him sorry though you feel it was not your mistake and later tell him that you got hurt. I know him while understand you. More on you can take consult from a voyante sérieuse as they can help you with better advices to overcome this situation.

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