Living by default or on on purpose?

Female Forum Forums General Discussion General Chat Living by default or on on purpose?

This topic contains 9 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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    Hi Ladies

    I signed up a couple of days ago and decided I should take the plunge and make a contribution! So rather than just say hi, I thought I’d relay a conversation I just had with someone in the hope that it enhances your day?


    Ask yourself the question: How do you live: by default or with purpose? There’s a world of difference between the two, but how often do we take the time to consider?

    When you live by default you accept increasing levels of stagnation, compromise and just chalk this up as ‘normal’. You don’t question. You adapt. We’re very good at this because it’s so easy to do.

    But when you live on purpose you set yourself higher standards. You are willing to experience discomfort, to hold yourself to account. This takes resolve.

    It all begins with managing your mind. Because what you think determines how you feel. And how you feel determines what action (or inaction!) you take. So if you have the thought: “It’s useless for me to try to lose weight/get a better job/etc. as I’ve never succeeded before” you’ll end up feeling deflated before you even start and take no action as it hasn’t worked before! The result? The weight is still on/the job nowhere in sight. You have proven your thought to be true.

    If, on the other hand, you think “I’m willing to believe I will succeed at losing weight/getting a job this time,” this will inspire feelings of motivation/desire/resolve so you are willing to start taking the action needed to succeed. And it all started with your thought.

    I think it’s so cool to know that by managing our thoughts we manage our life. Especially at times like now when the outside world can seem a little freaky.

    1 member liked this post:

    Hi there …

    Indeed something different than the standard hello..

    I like what you say but I have to disagree on some points

    Being able to adapt to things that are thrown at us shows a flexability in our mindset and our wider vision.

    Sometimes refusing to accept the inevitable is just pointless eg; I can refuse to accept I will one day grown old and die I can try all the positive ways I want but it is inevitable so I have to say how will I make my journey as interesting as possble?


    Personally I like to plan. OH and I had a plan when we married 39years ago. We stuck to it on the major points and we adjusted/accepted  the things that we couldnt change.

    I agree that with no goal you are sure to achive nothing. But the goal has to be realistic there is no point telling a blind man he can be a pilot is there?

    My OH has a life limiting illness which means the goals and plans we had have had to change. No point trying to stick to them it isnt going to happen but what we can do is accept the illness and yet plan ways to work within it,  work around it, and work to avoid it being in control. We have adapted to give our life meaning and pleasure and theres nothing wrong in that.

    I dont think everyone has to be a high achiever , nor do we all have to be suffering to attain some lofty goal but it is worthwhile setting achievable targets and setting some standards for yourself.

    My father never let me say ‘I cant’,when faced with a task  because he said no one ever got it right first time and no one got anything done by sitting on their hands saying they couldnt do it,  so if after trying and doing your very best something still didnt work there was no shame but giving up before even trying was not an option.
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    • This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  cassandra.
    1 member liked this post:

    I agree with your points, cassandra. As your example says there is no point telling a blind man he can be a pilot: goals have to be realistic. I also think it can be defeatest to accept our lot in life or the suchlike. I do think there are times when we have to accept discomfort to achieve our goals. For instance, if I want my doctor to treat any illness and prescribe medication, I have to accept I’ll need a blood test. Or if I want that job, I have to accept I’ll be up against however many 100’s or 1000’s of people. I also think we tend to think what we know from childhood: from learnt behaviour. Like if someone’s mother had the attitude of “Others are lucky, but I’m not” there is the possibility their son/daughter could feel the same about themselves in adulthood.

    A thought provoking post.

    1 member liked this post:

    … the great thing with this is that your question, cassandra, as to how can you can make the journey more interesting is another way of living on purpose!

    Happy sunny Saturday

    1 member liked this post:

    Throughout history, beings have had to adapt to changing times, much like what we are doing now to fight COVID-19.  I’ve seen it in my lifetime with the invention of the PC.  The typing pool is no more.  Secretaries went from typewriters to word processors to PCs.  Those who couldn’t or wouldn’t adapt were out of jobs.

    I see it now with coal miners here in the USA.  Their parents are coal miners, their grandparents were coal miners…and dagnabbit, they’re gonna be coal miners, too!  Never mind the fact that we’re moving to cleaner, reusable energy.  These people were offered retraining programs under the previous administration, yet they refused it and held out because Trump promised to bring coal mining back.  Never mind the fact that automation will wipe out most of these jobs.  Their refusal to adapt to a changing energy industry will be at the root of their demise, not the loss of coal mining itself.

    So, never say that adaptation is a bad thing.  Evolution…adapt or die.

    3 users liked this post:

    It was very close to my part of the world where a good part of the British mining industry met it’s match. Even though I know it was many years ago it would be like waving a red rag to a bull to wear a ‘I love Maggie’ badge in some areas. An invitation to a vist to A & E as some communities still hate. It seemed almost amusing with Trump’s pledge to the miners. I suspect that the differences in government over there with more state autonomy may complicate matters but, to us over here, the feeling of ‘been there, done that’ would be giving a big sense of deja vous  and how long before backtrack and demise. My only direct experience has been with someone I worked with who did work down the mines. He is worried at the moment with the virus as he has COPD directly from his mining experience. He left mining when the mines closed and, in time, got a good job in healthcare. I think that Maggie effectively saved his life but I would probably never dare say that to him. They adapted because they had to but they are still sore.


    My view is that Trump is nuts, sorry for those people who like him. His attitude to women alone is enough to condemn him. He promises things that the masses like but always backtracks when his advisers or reality prove to him he is wrong. However did he get elected !!!


    My son works in IT, for the last 15 years he has had a wonderful job travelling the world briefing IT teams and providing training and support for the company. He has seen almost all of Europe and he has seen a lot of the US. This year he was supposed to go to China and India.

    Since the crisis he has been doing all his work via video link and its working well. He says himself its crazy that an IT company were still sending him in person to do a job which could be done by video link but he has really enjoyed the travel. He says this crisis will have put an end to this as the company realises it doesnt actually need to send  him in person.

    They will adapt and his travels will come to an end hes sad but agrees he has had a lot of fun and great oppertunities during the last 15 years that he wouldnt have had otherwise..


    My view is that Trump is nuts, sorry for those people who like him. His attitude to women alone is enough to condemn him. He promises things that the masses like but always backtracks when his advisers or reality prove to him he is wrong. However did he get elected !!!

    He is an utter misogynist, who is kindly undoing decades of feminism, and diminishing females’ rights. Why any female would vote for him is beyond me. I feel sorry for American females!


    I won’t comment on what I feel about Donald Trump, but do realize everyone has their own opinion. I just hope he steps up and deals with the political situations he finds himself in.

    I would not swap places with him.

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