Looking for some advice

This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 3 years ago.

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  • #139587

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, we are both very happy.  In a couple of weeks time, his mum is coming to stay at mine for a couple of days.  I am dreading it.  Don’t get me wrong, she’s a lovely person but there is a but.  She is a very strict catholic.  I consider myself non-religious and do not believe in anything (and I’ve known this about myself since I was very young).  I have always respected her in her home and respect her when she says grace etc in her home but I’m dreading that she will not respect me in mine.  I’m a very tolerant person but I do not appreciate religion being pushed on to a non-believer.  As we are so early on in our relationship, I don’t want either of us to be offended but I do think we should respect one another’s boundaries as well.  My boyfriend has a very close relationship with his mum so it makes it quite difficult.  Should I have a word with my boyfriend before she arrives or should I just bite my tongue and live and let live?

    #139601

    That sounds complicated. Is your friend a little bit religious too? Ever thought of upcoming problems like getting marriage or not, baptizing future kids and so on …

    For now I would bite my tongue if it doesn’t get to much for you. Good luck and don’t worry too much about it.

    #139702

    Thanks Samantha.  I think you’re right, I should probably bite my tongue.  It just scares me that she will try and push religion on me later.  Sadly, my stance on religion will never change as I made my mind up on it a long time ago.  I find it very restrictive and oppressive.

    He was brought up with it, would still identify as being of that faith but does not attend church.  He doesn’t really speak about it and I never push it.  I have thought about future things like marriage and children.  For me, a marriage should be about compromise and I couldn’t have a strictly religious ceremony as I feel I would be lying to myself… I have looked into the idea of interfaith ceremonies though.  As for having children, I would rather bring them up as I was, to value other people and treat others as they would like to be treated themselves.  As for religion, I would rather let them decide that for themselves.  If they chose a religious path that is fine, if they don’t, that is fine too.  I’ve never actually spoken to my partner about this but it is something that worries me.  As for baptising, I’m really against the idea as it means you’re committed to bringing them up of that faith – that is something I could not do – again, I’d be lying to myself and a church… It is something i never thought I’d have to deal with too so its all very new to me.

    Thanks so much for your kind words 🙂

    • This reply was modified 3 years ago by  sunflower1.
    #139736

    I agree with Samantha. As you have already mentioned that you are not religious to my boyfriend, he should be aware to some extent. You will be able to make good use of the couple of days to get to know his mother, knowing that it is only for a short time. You will likely learn quite a bit.

    For the future, I would think there is a lot to think about, and it is good to put yourself in other’s shoes. I was christened but it does not make me religious, but if I grew up wanting to be, it would be a foundation to look back on. Don’t forget that children cannot decide, but if such things have little meaning for you, why the problem? In our family, we were brought up with religion, but more with christian values rather than any strict faith or customs. At some point the subject will come up, but a steady coming together with mutual respect will help.

    Look forward to the visit. You may be surprised, but whatever happens, you will learn!

    I hope things go well x

     

    #139739

    It surely is quite a weird situation and I imagine you may not feel comfortable with it. I guess it’s better to avoid talking about religion to your boyfriend’s mother. It’s an extremely delicate matter and it’s way too easy to be misunderstood. Good luck!

    #140146

    I agree with MissKat: certainly avoid discussing religion with her. Just keep things light and flatter her subtly. As it’s your first meeting, I’d just avoid sharing your opinions. That is obvious advice, but I think it’s valid advice. Don’t pretend to be her best friend at this time, but be yourself and try not to worry about her being religious. At the end of the day, she is what she is and nothing will change it. So I would just try to keep things painless. I can’t think of what else to advise, but I do hope I’ve helped.

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