August 21, 2018 at 5:05 pm #195834
Well I’ve spoken before about how I was in a nine-year abusive relationship that I got out of last year. I gave him what money I had saved up and he went back to Canada, and since then I know he’s basically gone through all my money and now he’s living on welfare and he’s rooming with different people, he once asked my cousin if he could stay with her and she denied him.
He called me on Saturday, he must have gotten a new phone because I didn’t recognize his number. His area code is from Toronto so I thought maybe it was someone in my extended family, who live out near there. His voice was cracking up, he told me he’s changed and he wants to come back and have another chance. When I told him I’m engaged to be married, he got really angry, he called me a liar and said I’m making that up, and he called me a lot of other worse things as well. Needless to say my phone call didn’t go well at all.
I’ve been pretty shaken up for days, I’m not really sure what to do. I’ve been looking into getting a Personal Protection Order, I was hoping that might even stop him from crossing the border, but when I’ve done like exploratory legal contacting I’ve been told it’s complicated because he lives outside the United States and I don’t know his address, because well he doesn’t really have one. I’m trying to look online to see if my local police stations offer self defense classes, and I’ve been seriously thinking of asking my fiance if he’d move in with me before we get married (I haven’t told him yet about my phone call on Saturday). He works about 45 minutes away so he might have to look for a job at a hospital closer to my home.
I was seriously hoping I would never hear from this guy again. 🙁August 21, 2018 at 5:31 pm #195836
I think you’re doing all the right things. You definitely don’t want this guy back in your life, even as an acquaintance. The fact that he asked for a second chance, then immediately resorted to name calling when he was denied says it all. He certainly hasn’t changed.
Please stay safe, and all the best!August 21, 2018 at 5:40 pm #195839August 22, 2018 at 7:17 am #195849
It sounds like you are doing the right things, but I would suggest not getting into any kind of discussion with him at all. If there is any kind of message left on voicemail etc. make a recording of it for possible evidence for a protection order. It does sound like he is just trying to freeload, and has got toward the bottom of the barrel so I trying last resorts. A firm NO will likely deter him, particularly if he has no other people he knows where you are. Good luck!August 22, 2018 at 7:44 am #195856
i would definitely ask my boyfriend to move in and explain circumstances so he can help you. i definitely would not suggest you buy a gun as murder is not a solution to anything and illegal in canada i believe. you probably can’t get a restraining order without some hard evidence that he threatened you. carrying a gun will insure violent payback. i know usa people are gun crazy but a pitiful solution to any problem.August 22, 2018 at 12:11 pm #195872
Thank you all for your support, I’ve been shaken up for days because of this. Thank you kindly for the suggestion, but I really don’t feel a gun is right for me. At least I know his new number so I can ignore it, and sadly I think I’m going to have to be careful of any calls from Ontario and let them go to my voicemail.
In Michigan you can get a Personal Protection Order if you’ve been in a domestic relationship before; we were romantically involved and he also lived with me, so it’ll be easier than a restraining order like if you have a stalker. At least there’s something set up for people in my position, I’m glad for that. My complications are coming in where he lives outside the United States and I don’t have his address (technically I guess he’s homeless right now).
He’s not a very brave person, my biggest concern is he might be getting desperate.
Thank you all kindly again.August 22, 2018 at 1:15 pm #195885
No wonder you were shaken up. You’re right about not using a gun: for obvious issues. Also, just record any messages you get from him, in case of needing a protection order.
Just stay strong and you’ll be safe. He certainly hasn’t changed, though. Talk to your fiance and you’ll be fine. I am sure he’ll support you in case of a situation arising. But that may well not happen, so don’t be too afraid.
1 member liked this post:August 24, 2018 at 6:14 am #195947
you are right about him getting brave and coming after you out of spite. can you get personal protection order with information you currently possess? make sure your living arrangements provide you with adequate timely protection in an emergency like a home invasion by your ex.
very happy you will avoid getting a gun as would be useless in hands of an amateur.