My mind tells me something but I listened to my heart

Female Forum Forums Category Related Discussion Love & Relationships My mind tells me something but I listened to my heart

This topic contains 16 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 1 year, 9 months ago.

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    I know it sounds cheesy but it’s the best to describe what I’m feeling. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago because I have trust issues and I initiated fights constantly. We’ve been  still fighting even though we were not together. After we fight I get mad and scream my heart out to him by phone and when he hangs up by text. I tell him I don’t want to communicate anymore, delete all call and messages from my phone and decide not to call him. But then when I stop communicating he starts texting or he calls. When I’m mad, I try to convince myself that I’m better off without him but then he calls I quickly forget. He always breaks down that wall that I try building up. I see all the signs that I’m heading towards the wrong direction but I choose to ignore it. I called today and I asked if he still loves me and he said “yes, of course I still do” and then I said I wanted to see him today, so I waited till he said I could come over. I got there and was not mean but was cold. We talked over the shows we were watching on tv but nothing else. Well I was there for 2 hrs and then I said I was leaving. I asked if he was going to say anything, he said “what about “ and i I replied “you know why I am here. He said nothing, I got close so I could kiss him and we kissed and then we had sex. I told him that I love him but didn’t say anything back. We showered, I got dressed and he asked “what are you going to do”, so I said that I was leaving and he said he was going to go to bed. I asked what he wanted to do with us and he replied that he didn’t know that he just wanted to let things flow. I kissed him, told him that I love him and came home. I feel kinda stupid! I went over to fix things and I came home thinking how I didn’t fixed anything I just had sex. What if tomorrow he doesn’t call or text? I move 2 steps forward and then I have to go  back 10. I love the idea of us going back to the happy times but realistically things are probably way past done between us. Why is it that I could forget and forgive so easily and he can’t? If we both love each other why can’t we both fight to fix the little that it’s left? Or am I the one pushing him to be around me? I think it’s the last but why am I sabotaging my feelings, myself and what it is left of my dignity?


    It sounds like you both need a complete break from this. A holiday would be good. You see the issues, but are afraid of letting go. You need something else to occupy your mind while you do.

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    I would really like to be able to go away for a while and not let anyone know where I’m going to be. But I can’t and just have to deal with this emotional roller coaster.


    You’re in a difficult situation. You love your boyfriend but don’t trust him. The main way to salvage your relationship is to deal with your jealousy: because all that you are doing is pushing him away. He’ll have sex with you, but won’t commit. This sounds terrible, but your jealousy stems from your insecurities. Maybe some part of you tries to gain control of this by being aggressive with your boyfriend. But, in fact, you’re pushing him away and giving yourself reason to be jealous. The only way to keep him is to learn to handle your jealousy without hurting him emotionally.

    Again, I know this sounds terrible but that is how I see it.

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    Kitkatkiddy you’re right, I always felt that I am insecure, There’s a lot about me that I don’t like. There’s also the fact that when something is bothering, I can’t keep quiet. But also I know how to distinguish when I am right and when I’m not. It’s not normal to have your boyfriend receiving text messages from 3 different lady friends or that we would go out to a bar and all of the sudden he is leaves my side and he will be talking to other woman. I don’t know if I’m wrong but I never had that happen to me with anyone I’ve dated. Most guys will say hi, how are you doing and not pay too much attention to other women because would not want to upset the woman they are dating. I had really bad experiences that I’ve been cheated and of course I’m afraid to get hurt but I want to be happy and when things are normal I’m just fine.


    It is definitely not your fault when your boyfriend goes to the bar and leaves your side to talk to another woman: that is definitely going to make you upset, annoyed and just plain angry. That is incredibly rude of him. Who wouldn’t feel the way you do? And receiving text messages from other women? You are right to be downright angry. You should definitely tell him – as you’ve tried – that it’s simply not on. If he won’t change – and I fear he won’t – then I would have to wonder where the relationship is heading. He sounds like a player, deyla2324. That behaviour is not normal for a healthy relationship. He doesn’t seem to worry about you sticking around, does he? To be blunt, I would walk away from this man. He is a player and won’t change. I know I haven’t met him, but your posts make who he is clear. I did say your jealousy would push him away, but from reading your post, you’ve every reason to be jealous. I think – again – that this relationship is toxic and you deserve better.

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    Thank you so much! I talked to him about it a lot of times and I told him that he was too friendly with other women and that I didn’t like it. Even one time we went out with a couple that are friends with him and it happened. And I asked his friend if she considered that he was wrong and she did say that one thing was to say hi and another was to leave my side. And I was really nice when we talked about it. I had asked repeatedly to stop contacting, that if he didn’t want to be with me, I felt that I couldn’t be his friend because I genuinely have feelings for him. When I stopped calling and texting, he would contact me. So, 2 days ago I blocked him. I don’t feel that he did have feelings for me at all. I don’t think that he ever stopped communicating with his “girlfriends”, he just probably did when he was not around me. That makes sense when thinking about the 3 text from 3 different women. Also he is off work when I’m on, so he could basically do whatever because he knew I would not leave or call when I am at work. That’s probably the reason why he was so reluctant to answer every time I asked what he did while I was at work. We had a pretty messed up relationship! I just put up with a lot. He was disrespectful to me by the way he talked to me and his actions and I would have forgave him over and over. I don’t even understand why I fell for him the way I did. I should be glad to be off that relationship because things would have gotten worse with time. I still miss him terribly and I think a lot about him but  hopefully I will start to feel better soon. I still haven’t blocked him on fb and I still go through his profile, I did unfriended him. I know I should not do this because it’s not healthy. All I see is how he adds people to his page. It’ Just I have a little bit of him and he doesn’t know I do this. I hope I get the strength to block him there too!!!


    I suppose you were attracted to him because he is attractive and could be very charming? But he is a player and no amount of trying to reason with him will work. You could’ve asked him to act right until you were blue in the face, but it wouldn’t change him. I’m glad you’ve blocked him. Not to sound like a granny, but you are still young and will be wiser one-day. Yes: he’s attractive, but he is also a “bad boy”. He doesn’t want a serious relationship where he has to answer to his girlfriend. Of course, I do not know this for sure, but it is a guess on my part. He just wants some fun, probably.

    I wouldn’t waste anymore time on him.

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    Well I liked him because of the way he treated me when we started talking and then dating. But he is like a 150 lbs overweight and he has to be the center of attention. My family didn’t like him much. He is the first person I dated that I was not attracted to. Little did I know that I was being played all along. Well things happen and life goes on and one day he would be buried very deep in my thoughts. I don’t believe I have ever been so disappointed on an ex as I am now. .. A friend of my brother asked about him because he hasn’t seen his car on my driveway anymore and I said he had broken up with me, then he asked why I looked so sad? When I didn’t answer he said that I should not feel like that, he should have been grateful you gave him a chance. All along you were too good for him! Even though I blocked him, last Friday he came to my job and we argued there, later that night I sent a message asking him that if he ever considered himself a good person to please let go of me and not hurt me anymore. That was the last time we communicated. I feel I got some type of closure by being able to tell him how I felt in person. I still think a lot about him but I do not longer want anything to do with him.  The charm is broken and I just look forward to the day I don’t think about him anymore.


    Breakups are incredibly hard on a person. I have had recent experience of this myself. It hurts and you just wish you didn’t think about the person anymore. I can understand your grief. You did care for him and you did put love and effort into the relationship. The fact it wasn’t enough makes it all the more heartbreaking. Just take it one day at a time and your grief will ease. But you’re not alone: you have your friends and family. They can’t make it better, but they can support you.

    I can understand your heartbreak very well.


    Thank you so much for your words! For years I do not trust to have anyone as a friend. About 10 years ago my best friend became involved with my ex husband. Now it’s just hard to get close to anyone, so I just keep to myself. I feel lonely, and sometimes it’s hard for you to talk to your problems with your family. I could even tell that they get annoyed when I talk about him. That’s why I looked for support here. There are things that I can’t tell my family and they will never put themselves in my shoes. I always been a sad person, just been through a lot, rough childhood, I married young and even though we were together for 15 years and we tried we separated 8 years ago. Since then I have been on relationships and every time you feel this is it, everything comes crashing down. I always try to see the good in people and I am really tired of that, it’s taken me a toll on me. I’m tired of being hurt and being hopeful! I felt so good yesterday today I communicated with him, I just missed him so much. When my daughter left home for college it didn’t affect me so much because he was there for me, now that he is not here, I just feel so lonely. I don’t know why I feel like this we were together for just 5 months, though we started talking 8 months ago. I miss receiving his texts during the day, waking up to one. I’m fine for a couple of days and then I’m back here. Don’t know why, it sucks!


    Being single again is terribly hard: you’re not alone with your feelings. Perhaps you miss being in a relationship, rather than the actual relationship itself. You were unhappy with him, but you still had a partner. Being alone is hard after being with someone. I know this myself. But you WILL meet someone new: and you’ll be so much happier. Your chance of meeting someone new hasn’t gone: you’re still fairly young and – old granny alert – you have your whole life ahead of you. I promise you will meet someone. But you’ve still got your family & friends. You can still live your life and find yourself. Learn to be happy alone and a person will come along, loving your zest for life and your love of yourself. You can learn to feel good about yourself again: without needing a validation from a controlling partner.

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    Kitkatkitty you’re right I miss being in a relationship. I just have to learn to be alone and do things that make me happy. In time the right person will come. We were not right for each other and I now know he didn’t have any feelings for me, so why would I want to be with someone who couldn’t give me back what I gave.  Thank you so much for your support!


    I’m only too happy to be supportive. I lost a good friend recently [he moved away: long story] and it still upsets me. I miss him terribly. It is heartbreaking and you are not alone with this. You obviously respect yourself and know not to settle for someone you’re incompatible with. There is the right person out there for you, as I said in my previous post. Just live your life and you’ll fall in love with the right man.

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    How are you now, deyla2324? I hope you’re pulling through. Do remember you’re not alone: you’ve got your family and friends around you.

    Take care, lovely.

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