May 7, 2011 at 1:43 am #7972
Hi all, I’m in a bit of a predicament, without using up to much space to explain reasons for, I’ll just pose what my situation is. My girlfriend and I mess around about twice a week. Usually, she does not remove her pants or underwear when we do so, making it extremely difficult for me to get her to orgasm. She’s usually wearing thin sweatpants and either a thong or no panties, so it’s not as bad as it would be if it were jeans but its still hard for me to do. What is the best way for me to get her to orgasm with this set of circumstances? Remember, this means I can not take her sweatpants off at all, so im pretty much left with rubbing her clitoris with my fingers and penis and the such. What is the best technique for me to get her to orgasm with these circumstances, without being able to enter her in any way? Is there a technique I should use when rubbing her through her sweatpants? Thank you so much.May 7, 2011 at 1:40 pm #37305
First of all from a mans point of view take a step back and ask why she wont take stuff off, she may have some shyness or she may not just want to and is letting you rub her through them just to stop you complaining. Talk to her and ask her to honestly say why, if it is the latter then you may just be being a bit selfish, respect what she wants, she is a human being with feelings and not just a toy to play with.May 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm #37333
Is she saving herself to marriage? You need to ask her what she likes and is she just happy to make you happy?May 8, 2011 at 6:36 pm #37336
Yeah, straight off – there’s something slightly wrong there. If I may be so cheeky, can I ask how old you both are, and whether either of you has actually gone the full mile before?
If no, it’s likely to be a simple case of nerves. In which case you kind of need to talk about what you both want out of this relationship and whether you both feel ready to say bye to V. It could be that she’s not hugely comfortable about getting naked, which doesnt exactly help in that department, so I suggest that you work at making sure she feels completly comfotable around you.
If yes, well there could be a thousand reasons. Again it could be a poor self-esteem issue and that she doesnt feel comfortable undressed, so try and (being gentle about it) ask why this is. Earn her trust in small ways; make sure she feels important in your life, when you say you’ll be there: be there, be honest to both yourself and her, and above all else; show that you trust her in return.
In both cases, there could be something else. She could have a mistrust of people due to bad exes, abandonment via parents, an abusive influence (both past and/ or present). So be kind and understanding and earn her trust and make sure she knows she doesnt have to do anything if she’s uncomfortable. I mean, I dont have a great deal of experience in the sex department, but as I understand it being nervous/ uncomfortable or down right afraid kind of stops you from orgasmingOctober 29, 2011 at 3:57 am #42677
I totally agree with Papillio; climax really comes from a state of mind, not necessarily from one technique or another. If she isn’t there mentally, no amount or way of touching her would help you two.
And through both sweatpants and panties, rubbing can get scratchy and painful sometimes, anyway.December 7, 2011 at 1:05 am #43799
First it’s a bit weird that she wont take off pants or anything so try to see if you can get her to get undressed. She could just be shy because when me and my guy first started dating almost 2yrs ago, I was the exact same way.
Once you two have gotten past the “no clothes” part, be very gentle and start playing with her clit. You can not be rough with it though in anyway or your going to end up hurting her. Kiss her neck, gently run your fingers down her body, make her feel beautiful, if your the one doing the work, show your dominance. To me, dominance in a man is very sexy and more than attractive. Discover what she desires out of sexual activity, and fulfill her needs. That is how you will get her to orgasm.December 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm #43840
I think I replied to you before, then I got an email about a subscription to see what else someone said and now I come back and my post seem to be missing, not sure why. If you want some ideas, there is an advice blog with some sex tips you may enjoy. I’m not trying to sell you anything for force this down your throat, I just want to give you this suggestion becuase I have felt the same way in similar situations. Sometimes it’s hard to break out of the shell and step into the next level, but soon you both can ease your way into it.
I head about some of Sue Johansens’s sex shows, her advice is really good and it’s nice to hear from an expert on the topic. The woman actually went to university to study human sexuality so if you need a god, solid opinion, she would be your best bet. In fact I have heard your question on her show many times before. It’s quite common for sexual inadequacies. TV and movies portray sex like some perfect act but the truth is it’s awkward and not as smooth as they make it seem. If you essentially “lower” you standards and just make it about the sharing of love and not the actual act then it might help ease the tension and make the mood more suitable.August 15, 2014 at 10:02 pm #58868
Hi all, I’m in a bit of a predicament, without using up to much space to explain reasons for, I’ll just pose what my situation is. My girlfriend and I mess around about twice a week. Usually, she does not remove her pants or underwear when we do so, making it extremely difficult for me to get her to orgasm. She’s usually wearing thin sweatpants and either a thong or no panties, so it’s not as bad as it would be if it were jeans but its still hard for me to do. What is the best way for me to get her to orgasm with this set of circumstances? Remember, this means I can not take her sweatpants off at all, so im pretty much left with rubbing her clitoris with my fingers and penis and the such. What is the best technique for me to get her to orgasm with these circumstances, without being able to enter her in any way? Is there a technique I should use when rubbing her through her sweatpants? Thank you so much.
Hon, it’s not just what you do IN the bedroom but outside of it that counts. Women take longer to warm up they are not like men. All men need is a visual image and enough blood flow and they’re good to go. Women need not just foreplay, but pre-foreplay to get them in the mood: Watching a super romantic movie, taking a nice candlelit bath, or reading a good romance novel or erotica aloud. The biggest sex organ a woman has is her BRAIN. If you don’t do enough to stimulate it and get her to forget about the daily stresses, it won’t happen.
Have you thought about taking her to the adult shop? Some women have trouble reaching orgasm through manual stimulation alone and need a little battery operated help. You also have to remember that it takes women longer in general to get there. It can especially longer if your SO has just had a new baby or is perimenopausal or menopausal (Due to hormonal and physical changes down there). A good long lasting, water based lubricant like Astroglide might also be a good investment. No warming stuff though, it can irritate some gals.
Other than that, my advice to you is if she is having issues with body image be an encouragement. And if you try to bring her to the big event and it doesn’t happen please DO NOT guilt her or make her feel ashamed. Many men do this especially to inexperienced or women going through the change and it can cause serious issues for her, and your relationship. And PS: tell her for me that sex doesn’t always have to be about getting there!!!! All the stuff in between can be enjoyable and fun if she just relaxes into them.
Good luck!!!:PApril 16, 2020 at 3:04 pm #210294
You’re half way there! Women do not require vaginal penetration to orgasm. If you handle the clitoris correctly, she can climax simply from that alone. The bullet vibe is all I need to orgasm, nothing else required. So simple. https://www.theadulttoyshop.com/blog/how-to-use-a-bullet-vibrator.html has instructions & video to get you started (not x-rated, but PG rated videos for women that you will surely find useful.)
A woman’s secret? Once we’ve had a clitoral base orgasm (which stimulates different muscles in the pelvis compared to the vaginal base orgasm) it makes us feel wet and tender, like we crave sex. Isn’t mother nature so cool! The point on me saying this is that after you give her the external orgasm, she just may take off those sweatpants and be excited & ready for intercourse.April 27, 2020 at 10:47 am #210779
does seem a bit strange she wont take off he sweatpants really
have you chatted about sex to her much?April 27, 2020 at 12:54 pm #210788
have you tried asking her what her reasons are for not wanting penetrative sex? maybe she has a very good reason for not wanting it.April 27, 2020 at 3:17 pm #210791
Do you realize that the original post is nine years old?April 27, 2020 at 4:18 pm #210794
[quote quote=210791]Do you realize that the original post is nine years old?
Lol thanks I hadnt noticed .. the perils of being on the phone.April 27, 2020 at 10:06 pm #210801
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