June 28, 2018 at 12:03 am #194620
Interrupt when the other person is talking?
Make faces while they are talking?
Make passive-aggressive jabs instead of stating what you really think?
Withhold your true feelings out of fear?Pick apart every word a person is saying?Shutdown when confronted?
Assume the worst possible meaning?
Jump to conclusions without obtaining more information?
Believe that you already know what the other person is going to say without giving them a chance?
Interrogate a person with close-ended questions?
Miss body language clues?
Have conversations in your head but don’t say it to the other person?
Think about what you are going to say next while the other person is talking?
Not ask clarifying questions before talking?
Repeat back what the other person is saying before you make a point?
Allow your emotions such as anger, anxiety and guilt to override the conversation?
Not allow the other person to walk away when they are upset?
Not accept criticism without pointing out a flaw in the other person?
Not plan out ahead of time what you are going to say and the best way to say it?Quickly accept responsibility just to end the conversation?
Apologize even when you are not at fault?
Blame the other person for your emotional reaction?
Seek to find fault in the other person to avoid accountability?
Physically move away from the other person out of fear?
Physically move in closer when upset as a form of intimidation?
Pick at your skin, wring your hands, play with your hair, or other compulsive behaviors?
Avoid eye contact?
Verbally threaten the other person to make a point?
Throw out ultimatums if the other person doesn’t agree with you?
Use sarcasm as a way of saying what you want or don’t want?
Give the other person only two options: yours and another extreme version?Frequently remind the other person of how they have hurt you in the past?
Use the other person’s flaws, mistakes, or disorders against them?
Change the unresolved topic to something else when feeling uncomfortable?June 28, 2018 at 8:28 am #194625
A good comprehensive list Bunny. I think I have probably been in most, if not all of those places over the years. So many things depend on who the other person is and how they are behaving. Few people have total control over their emotions, which have so much bearing on communication.June 28, 2018 at 2:11 pm #194639
Thankfully, I am guilty of only a few of them. I can be incredibly tactful, though – and not to put myself down – know when to shut up. I always remind myself not to interrupt someone when they’re talking. I don’t make threats or ultimatums AT ALL. And I never manipulate or trick people. I don’t offer my opinion unless it is asked for.
I think I’m a good communicator. A comprehensive list, as SpinningJen has said.
July 2, 2018 at 1:15 pm #194724
- This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by KitKatKitty.
I and everybody were there in such conversations. Sometimes we claim we are victims or other times we become the blamers. However, it is better to stop and think before we talk. Because if the conversation is not safe we damage relationships or we take the wrong decisions. And we, of course, we hurt ourselves. I have read two useful books that cover this subject. The first one is called “Crucial Conversations” and the other “The Dance of Connection.” If you read these books, you learn some ways to get to the main point of the subject. You don’t trap yourself in vicious circles. It is not possible to solve all disagreements peacefully all the time but when we practice we become better, and the most astonishing thing is that the other people start to talk to us honestly. If we are open and not judge, we move all kinds of our relationships to the next level.July 4, 2018 at 2:07 pm #194774
Getting along with people is very important to me: I am on a planet with 6 billion people and there is no escape. I must be able to get along with those people. Everyone has a right to be here: even those called evil. Having good communication skills is vital and gives me personal power. I don’t mean by being nice all the time, but by sharing my opinion with tact and with the goal of making situations go right – or at least improved – for everyone. However, talking cannot solve everything. Saying to a criminal “That is wrong” isn’t going to change their behaviour. Getting along with everyone is also about common sense and self respect. But there are many who confuse honesty and self respect with being obnoxious and aggressive. On the other end, some people confuse personal power with giving in to others’ demands. Also, being nice does not mean giving in to other people.
I hope this all makes sense. Because good communication skills do require intelligence and social skills. People are not stupid and do not like being manipulated. I could go on forever about misconceptions, but I won’t. Anyhow, these are my thoughts.July 4, 2018 at 6:17 pm #194786
I’ve been guilty of most of those single-spaced things in the past. The double-spaced items are more for aggressive people, which I’m not. Anymore, I remain silent (just listen) in normal conversation because I’m usually interrupted.July 6, 2018 at 6:11 pm #194871
I think when young a lot of people do the same, TestDummyC. It is just a case to growing & learning. I certainly am not a perfect person and made many mistakes as a younger person. A lot of people do have growing to do: and in this make errors. It is because everyone is human.
I am sure you’ve grown up in many ways and are wiser in your life.July 7, 2018 at 7:22 pm #194912
I do some of these things, some more than others. I’ve definitely had imaginary conversations in my head about arguments that never happened, I sort of try to work things out. I do apologize profusely all the time, even when I haven’t done anything wrong, I’m guilty of that more than anything else. Sometimes I’ll also play with my hair a bit, I can find I’m fidgeting and I get a little distracted.July 15, 2018 at 7:25 am #195059
Hi I am guilty of jumping in when someone is talking it is just I get so involved sometimes in what they are saying or I am nervous or excited. When chatting to a guy though I always make eye contact just to let them know I am listening or flirting with them.July 17, 2018 at 12:40 pm #195088
I can be like that as well, mikki. I just get impatient to get my point-of-view heard! Still, I try to reign it in. I also make eye contact with a guy to let them know I am listening. Being a good listener is very important to me: even if I do jump in sometimes. Still, no one is perfect. But you’ve got the approach right.July 21, 2018 at 12:57 am #195192
This was a useful post. I didn’t realize how many poor communication traits I had.
My friend’s mother has cancer and I haven’t a clue what to say to her.
It’s too bad you can’t email posts to yourself or someone else like they did at the Sony forum.
I’m an awful friend.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Krystal.
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