January 28, 2019 at 11:12 am #199083
I’m starting to lose the connection with one of my oldest friendships, and I’m not entirely sure that I’m even bothered about it.
We have been best friends since we were about 12, we still have a group of us from school that is all close, but over the last couple of years she has turned away from them and is only interested in me and one other girl.
We have always been very different people, but our friendship worked, however, as we have gotten older, we have less in common.
I am 27 years old and married, and I think as my life starts to change (having kids, etc.) we will just never really see each other, as she is not into that at all (she and her boyfriend are wealthy and enjoy luxury, and she has always been a bit snobby).
She’s done quite a few things over the last few years to upset me, and I dread spending any time with her because, and I’m sorry to sound so mean, she bores me senseless!
Even though she’s separated from the ‘group,’ we do have a best friend in common, and I don’t want to make it difficult for her. I know it might sound a bit mean, but the last year or so I’ve just been wondering why I’m even still close friends with her when we have zero in common, and she always ends up irritating me over one thing or another.
But how do I move away from this friendship without saying outright ‘I don’t want to be friends with you anymore’? Or am I being unreasonable?January 29, 2019 at 8:08 am #199104
I find that people do drift away in time. Don’t worry, as your life drifts away you will find that she is less a part of it. I would not suggest saying outright as that is somewhat upsetting, and maybe she does value the friendship. One never knows where things will go in the future. Due to social media I am now in contact with several old school friends I have not seen for years. It seems like the old days when we meet up, even though our lives have been so different.January 29, 2019 at 10:59 am #199108
You’re not mean: you’re human. It does seem your friendship has run its course and now is the time to move on. Chances are she also feels you’ve got less in common these days. I’d simply reduce contact and let your friendship die its natural death. You are not alone, either: you’ve still got your other friends around you. Basically, don’t obviously say the friendship is over to her: just slowly diminish contact. This seems cowardly, but it is kindest.January 29, 2019 at 5:36 pm #199136
Since your lifestyles are so dissimilar your friendship should naturally dissipate. Only suggest is beg off face to face occasions by using conflicting schedule solutions. Having a husband and children you can generate many reasons for being involved in family activities. Use your husband as excuse by saying he get jealous, nervous and irrational when you spend much time with single girl friendsJanuary 30, 2019 at 10:33 am #199152
Thanks for all the advise so far, I agree I probably shouldn’t say anything to her face as I don’t want to hurt her. I’ll just try to let it run it’s course. It’s difficult though because she doesn’t want to see me on her own, she wants to see me with another friend, so it means letting them both down just so I don’t have to see her. I think I may have to tell that other friend in private what’s going on so she understands.
I’m not going to say horrible things about my husband to her and paint him in a bad light, that’s really unfair to him!!January 30, 2019 at 11:00 am #199154
Its sad when people grow apart but its the way life is.
Its only recently that I have let go totally of one of my old school friends. I married young she chased rock bands around the country and was busy with her career. She was ‘áuntie’ to my children and came over for a holiday every year this went on for over 20 years..
Then four years ago she met a man and I hardly heard from her, so when I received a wedding invitation I was surprised she had bothered but I made the effort and went.
Her photographer turned out to be awful and hugely expensive so as a gift I made a slideshow to musci and printed nearly 100 photos that I had taken of her day. She seemed very happy about that but since then the relationship just seemed to fade.
She now has her husband and is busy enjoying married life and I and my (now grown up) children have been forgotten.
So I have let it fade. I dont mourn it or dislike her for the way she has behaved I just look back and enjoy the happy memories.
People pass through our lives, they come and go. We should be grateful for the ones who only leave happy memories because in this world there are enough who will leave you bad ones if you let them.
January 31, 2019 at 6:22 pm #199181
- This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by cassandra.
People do grow and change: as cassandra has said. Like letting go of my dear friend: but I have to move on. Nothing stays the same forever. Still, it does get to you. I suppose you should just enjoy your memories and move on yourself. If it’s fading for you, it’s fading for her. I am sure she won’t get hetup about you moving on. It’ll hurt her pride at first, maybe, but that hurt won’t last forever. Whether you tell her directly the friendship is over or let it dissipate, only you can decide. Just be kind.February 10, 2019 at 7:39 pm #199349
I am glad my advice was received well. It is heartbreaking but we all have to move on. I have another good friend who moved away. We still see each other and I hope we will always be good friends. I don’t think an emotional bond can ever be severed. This includes my elderly, dear friend, Michael. I miss him terribly.
Life can be upsetting sometimes.March 3, 2019 at 2:47 pm #199831
I know the heart doesn’t heal overnight, but I hope you’re healing. I still miss the friendship I had with Michael, but things change and I knew he was growing older. It’s so, so sad.March 4, 2019 at 7:54 am #199861
I am amazed sometimes as to how things can run in circles. In recent times old school friends are now back in contact. To some extent it is as if time has stood still when we meet, until we look closely at how everyone has aged :/March 8, 2019 at 7:55 pm #199905
Everyone has aged. Being re-connected with old school friends would be wonderful for most people! I miss old friends. But friendships grow and change and people move away. BUT there is gold at the end of the rainbow: finding new connections and learning about other people and their lives.
Reunions are great!March 8, 2019 at 8:32 pm #199907
I have lived in many different parts of the world so use to establishing new relationships but still online with a few high school friendsMarch 13, 2019 at 9:20 pm #200014
It sounds like your friend or if she really is still your friend has already taken those steps to move away from you and the group friends friends herself. I don’t think you have to do much at all because she is separating herself already. As for the friend you share let her know that the relationship you are slipping away from with your old friend has nothing to do with the relationship you have with her.