November 18, 2020 at 2:02 pm #220162
She has taken numerous overdoses, been held in a cell several times, assaulted someone and been fined, been admitted to a psychiatric hospital a few times… the list goes on. She now loses her [temporary] accomodation in 3 weeks time. She is at the council offices now.
She grew up in care and I guess her childhood was like sand. Hence why any castle she builds sinks into the sand. She cannot hold onto a property for more than a year. Because of her behaviour. And now she wants to live in my apartment with me. I am hoping and praying she finds a property in town.
I don’t hate her and I do not betray her in any way. But I don’t want her in my apartment. I know that sounds terribly selfish but it’s true. THANKFULLY I have my sister and another lady to take Vicky if she turns up on my doorstep. They have both said it is a very bad idea. And I agree. But how do you tell your close friend she isn’t allowed in your apartment? Especially in winter? I feel like I’m being pulled apart in all directions. I WANT to help Vicky but I don’t want her living in my home.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. What solutions do you have to offer?November 18, 2020 at 7:05 pm #220171
You are not being selfish dear, you are being sensible. No one in their right mind would take in a drug addict into their home, let alone one that has assaulted someone else. Its a sure bet that you would find your things missing as she needs more drugs. You can tell her the facts- she is too risky to take into your home.November 18, 2020 at 8:42 pm #220174
It’s terribly sad when someone gets into this situation sometimes they need a helping hand and sometimes sadly they need a swift kick in the backside.
As for your situation I presume you rent in which case having someone come to live with you could technically be seen as subletting and that would break your tenancy agreement, also while she is homeless the council probably have a legal obligation to house her or at least help her find some kind of temporary accommodation, if you take her in she is no longer homeless and therefore ceases to qualify for help. I think both of those reasons are good enough to say I’m sorry but no you can’t come stay with me.
as regards being in your right mind letting a drug addict stay…..obviously my family are not in their right minds my son found a man living in a sea container on building site where he was working he managed to get the guy a job on the building site but the boss asked for an address, my son didn’t hesitate he gave his own. He told the guy Dave that he could stay but there were no drugs allowed in the house Dave kept his word and of course at Christmas he came here together with my son. He stayed for about a year before he went into drug rehab and eventually moved back to Ireland to his family reunited with them for the first time in over 20 years. He got clean , he got a job, he brought a house , he became uncle to my grandchildren ..sadly earlier this what year he passed away from cancer but instead of being a lonely drug addict he had become a friend to so many people and was loved and will be missed.
A helping hand at the right time can do wonders.
November 18, 2020 at 9:25 pm #220177
- This reply was modified 6 days, 22 hours ago by cassandra.
Good story Cassy, always a pleasure to read about a successful intervention. But those stories are very rare. Most of the time they go back to drugs and there is nothing you cam do to stop them.November 20, 2020 at 3:23 pm #220245
That’s a wonderful story, cassandra. There definitely ARE people who rise out of problems and live better lives. I hope the same turns out to be true for Vicky.
I think it is fair to say, she is mixed up inside. She does want attention, which I’d say is obvious by now. But there is so much drama: calling the ambulance, the police… I don’t want to be sucked up inside her problems. If the worst happened and she came here, I would not allow her to phone the police OR ambulance. BUT she won’t be staying here. I shall be phoning a woman I know to pick Vicky up, if Vicky arrives at my apartment.
Thank you for all your advice: it does help. I have taken it all on board.November 23, 2020 at 9:53 am #220318
I will always be Vicky’s close friend: I just don’t want to share my apartment with anyone. Personal space and all that. Anyhow, I shall be helping Vicky financially. I won’t give her my past penny but I will be helping out money-wise in a sensible way. I am there for all my friends. Vicky is no exception.
BUT that doesn’t mean I’m Vicky’s fool. I won’t let her take advantage of me. I help her out because she is my close friend: I’d never help out a stranger in such a way. She is a good person deep down: she just has upset and stress in her life. Even she is fed up of the way things have gone down. Vicky is sick and tired of being pushed around and blamed for everything. It is NOT always Vicky’s fault. She needs emotional support as much as anyone: maybe more. I won’t abandon her. I do know none of you suggested that but I feel she deserves the help and respect to overcome her difficulties and live a better life.
Again, though: thank you for all your advice. It has been appreciated.November 25, 2020 at 12:12 pm #220391
Vicky has made things a lot easier for me: she said she wouldn’t stay over at my apartment anyway because we’d both end up homeless. I write this because she knows that there is only one tenant allowed on this property at one time. And that if they found her staying at my apartment, they would evict me. I am so, so glad Vicky has come to that realization herself: without me having to inform her of it. She has shown consideration in that way.
I shall support her a little financially, though: I can’t give her 100’s of pounds but I can help her with food costs and the suchlike. Vicky IS a good person and she doesn’t take illegal drugs. She took those overdoses out of desperation. Even she has said she’s fed up of all she’s gone through. She NEEDS to go back into the care system: her social worker betrayed her and said she was capable to making sensible decisions. What planet has the social worker been on? Doesn’t she remember those overdoses and Vicky going to hospital? But Vicky has people on her side: me, Mavis and others. We will all make sure Vicky pulls through these hard times.