Was I wrong to not tell my friend that her ex is dating her mate?

Female Forum Forums Category Related Discussion Love & Relationships Was I wrong to not tell my friend that her ex is dating her mate?

This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 9 months ago.

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    Hello female forum. Im a guy, and Id tbought Id use this forum to get honest opinions from females.


    I’ve known my friend Jodie for around 2 years. I remained friends with her and her ex-boyfriend Harley after they broke up about 3 months ago. They obviously don’t get along with eachother, but despite that I was on good terms with both of them.

    Recently, Jodie’s close friend Leah got together with Harley. I knew about it and decided it was best to not get involved in the situation, and not tell Jodie. Leah was also close friends with Harley back when he and Jodie dated. Im friends with Leah too, to make things more complicated.

    Anyway, fastforward a few weeks, Jodie finds out about them two. She gets quiet upset and cuts contact with me, Harley and Leah. I found that she deleted me on Snapchat. Here is where I messaged Jodie to try and explain things:

    So yeah. Was I wrong to not tell her about it? Let me know what you guys think. Honest opinions are appreciated. Thanks!



    It’s so sad when this happens but you were really in a no win situation.  It’s perhaps easier to just say ‘That’s life!’. In any close group of people relationship problems affect everyone in the group. You have made your point and I can see Jodie is upset but there is little more you can do. It won’t help to push anymore. She will get over it in time but probably feels betrayed by everyone at the moment.

    1 member liked this post:

    You know they say ‘dont shoot the messenger’,  well guess what?  the messenger always gets the bullet from one side or the other you were doomed.

    Knowing something like this puts you between a rock and a hard place and there is no easy way out , an anonymous tip off an email from a fake id or a note slipped under her door signed ‘a friend’ might have helped but she was always going to react badly and hit out. She is feeling hurt and humiliated and she wants to push anyone who reminds her of that hurt far away.

    Sorry but you need to step back leave the door open for her but respect that she may choose to move on and leave you behind with the other bad memories. By the way I dont think anything you could have done would have made any difference.

    • This reply was modified 9 months ago by  cassandra.
    1 member liked this post:

    Thats really awesome advice! Thanks Jen and Cassandra.

    1 member liked this post:

    I’m so sorry this happened to you, Solly!  I agree with the others that you were put between a rock and a hard place and that there was nothing you could do differently.  I agree with you about not wanting to get involved in other people’s drama.

    Like the others said, give her room.  Maybe, after she calms down after the initial shock, she’ll come around.  I wish you the best of luck, Solly.


    You’ve been put in an impossible situation, solly64: nothing you said or did could’ve changed the scenario. You are in no way to blame.

    I also think her ex boyfriend dating her best friend just happened and was out of everybody’s control: no one chooses whom they fall for. When it comes to attraction, if two people want each other, they tend to push aside the friends and ex-partners. As awful as this sounds your friend’s best friend didn’t want to hurt her: she just has a strong attraction to a person that happens to be the ex-boyfriend. It is human nature. It is not easy for the best friend, either: she most likely fell for the wrong person: her best friend’s ex-boyfriend. Love is love and your friend will get over it. That sounds cheap, but it’s true: your friend has to accept that her best friend loves her ex-boyfriend. Neither person can control that.

    I am not saying it rudely, but your friend has had her pride hurt. But she will get over it, in time.

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