April 1, 2019 at 7:41 pm #200557
Fiance’ and I have had disagreements lately about how much time he spends with his friends.
When we got together initially (and had less money between the two of us), we always did things together as a family (I have two kids that he says he considers his own). Within the last year or two, he’s started doing more and more with friends from work and it has gotten to the point that he’s doing things every weekend: fishing, hunting, etc. taking up the whole (or most of it) day usually. I know I should feel lucky he’s not going out to bars and such, but still, I miss doing things as a family. Am I wrong to feel this way?
He told me the other day that I should be grateful for the time that he does spend with us and not complain when he goes and does something he loves. Personally, my only ‘get away’ time is about once a month and I usually go for a couple hours to get my nails done.
I asked him to compromise and each person get one day a month. He said I was trying to control him.
I just wanted others’ opinions on whether or not I’m wrong to feel the way I do and if I am, maybe another viewpoint. Thanks everyone <3April 2, 2019 at 8:26 am #200566
It does sound like he has a very selfish way of looking at things psychmommy. It is natural to drift apart to some extent as time goes on. By that I mean do different things, but with consideration for each other. By his attitude he appears very selfish though. The children, besides yourself, need a father’s input and family activity. I would think, to look if you can find places to go as a family. Maybe once a month at least, but this would be good and break things out of the rut which is occuring. I know this is what you have said, but you would be presenting the compromise in a different way. Not as a set of rules, but a fun activity. With clever strategy rather than a set of agreements you may be able to spice things up a bit.
1 member liked this post:April 2, 2019 at 9:39 am #200570
I agree with SpinningJen. You obviously love your husband, but he is neglecting you and that is naturally upsetting. You are NOT trying to control him: you just want attention from him and to do activities with him. I don’t see how that’s selfish or controlling. You’re not in the wrong.
I agree about setting up events/activities/daytrips as fun, rather than making him feel it’s his duty. If you act positive and don’t pressure him, he may relent, go on a trip with you, realize he enjoys doing so with you and carry on going on trips with you or whatever.
I do feel he needs to realize you deserve time and attention: just as much as his friends. Because he’s pushing you away and that does not bode well. If he loves you, he will make the effort to spend time with you. Because you’re his wife: not someone he can occasionally give attention to. You deserve more than that. And I do feel you need to sit down with him and discuss it. You’re being treated rather badly, to be honest, and this has to stop. So talk to him and clear the air. If he still won’t budge, I do wonder about your marriage and where it’s going.
I am not trying to be an alarmist, but I feel my advice makes sense.April 15, 2019 at 1:24 pm #200811
How have things panned out now, psychmommy19?