What is going on with this man?

Female Forum Forums Category Related Discussion Love & Relationships What is going on with this man?

This topic contains 16 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #198757

    This man, who is my therapist, had said something to me that made me feel uncertain about how he views me. I had told him once that I liked him as a therapist. Right after I had made that comment, he told me that he was glad that I had said that and that I’ve always been his favorite client. Another time, I was getting ready to leave a session and he got up and followed me out by him standing by the doorway of his office while I stood out in the hallway. He said to me, ”I hope you enjoy this warm weather, such as yourself”. Then he quickly fixed the last part by saying, ”such as today”. He also tries to find things in common with me. For example, I had told him that I was English. Then, he told me that he was English too even though he has told me multiple times in the past that he only has Scottish ancestry. Sometimes, with some of the things that I’m interested in, he’d apply some of my interests into his life that he’s never been interested in before. For example, if I was really into learning about race, he’d start getting into race too.

    I’m also in group therapy with him. During these group therapy sessions, he’d would always try to sit next to me even when there were other seats open and available for him to sit in next to other clients. I would try to sit somewhere else to see if he’d would follow me and he never fails to sit next to me. If he isn’t able to sit next to me at all, he’ll stare at me for a long time after the session is over and as I’m getting myself ready to leave. He also mirrors my body language while he’s looking and listening to other people within the group. If I sit back in my chair, he sits back in his chair a 3 seconds later. Or , if I rest my hand by my neck, he’ll do the same right after me. He’s married with kids and I’m single. He’s in his 30’s and I’m in my 20’s.

    Why is he doing all of this?

    #198759

    No idea but if its making you feel that the relationship is in any way unprofessional change your therapist.

    1 member liked this post:
    #198761

    I agree with Cassandra.  The man you describe would give me the heebie-jeebies.  I would find another therapist and group if at all possible.

    #198778

    I agree. It’s not very good therapy if it’s making you uncomfortable.

    #198787

    Oh wow, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  He sounds like he’s attracted to you, and that feels so incredibly inappropriate.  He doesn’t seem to be trying to do anything about his feelings either, if I were in your place I’d really start to feel worried.

    I’ve read before how when someone’s attracted to you, he’ll mirror your movements, and it sounds like this man’s doing that (and more).

    I wouldn’t want to keep him as my therapist if I were in your position, I can’t imagine how you’ll ever feel comfortable.  How can he really be trying to help you in your best interest when he’s trying to advance his relationship with you?  Everything just feels terribly wrong.  He’s a man, it’s only a matter of time before he tries something.

    Personally I’d never feel comfortable with a male therapist anyway.

    I really hope everything works out okay for you, please stay safe.

    1 member liked this post:
    #198799

    Oh wow, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He sounds like he’s attracted to you, and that feels so incredibly inappropriate. He doesn’t seem to be trying to do anything about his feelings either, if I were in your place I’d really start to feel worried.

    I’ve read before how when someone’s attracted to you, he’ll mirror your movements, and it sounds like this man’s doing that (and more).

    I wouldn’t want to keep him as my therapist if I were in your position, I can’t imagine how you’ll ever feel comfortable. How can he really be trying to help you in your best interest when he’s trying to advance his relationship with you? Everything just feels terribly wrong. He’s a man, it’s only a matter of time before he tries something.

    Personally I’d never feel comfortable with a male therapist anyway.

    I really hope everything works out okay for you, please stay safe.

    I am considering on getting a new therapist who’s female. I think that would be a better option to roll with from here on out. I just wanted to check to see what others would think about all of this.

    Also, should I be concerned if he tells me his exact age without me asking? He also fiddles with his wedding ring around me. He doesn’t do that very often around me though. He continues to copy me too. It feels like sometimes he’s turning into me. For example, I had rested my hand by the side of my face and he had done the same. Or, if I had my legs crossed while tapping my foot, he would have his legs crossed while tapping his own foot seconds later. Sometimes, he would even start off by doing one of my own movements first such as the foot tapping thing on his own and it’s like he expects me to join in on it too or something, which I didn’t because I noticed it. It’s like he’s stealing a part of my identity.

    #198808

    Oh dear, yes I’d be very concerned about those things.  Why would he tell you his age?  I think him playing with his wedding ring means he’s thinking about something related to that … I feel this guy is a total creep and I hope you’re able to get away from him.  I just hope he doesn’t react poorly to your rejection of him, it’s terrifying we have to worry about that.

    My guess is he’s really quite attracted to you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been running scenarios through his mind, what he’s doing sounds incredibly disturbing.

    Please do keep us updated on what you do?  I’m very worried about you right now.

    #198813

    I’m afraid he definitely has a crush on you. Whether he pushes on it, I wouldn’t wait to find out. In your shoes, I’d find a female therapist sooner rather than later. He is obviously making you uncomfortable, so I wouldn’t hang around to see what he’ll do.

    #198867

    What has transpired, Crystal11? Have you changed your therapist yet?

    #198924

    Wow, that is extremely creepy and unprofessional. I also believe there are laws against this. I would definitely suggest switching therapists, and preferably to a female therapist. I personally prefer female doctors because I feel more comfortable and like they understand me in a better way. Good luck! I hope all goes well.

    #198928

    What has transpired, Crystal11? Have you changed your therapist yet?

    Even though he talks about his wife and kids to me at times, he still acts nervous around me. For instance, before I left his office after a session, he began by saying, “Well…” . Then, he started to stutter. It was like I wasn’t able to make out what he was saying because his words are all jumbled and I could only hear the sounds of his speech. He tried saying something to me again, but the same thing happened. After the two attempts, he was finally able to say some actual words and he told me that he was glad that I was able to come in to talk to him and told me to have a great rest of my day.

    But yeah, I am now with a different therapist (who is female).

     

     

    1 member liked this post:
    #198972

    What a creep, I’m really glad you’re rid of him.

    1 member liked this post:
    #198999

    my current therapist is a younger female. I have experienced come ons from prior male therapists that were more interested in sex than therapy with me. best bet for you is a female therapist, also

    2 users liked this post:
    #199051

    It does seem best to have a female therapist. Heterosexual male therapists do find their female patients attractive and may come onto them [but I won’t tar every one with that brush]. Same sex therapists are – usually – best. Still, it isn’t right for a person in that kind of job to flirt and come onto their patients. In fact, I would say that’s against the rules. I wouldn’t report him: but his next patient might. What he did was out of bounds and he abused his privilege and power.

    All this said, therapy is a good idea and I hope it works for you. I have had counselling myself and it helped a little. When with the right therapist, you will feel much better and more cleansed.

    5 users liked this post:
    #199251

    I forgot to mention a few other things. In the past, there were times when I had annoyed him with the some of things that I had said. When I had later brought it up by asking him if I’ve ever annoyed him at all throughout the past three years of having therapy sessions with him, he said never. He also said even though he gets annoyed by other clients, it’s never been the case with me. I feel like he’s lying and sees me as never having any faults. He was also talking about how he was thinking about giving me his wife’s number and then laughed a little afterwards. At the end of a session, he gave me a hug and held me close. He had one of his arms wrapped around my upper back and the other arm wrapped below my shoulder. I had hugged him tight because I was feeling sad, then he hugged me tight. After the hug, he was breathing heavily and his voice was shaky while he said goodbye to me.

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