What would you prefer: An inconvenient truth or a reassuring lie?

Female Forum Forums General Discussion A Woman’s View What would you prefer: An inconvenient truth or a reassuring lie?

This topic contains 16 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  lashawn 3 days, 20 hours ago.

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  • #213859

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    #213871

    Hi,

    I would rather be told the truth  and know the truth about myself  ,i may ? the details and think oh have i got the subject matter wrong or i,m doing some thing wrong or am i such a prat  = idiot,

    The issue for myself is do i really know whats going …on… did i really see what… happened …

    Any way i try hard to get the fact,s

    from age born till age 10 i had a mind block abnisia sorry cant spell , so i quess i did see some things yet relied on Mom a lot it came down to was it what Mom told me or did i really see . i struggled at school and did not get …it…or learn much my interests were wood work science and language, sport,s and that was it as to reading spelling and maths i was incapiable  no clue,even at high school ,later on i was some what better, yet i was very good in what i could do designing sewing and building cooking later on ,i knew,

    Oh…. language  was in Egyptian,    my biggest problem is trying to spell  is frustrating and even spell checker cant work out my strange spelling.  so hieroglglyphics ….oh YES…… = i give up

    At least my friends know me well enough to understand , oh …and on a few other forums i was on hauled   over the coal,s for my lack,,, being major  Dyslexic  so gets very frustrating .

    so in many aspects i did not need to be told where i failed or got it wrong i knew,

    …noeleena…

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    #213882

    I’d rather be told a reassuring lie. I’ve had people been honest with me my whole life and I HATE it.

    Honesty is not always the best policy. There is a funny film called “The Invention Of Lying”. It makes you realize the importance of lying. There are times when it is necessary to tell a lie. Sometimes it can save lives. Like lying to a criminal to protect oneself. Or telling a lie to protect a friend’s reputation and just save bad blood.

    I don’t always like honesty, but am honest myself sometimes. I am selective when it comes to telling the truth and lying. You just have to bend the truth to protect others and yourself. This is about personal power too: if you keep personal things to yourself, others won’t have an advantage over you. AND when dealing with the bad guys, telling a reassuring lie – when you absolutely do not agree with the lie you’re telling – can save your life.

    Sometimes it is truth: others are kind lies. And there are just lies that save lives.

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    #213884

    There is lying and there is being economical with the truth. Sometimes we are economical to save people from pain or shame that is a lie coming from a good place.

    A truth coming from a bad place or with malice can be as hurtful as a lie.

    Although given the choice I prefer the truth.

    @kitkatkitty I sort of diagree with this statement  a bit.* if you keep personal things to yourself, others won’t have an advantage over you. * If you are honest and truthful you dont give anyone power but when you hold a secret its there like a ticking time bomb ready for someone to use against you…

     

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    #213890

    I always want the truth, no matter how painful it may be.  Then, I can deal with or fix the situation.  If I’m lied to, then I’m misinformed and unable to act accordingly.

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    #213895

    I prefer the truth in most cases. With years of experience meeting many different people I can usually spot a lie instantly and it does tend to cloud my thinking as, like Test, I am a fairly logical person who acts on information. If it is incorrect then things get complicated and doubts and suspicion form. It can get complicated when people do lie intentionally in a false manner though to re-assure someone. It’s something I am not keen on but do see their good intentions.

    There are times when it is better to be economical with the truth though. In some situations being too open invites suspicion and distrust as well as people are expected to lie and cover things up, so being abnormal in not doing so. Life is so complicated :/

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    #213900

    I know what you’re all saying, but there are times the truth hurts. Again, people have always been honest with me and I do hate it. No one is deliberately nasty, but I don’t like having my flaws pointed out: I know what they are already and am already trying to deal with them.

    Whether you are a truthful person who lays it on the line or a person who is economical with the truth to save others feelings is your choice. But – sometimes – there is no need to point out a home truth. I don’t believe honesty is always best, I’m afraid.

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    #213924

    Well, there is a difference between solicited and unsolicited honesty.  That’s why I have never asked the question, “Honey, do these jeans make me look fat?”

    When someone is looking to someone else for advice or leadership (I won’t mention names), they expect the truth…at least, sane people do.  Right now, we have someone who had refused to take a situation seriously, much less do anything to prevent 1000 deaths per day…and doing the right thing has become politicized.

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    #213932

    Of course when the truth is used as weapon its nasty… Like the woman who crossed an whole parking lot to tell me ‘wow your dog is ugly’

    I know he wasnt the most handsome of dogs but his little heart was so full of love.. I used the truth right back at her…

    Yes…but he is only ugly on the outside…

    There is a difference between telling the truth when asked and using the truth as a weapon..

    There is also a fine line between truth and diplomacy and diplomacy and lying.

    My friend who has been on a diet since she was 11 always wanted to own a pair of leather (look) trousers and she thought she had slimmed enough to get into a pair but when she tried them on they squashed her bum flat so it spread and she looked  like a baby with a very full diaper..

    Then she asked the fateful question…. Does my bum look big in these…?

    Was I to tell the whole truth, a bit of the truth, a slight lie, or a big fat whopper???

    I chose for diplomacy…  Youve worked so hard to lose weight,  but I dont think those trousers do your hard work justice..

    She was still P-off at me and bought them anyway.. Luckily I didnt have to go out with her when she wore them!

     

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  cassandra.
    • This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  cassandra.
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    #213955

    The look I hate to see is when you say something or ask and they shy away both verbally and bodily so you really know they don’t like it but seem afraid of telling the truth which is what I really want. It has gradually turned me away from many people as it is so negative.

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    #213987

    There is also a fine line between truth and diplomacy and diplomacy and lying.

    This is so, so true. Truth seekers like their honesty, when honesty is used to help and guide someone. Telling a kind lie is sometimes necessary, though. But outright lying is never right: especially when used to cause harm by hurting someone’s feelings and whatnot. The definitions are very important. For instance, I do like honesty when it is diplomatic. But I don’t like rude honesty, intent to hurt me.

    You’ve hit the nail on the head, cassandra, with your post.

    3 users liked this post:
    #216250

    i would rather be told the truth than have people lie to me only to find out the truth later.

    2 users liked this post:
    #216651

    Sometimes I hate honesty.

    I do know why, too. I don’t want the truth: I can see it for myself.

    #218167

    Honesty, always. But with tact, not malice or ignorance of feelings.

    I don’t have to say everything I think or feel. I can choose to keep things to myself so I don’t needlessly hurt. However, if the truth must be known for that person to make informed decisions – especially about changing their behaviour when it stinks – then keeping it to myself doesn’t help them even though I want to avoid their hurt feelings…

    My delivery needs some work, though. And that’s the honest truth! 😉 I’d like a gentler delivery used on me, too.

    3 users liked this post:
    #218179

    I want the cold hard truth. No beating around the bush. No tip toeing around feelings. Please please just let me know what’s going on so I can act accordingly, not like a fool with blinders.

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