Why Do I Feel Like I'm In The Wrong?

Female Forum Forums General Discussion General Chat Why Do I Feel Like I'm In The Wrong?

This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of SpinningJen SpinningJen 1 day, 6 hours ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #144835

    WARNING: You may want to grab a cuppa, as it’s rather long, but I needed to get it off my chest!

    Best friends are suppose to tell one another the truth, no matter what right?….

    I made a lovely friend, she was 11 years older than me (not that, that was a problem!)  and she was a lovely friend to both me and the husband.  We would walk to and from school together, dropping our children off and bringing them home, her parents live two doors down from me too (which can be awkward at times!, why I don’t know, but it just feels awkward!).  Not only would we do school runs, we would laugh and carry on.  Have Friday night sessions, drinking wine round my house, with my husband and all the kids, my lot and her daughter (who is in the same class as my youngest!) and yes we would drink a couple of bottles of wine together and it was a laugh.  My husband would walk her round home and carry her daughter, if say she was asleep!
    After a few months of doing this, she got herself a job, working part time, which was brilliant news for her, then about 2 weeks into the job on the way home from the school, her daughter was asking her to ask me, and she was like no I haven’t asked her yet, and then the daughter constantly repeating herself.  So me being me, as a friend that I was, asked my friend’s daughter what it was she had wanted.   She had wanted to know if I would pick her up from school the following week as her mam had to attend a funeral.  So because I thought I was a good friend, offered to pick her up, and make her, her tea! So once she got back from the funeral and wake, she didn’t have to worry about feeding the child.  After all my friend had helped me out a great deal the final week of school summer term when I wasn’t allowed to walk on a badly sprained ankle (that and I couldn’t put any pressure on it!)

    I had picked her up from school and as soon as the child came into the house with my sons, and while waiting on my daughter coming home off the school bus (as I don’t drive and the school is over 3 miles away along country roads), my friend’s daughter started to demand a lot and I mean a lot, so I put my foot down and told her that she was getting what I was feeding my lot as I wasn’t willing to make 4 different meals.  Around 3.30pm I got a text from my friend to tell me she was having a quick drink then would be back soon, so I replied back with, not a problem, the little ones are having their tea and they are good.

     

    Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a horrible person, but bare in mind I find it a struggle to have my three on my own after school until the husband gets home at 5pm, but with another one thrown into the mix who did nothing but demand the whole time (which she never normally does when her mam was around!) I was stressed to hell.  It got to 5.30pm and I was like where is she, because my three’s bed time routine was about to be pushed out the window.  So I sent her a text asking out of curiosity what time she was coming back as her daughter was starting to ask what time she would be picking her up, and I didn’t know what to say after several times of telling her that mummy won’t be long.  I’d heard nothing back..

    I understand it’s a horrible thing having to bury a family member, been there done that! But I know a service doesn’t 1pm till 7pm.  I said I would pick her up from school, as with the service starting at 1pm and understandably that she wanted to go to the wake for a quick one, not only that but the service was over an hours drive away, (so she wouldn’t of been back in time for pick up!)  It got to 6.15pm and I was like I need to go and get bread and ham for packed lunches tomorrow (as I’d ran out!) and I felt like although my friend knew my husband, I felt like I couldn’t go out and get them as she was under my care, if that makes sense.  My husband told me to go for a walk, for some fresh air and if when I got back if she wasn’t back by then, to drop the girl off at her nana and grandad’s who were also both at the funeral and wake, yet come home around 4.  When I got back from the shop at 7pm she was just getting out of her cousin’s car, absolutely drunk.  When I asked if she wanted to come in for a coffee and sober up before her daughter seen her in that state, she told me no, she didn’t want a coffee, she wanted more drink.

    At this point I brought her into mine and went to make her a coffee and she demanded that my husband go around in the car to the shop and get her some wine, he told her no, she then told me to get him told that’s what he needed to do, yet again I told her no.  So I explained as my neighbours had been broken into, two days previously, I didn’t want to leave the property unattended and she was like well you and the husband go and I’ll watch all the kids, it’s the least I can do.  I was like no way, your not watching the kids and my husband wasn’t going to be driving, considering he had a 700 mile round trip to do the following day and the day after with work.  She then went onto tell him he was lazy and that she wanted wine.  So I told her, once I’ve made the lunches for tomorrow, I’ll go and get you some wine, if that’s what you want but for now, I’ve got packed lunches to make.   10 minutes later when I had finished my job, I said give me your money then and I’ll go and get you some wine.  She was like no, you won’t you should of got some when you went before.  I was like well in all honesty I didn’t know what time you were coming home let alone if you would of wanted any.  Next thing I know it’s like fine F*CK THE BOTH OF YOU and she screamed upstairs for her daughter and dragged her out the door and went home.

    I was totally stunned and peed off the way she spoke to me and my husband, even more so because to me, so the next morning when I saw her, she was like morning hun, how’s you – really bright and nice sort of thing.  So I asked her how her head was and she’s like fine, wasn’t even pissed last night.  I was just stood there stunned! She asked me to be truthfull and I told her, what I’ve just typed up above.  Next thing I know she’s like fine, I won’t come around anymore and walked away from me.

    Since then, even though she’s at work, when she isn’t at work and is there to pick and collect her daughter from school she blantantly ignores me, if she sees me, she puts her head down.  I try to talk to her and it’s awkward as hell.  I’ve texted to ask if where ok and she’s like yeah why wouldn’t we be, yet when I see her in the street or at the school she avoids me.

    So why do I feel like I’m in the wrong?

    Why do I feel anxious at the school?

    I see her round chatting to others, others that she used to avoid and tell me she couldn’t stand, yet is best friends with them now, how does that work.

    If you have got to the bottom of this thread, then thank you for reading.

    #144864

    A very embarrasing incident which will take time to get over. I do wonder about the level of drinking, as you say when things were good that you would share a couple of bottles of wine. You also mentioned that she came round to your house. Did you ever visit her at home?

    In some ways I have just recently gone through a similar situation. An old friend I have known for years. Things had just really drifted apart. The writing had been on the wall for some time. I wonder if things were a bit like that for your friendship? Or is this just really an embarrasing occurance.

    I suspect you both probably feel anxious. Just be friendly. The funeral could have been very upsetting, and the aftermath could take time to get over. True friends will get together again.

    #145061

    We were never invited around ever! Every time i suggested to pop round for a coffee before the school run (before she got this job!) she made excuses! Once though I had no choice to go to hers as she had asked me to get something for her in Asda, and we just stood at the front door and she told us to just come in! Well let’s just say I couldn’t see the carpet! I’m not one to judge but I was like awks

    #145140

    You’re certainly not in the wrong, so don’t feel that way. Your former friend overreacted but I would keep that as her problem. Keep away from her and leave her to her own devices. She doesn’t deserve you as a best friend. And the fact you were never even invited to her house just reeks of bad friend. Forget her and move on. She doesn’t deserve your loyalty or friendship, anyway.

    1 member liked this post:
    #145200

    I made a lovely friend, she was 11 years older than me (not that, that was a problem!) and she was a lovely friend to both me and the husband. We would walk to and from school together, dropping our children off and bringing them home, her parents live two doors down from me too (which can be awkward at times!, why I don’t know, but it just feels awkward!). Not only would we do school runs, we would laugh and carry on. Have Friday night sessions, drinking wine round my house, with my husband and all the kids, my lot and her daughter (who is in the same class as my youngest!) and yes we would drink a couple of bottles of wine together and it was a laugh. My husband would walk her round home and carry her daughter, if say she was asleep! After a few months of doing this, she got herself a job, working part time, which was brilliant news for her, then about 2 weeks into the job on the way home from the school, her daughter was asking her to ask me, and she was like no I haven’t asked her yet, and then the daughter constantly repeating herself. So me being me, as a friend that I was, asked my friend’s daughter what it was she had wanted. She had wanted to know if I would pick her up from school the following week as her mam had to attend a funeral. So because I thought I was a good friend, offered to pick her up, and make her, her tea! So once she got back from the funeral and wake, she didn’t have to worry about feeding the child. After all my friend had helped me out a great deal the final week of school summer term when I wasn’t allowed to walk on a badly sprained ankle (that and I couldn’t put any pressure on it!) I had picked her up from school and as soon as the child came into the house with my sons, and while waiting on my daughter coming home off the school bus (as I don’t drive and the school is over 3 miles away along country roads), my friend’s daughter started to demand a lot and I mean a lot, so I put my foot down and told her that she was getting what I was feeding my lot as I wasn’t willing to make 4 different meals. Around 3.30pm I got a text from my friend to tell me she was having a quick drink then would be back soon, so I replied back with, not a problem, the little ones are having their tea and they are good. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a horrible person, but bare in mind I find it a struggle to have my three on my own after school until the husband gets home at 5pm, but with another one thrown into the mix who did nothing but demand the whole time (which she never normally does when her mam was around!) I was stressed to hell. It got to 5.30pm and I was like where is she, because my three’s bed time routine was about to be pushed out the window. So I sent her a text asking out of curiosity what time she was coming back as her daughter was starting to ask what time she would be picking her up, and I didn’t know what to say after several times of telling her that mummy won’t be long. I’d heard nothing back.. I understand it’s a horrible thing having to bury a family member, been there done that! But I know a service doesn’t 1pm till 7pm. I said I would pick her up from school, as with the service starting at 1pm and understandably that she wanted to go to the wake for a quick one, not only that but the service was over an hours drive away, (so she wouldn’t of been back in time for pick up!) It got to 6.15pm and I was like I need to go and get bread and ham for packed lunches tomorrow (as I’d ran out!) and I felt like although my friend knew my husband, I felt like I couldn’t go out and get them as she was under my care, if that makes sense. My husband told me to go for a walk, for some fresh air and if when I got back if she wasn’t back by then, to drop the girl off at her nana and grandad’s who were also both at the funeral and wake, yet come home around 4. When I got back from the shop at 7pm she was just getting out of her cousin’s car, absolutely drunk. When I asked if she wanted to come in for a coffee and sober up before her daughter seen her in that state, she told me no, she didn’t want a coffee, she wanted more drink. At this point I brought her into mine and went to make her a coffee and she demanded that my husband go around in the car to the shop and get her some wine, he told her no, she then told me to get him told that’s what he needed to do, yet again I told her no. So I explained as my neighbours had been broken into, two days previously, I didn’t want to leave the property unattended and she was like well you and the husband go and I’ll watch all the kids, it’s the least I can do. I was like no way, your not watching the kids and my husband wasn’t going to be driving, considering he had a 700 mile round trip to do the following day and the day after with work. She then went onto tell him he was lazy and that she wanted wine. So I told her, once I’ve made the lunches for tomorrow, I’ll go and get you some wine, if that’s what you want but for now, I’ve got packed lunches to make. 10 minutes later when I had finished my job, I said give me your money then and I’ll go and get you some wine. She was like no, you won’t you should of got some when you went before. I was like well in all honesty I didn’t know what time you were coming home let alone if you would of wanted any. Next thing I know it’s like fine F*CK THE BOTH OF YOU and she screamed upstairs for her daughter and dragged her out the door and went home. I was totally stunned and peed off the way she spoke to me and my husband, even more so because to me, so the next morning when I saw her, she was like morning hun, how’s you – really bright and nice sort of thing. So I asked her how her head was and she’s like fine, wasn’t even pissed last night. I was just stood there stunned! She asked me to be truthfull and I told her, what I’ve just typed up above. Next thing I know she’s like fine, I won’t come around anymore and walked away from me. Since then, even though she’s at work, when she isn’t at work and is there to pick and collect her daughter from school she blantantly ignores me, if she sees me, she puts her head down. I try to talk to her and it’s awkward as hell. I’ve texted to ask if where ok and she’s like yeah why wouldn’t we be, yet when I see her in the street or at the school she avoids me. So why do I feel like I’m in the wrong? Why do I feel anxious at the school? I see her round chatting to others, others that she used to avoid and tell me she couldn’t stand, yet is best friends with them now, how does that work. If you have got to the bottom of this thread, then thank you for reading.

    Thank you, as that’s how it’s starting to feel like.  I mean her daughter is 5 and even now, she barely speaks to me, herself.  Used to talk a lot but now nothing!

    #145383

    Not being invited round tends to explain a lot of things to me. It seems very one sided and hard work. It does seem similar in many ways to what happened with my friend. The time has come to move on.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

Get involved in this discussion! Log in or register now to have your say!