Why men are not attracted to me

Female Forum Forums Category Related Discussion Love & Relationships Why men are not attracted to me

This topic contains 9 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  KitKatKitty 8 months ago.

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    I am 40, in great shape and full of energy, but it seems that men are not attracted to me. It’s been four years of no dates and no sex. I love to travel, go to movies, festivals, outings, concerts, museums, and lots of fun stuff. I have a successful professional career, good health and I am very passionate about many issues like the environment and social justice movements. I tried online dating at eharmony for six months but didn’t meet anyone. Actually zero conversations from it. Sometimes I think it’s gonna be like this forever. I mean not even a coffee date in 4 years is a long time. It seems like all men around have no interest in anything whatsoever. Actually it is very rare to even see single men going to the places and activities that I like, like hiking, the beach, festivals, etc.. I always read that men are attracted to confident, talented, independent women with their own life and interests, but, I don’t know, I am that woman and no guy seems to ever notice me anywhere.


    You sound like a very confident and busy lady with a full and active life and career things many of us would  envy  but obviously it isnt enough. You want to share this life with someone and why not..


    Ive also heard all this stuff about men being attracted to confident women but Im not so sure its true. My neighbour who is over 50 and  nothing much to look at plays the blonde bimbo role and has men falling over themselves to help her..

    The question is do you want to lower your expectations and life goals just to get a date?  Would a man be worth giving up so much of yourself for?


    If not then you just have to play the long game and wait for the right person to come along.


    1 member liked this post:

    No I would never lower my expectations for anyone. I could never be attracted to a man who is not confident, smart and open minded himself, so there is no reason to lower my expectations for someone I don’t even like in the first place. The thing is I have been with good men in the past who have all these qualities and don’t feel threatened by confident women, so when you know what it is like to be with someone like that, there is no way I could settle with something less than amazing

    1 member liked this post:

    You’re right to have high standards, Lilliampr. I have high standards myself, so I know where you’re coming from. You obviously have a lot of attractive qualities and I think the right man will come along. You’re living a busy, active lifestyle, so are meeting plenty of men. It sounds boring, but you have to keep looking. Carry on living your life and enjoying your life. You are an interesting, vivacious person and right man will realize this. So just be yourself, carry on as normal and be open to men who don’t necessarily look good on the packet. Keep your options open, basically.

    Just to add: you’ve got a wonderful life. With or without a man, you can stay happy.


    Dating almost seems like a game. One not to be treated too seriously. I sometimes wonder as there are times when I feel attraction and others not. It takes someone out of the circle to spot issues though. Relax and enjoy life. Your confidence will then show through.


    Yeah, it’s frustrating to hear that men supposedly want someone who possesses certain qualities, yet those are clearly not what attracts them.  I used to participate in the online forum of a small dating site.  The owner of the site once said that men claim to be attracted to women who don’t wear a lot of makeup, yet the profiles with pictures of women who wore a lot of makeup got the most views!  I’ve also noticed that men’s profiles say “no drama,” yet they’re attracted to those women who rain the most drama on their lives.

    One of the greatest pieces of advice I received from my divorce recovery workshop sessions was, “Live your life as though you’ll be alone for the rest of it.”  That way, you’re not pining over whatever is missing.

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    I think men feel threatened by strong independent ladies they see it as some sort of threat to their manhood.


    I think you’ve got a point, mikki. Strong, independent women can make some men feel very threatened. And – frankly – if a man does feel threatened by such a woman – he probably wants a woman he can control and dominate. And who wants a boyfriend like that? A real man wouldn’t feel threatened: he’d be glad such a confident woman was in his vincity.

    I do think Lilliampr deserves the right man. If the men she has met are too cowardly to ask her on a date, then they’re the losers. And probably would be controlling, too. As I said, the right man will accept Lilliampr as she is and will celebrate her personality and beauty without thinking of his ego. Those men who haven’t asked her out are the losers: not her.

    Carry on living your stylish life, Lilliampr: you’ve got the right man in your life soon and you’ll never have to become weak and submissive – by giving up your life and hobbies – to have him.

    1 member liked this post:

    I like your post Kitty, what you say is very true. In a relationship you should always find time to be the person you want to be and guys have to accept that.

    1 member liked this post:

    You’ve got every chance of meeting the right man, Lilliampr. Just live your life as you are and learn to feel happy within yourself: love your personality, strength, looks, etc.

    But don’t stop looking for love: carry on going on dates, joining dating sites, etc. Looking for love doesn’t make you a loser. You can still enjoy your life and go on dates. Keep looking. Because you’re not alone in searching for love. Just be yourself on dates and the right man will love that about you. DON’T change to fit anyone: let alone a man. Let him fall for YOU: not an image of how you’re supposed to be. Present an honest appearance to the world and the world will treat you in kind.

    Good luck!

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