October 21, 2020 at 3:20 am #218549
He wanted to share you with his friends? I mean letting them make a pass at you and not getting mad or doing anything to stop it?
He says he’s in no way a jealous person but why would not being a jealous person allow him to feel its ok for his friends to make a move on his g/f ? I dont get it or am i missing something?
He himself is a flirty type of which i have told him to stop because its hurtful to me. I feel he doesnt really truely love me and disrespects me and our relationship. Its like he’s clueless 🙄 but once i described that to him he understood and promised he wouldnt do it anymore.
So being he was that way does he think he understands that his male friends would also be the same? Im trying to understand this.
I wanted to note that nothing ever happened because i stopped it. But i just wonder how far he would let it go and if he would have done anything? Its like he wants friends so bad that he will do anything to make them happy and definitely not fight with them but really!
He also used to do porn but he stopped that too as far as i know but i just feel like he really doesnt love me like he says he does. I feel that he would let me do anything like have an affair ( not that i would) or even if we broke up that it wouldnt really affect him. Is he got somekind of detachment or something? seeOctober 21, 2020 at 4:04 am #218556
There may be some confusion coming from the definition of love that he operates from. Love is acting in the best interests of the other person. It’s not in your best interest for his friends to hit on you, so if he wants to make his friends happy by letting them do whatever they want, it’s not loving to you. Nor to his friends, who need healthier people skills!
Giving up porn because you asked is a good action, but did he understand why that’s best for you and for himself? That objectifying women is never okay, even when there isn’t a girlfriend on the horizon?
If you both proceed with the definition of love that puts the other person’s best interest first (long-term best scenario, not just short-term satisfaction) then you’ll probably find it a clearer path to know whether the affection felt is deep and lasting. That’s how you can fall in love and stay in love for a long time – the feelings may fluctuate but the actions show what’s true.October 21, 2020 at 8:41 am #218570
To be honest if my relationsship was so far apart in opinion as the one you describe @baileyme I would cut my losses and move on.
There are many types of relationship and many forms of love but it should never be repressive or hurtful or scary or make you feel bad about yourself.
Love should make your heart sing and your soul fly.
It sounds as if the man in this situation favours a more open relationship whereas you favour a more traditional close monogamous one.
You are both making demands on the other that are not fair. He wants you to be ok with things that hurt you and you are asking him to change his whole charecter to suit you.
Its not fair for either of you.. Kiss and part as friends.October 23, 2020 at 7:58 am #218662
I agree completely with cassandra. It seems your relationship is at opposite desires and needs. Cut your losses and move on. You can’t change him. There is a saying opposites attract, but I don’t think that is true in your case.
Move on and find someone you’re actually compatible with.October 23, 2020 at 7:13 pm #218689
Thank you all for your responses! I am very grateful! You all are saying what i have felt all along.
Rebeccajpanda yes i did explain why it wasnt good for our relationship. He seems sincere about stopping and he also really doesnt know why he does it but he seemed sincere to understand why its hurtful to me and doesnt want to hurt me.
We do fight alot. I guess because we are so opposite and i let him know that if he isnt happy with me or our relationship then we should part ways. He didnt want to and is willing to try. So thats where we stand for now. I do love him, he can be so amazing and we have so much fun and are like still in so many ways. But i am not willing to be in a relationship that makes me feel uneasy and anxious. This he knows.
Could any of you try to explain what the difference is between someone not being the jealous type and letting his friends make passes at thier S. O. And not reacting to it?? That part still confuses me. I am a jealous person to some extent and i would not react in a good way if my woman friends were making passes at him. That would stop our friendship right there. He thinks i should not be jealous either but he hasnt shown me much of any reason not to be.October 25, 2020 at 8:46 pm #218763
Obviously I am not an expert on your boyfriend, baileyme, but it seems he is into playing games. They’re not games I’d put up with. He sounds rather insensitive to your feelings. And who wouldn’t be jealous if their boyfriend were flirting with another woman in front of them? Is this a situation you’re prepared to tolerate? I’d be driven up the wall by such a boyfriend. Part of you must love him, but you’ll never change him. If you’re prepared to put up with his games, then I don’t know. Perhaps he thrives on drama and dramatic situations? Whatever he is, you have to decide whether to leave or stay. If you stay, I hope he stops these games: for both your sakes.November 2, 2020 at 8:20 pm #219192
Thank you kitkatkitty 🙂 i agree with you. I am actually surprised at myself for staying this long with him but it seems we need each other for whatever reason. It seems whatever boundaries he’s crossed he sincerely apologized for and is making changes. He knows that now we will be done if he ever crosses a boundary again. Its not a threat and i dont see it as im “changing” him because these are my boundaries and if he wants to stay with me then now he knows what do to or not do to keep this relationship. He knows im serious and i will walk. My heart will be so broken but i cant be in a stressful relationship either.
Time will soon tell if we make it or not.
I really appreciate your responseNovember 8, 2020 at 12:07 pm #219566
Love and/or attraction are tough. Because you KNOW he plays games yet you’re deeply attracted to him. That can happen a lot in this world. But you know yourself best and have to go with your gut instinct. Perhaps he will change: but that is something only he can do.
I hope you find the outcome you’re happy with. And also: you know yourself best. What do YOU think is the right decision?